How I Got Caught Stealing Monsters: Difference between revisions
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Excerpt from a local toaster:
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A picture of smiling Jeff the Potato was at the top of the page. I recoiled in horror, throwing the burnt, moldy page away into a fire.
The page said, which I would have read if I
Oh wait, that was my story.
"PHEWWWWW!
I wiped the sweat off my brow, eyelids, and eyeballs, and jumped back into my bed totally excited for sleep and snoring like
An 8-foot monster with purple eyes and brown shoes jumped out from behind my pillow.
"OH no!
"
I jumped out of bed and we ran circles around it for a few minutes until I said, "STOP BEAST!
It let out a solitary, salty tear of shame.
"You
"
"Yeah!
"Oh,
"Aww, you big lug of a beast,
He
The simplest and quickest ritual was an obscure one, but proved effective. I only had to knock 6 times on a mirror, do the chicken dance while twirling in a clockwise motion while my eyes remained closed (if I opened them I WOULD DIE) while gently humming like a bee, and repeating this three times. Oh, it had to be done before midnight, but anytime before. Also, all your toilet covers had to be closed and you must be wearing fake antlers. After a while, I realized that the only common theme of these rituals is how hilarious you act. The more hilarious, the higher the success rate. I once saw a spirit of some sort in the corner of my room videotaping me with a translucent "
So the monster and I were friends for a while. I made it wear one of my grandma's dresses and we went to a video game store where a creepy man was giving away label-less games for free (like I would take them, idiot) who suckered in a few people. Later we went to our local Fazzbear pizzeria, which was okay because the animatronics
▲video game store where a creepy man was giving away label-less games for free (like I would take them, idiot) who suckered in a few people. Later we went to our local Fazzbear pizzeria, which was okay because the animatronics didn’t smell as bad of an obvious death smell as usual, and only the duck was blurting out demonic, backwards language. We got pepperoni pizza, which sucked. Why do we even go there? Oh right, it’s only fast food place besides Joe’s Smelly Feet Shack.
So on a moonlit night, the monster told me his name was Zapydo since I had been calling him monster all this time. Now that I think about it, it was kind suspicious.
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We were sitting all quiet and flat lined until a song played in the distance.
"Dundundidundundidundundun, doo dee, doo dee, du du du doo
It was a song that rustled up my indignation and perpetual inner conflicts. I looked out, and in the distance were a man and woman bizarrely dancing in front of a white brick
"
Me and the monster Zapydo were silent, intrigued.
"I just wanna tell you how
Me and Zapydo leaned in closer.
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and dessert you!!
I heard and pondered deeply over his words.
"Always gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, always gonna tell a lie and hurt you!!!
I thought, "Wait a
The song continued with more strange lyrics like, "Your
"
"Never gonna give you up, always gonna tear you down, always gonna run around and convert you!
The monster looked at me suspiciously.
"Your real
"Yeah,
"And you were trying to kidnap me,
"Yeah, I was. I
He got up and ran with a girly scream, his arms flailing wildly in a counter-clockwise motion.
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Potato Jeff crashed through a nearby door, singing with the one who was phone. Then a truckload of potatoes rolled through the door and swamped everyone. I grabbed some to make stew with later.
[[Category:Trollpasta]]▼
[[Category:Satire]]▼
[[Category:Beings]]
[[Category:Loads of Characters]]
[[Category:Memes]]
▲[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.]]
[[Category:DIALOGUE!]]
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▲[[Category:Trollpasta]]
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