How I Got Caught Stealing Monsters: Difference between revisions
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Excerpt from a local toaster:
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"You don't have to eat me! We can be friends forever!"
"
"Yeah!"
"Oh, that's so
"Aww, you big lug of a beast," I patted his paw.
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The simplest and quickest ritual was an obscure one, but proved effective. I only had to knock 6 times on a mirror, do the chicken dance while twirling in a clockwise motion while my eyes remained closed (if I opened them I WOULD DIE) while gently humming like a bee, and repeating this three times. Oh, it had to be done before midnight, but anytime before. Also, all your toilet covers had to be closed and you must be wearing fake antlers. After a while, I realized that the only common theme of these rituals is how hilarious you act. The more hilarious, the higher the success rate. I once saw a spirit of some sort in the corner of my room videotaping me with a translucent "spirit" camera as I jumped from foot to foot calling out to a monster named Jabboof to reveal itself while I was half-naked and wore hundreds of rubber bands around my arms. Huh. I was so angry. Anyways, I'm getting off track. Then you had to open your bedroom door and lie in bed and pretend to be trying to sleep. You will feel something cold in your right hand and you will lift it to your face to find a toaster. There's a burnt, moldy paper inside. You take the paper and read the first three lines, but throw it away in horror at the memory of these ritual instructions. A fire will suddenly appear in order to burn it. You remember that the instructions tell you that the paper describes a boy telling his story. You remember it's describing your story, and continue narrating yourself in your head because everyone always does.
So the monster and I were friends for a while. I made it wear one of my grandma's dresses and we went to a video game store where a creepy man was giving away label-less games for free (like I would take them, idiot) who suckered in a few people. Later we went to our local Fazzbear pizzeria, which was okay because the animatronics didn't smell as bad of an obvious death smell as usual, and only the duck was blurting out demonic, backwards language. We got pepperoni pizza, which sucked. Why do we even go there? Oh right, it's only fast food place besides Joe's Smelly Feet Shack.▼
▲video game store where a creepy man was giving away label-less games for free (like I would take them, idiot) who suckered in a few people. Later we went to our local Fazzbear pizzeria, which was okay because the animatronics didn't smell as bad of an obvious death smell as usual, and only the duck was blurting out demonic, backwards language. We got pepperoni pizza, which sucked. Why do we even go there? Oh right, it's only fast food place besides Joe's Smelly Feet Shack.
So on a moonlit night, the monster told me his name was Zapydo since I had been calling him monster all this time. Now that I think about it, it was kind suspicious.
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We were sitting all quiet and flat lined until a song played in the distance.
"Dundundidundundidundundun, doo dee, doo dee, du du du doo
It was a song that rustled up my indignation and perpetual inner conflicts. I looked out, and in the distance were a man and woman bizarrely dancing in front of a white brick
"We're no strangers to
Me and the monster Zapydo were silent, intrigued.
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"Always gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, always gonna tell a lie and hurt you!!!"
I thought, "Wait a
The song continued with more strange lyrics like, "Your body's been aching, but you're too scared to say it" and, "And if you ask for your release then, I'll make you too blind to run free."
"
"Never gonna give you up, always gonna tear you down, always gonna run around and convert you!"
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The monster looked at me suspiciously.
"Your real name's not
"Yeah," I answered simply, my game then shown for what it was.
"And you were trying to kidnap me, weren't
"Yeah, I was. I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling rickrolls!"
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Potato Jeff crashed through a nearby door, singing with the one who was phone. Then a truckload of potatoes rolled through the door and swamped everyone. I grabbed some to make stew with later.
[[Category:Trollpasta]]▼
[[Category:Satire]]▼
[[Category:Beings]]
[[Category:Loads of Characters]]
[[Category:Memes]]
▲[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.]]
[[Category:DIALOGUE!]]
{{Comments}}
▲[[Category:Trollpasta]]
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