How I Got Caught Stealing Monsters: Difference between revisions
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A picture of smiling Jeff the Potato was at the top of the page. I recoiled in horror, throwing the burnt, moldy page away into a fire.
The page said, which I would have read if I hadn’t thrown the paper into a fire,
Oh wait, that was my story. I’ll continue.
I wiped the sweat off my brow, eyelids, and eyeballs, and jumped back into my bed totally excited for sleep and snoring like I’ve never been excited before.
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An 8-foot monster with purple eyes and brown shoes jumped out from behind my pillow.
I jumped out of bed and we ran circles around it for a few minutes until I said,
It let out a solitary, salty tear of shame.
He wouldn’t know my scheme. None of them ever knew. Night after night, I had drawn monster after monster into a false illusion of security. It was simple, really. Spending hours at a time searching, studying, and following the directions of hundreds of
The simplest and quickest ritual was an obscure one, but proved effective. I only had to knock 6 times on a mirror, do the chicken dance while twirling in a clockwise motion while my eyes remained closed (if I opened them I WOULD DIE) while gently humming like a bee, and repeating this three times. Oh, it had to be done before midnight, but anytime before. Also, all your toilet covers had to be closed and you must be wearing fake antlers. After a while, I realized that the only common theme of these rituals is how hilarious you act. The more hilarious, the higher the success rate. I once saw a spirit of some sort in the corner of my room videotaping me with a translucent
[[File:Dressmonster-1.JPG|thumb|295x295px|My monster friend]]
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We were sitting all quiet and flat lined until a song played in the distance.
It was a song that rustled up my indignation and perpetual inner conflicts. I looked out, and in the distance were a man and woman bizarrely dancing in front of a white brick wall… or was it a chain link fence? Wait, where’d that disco-ball come from?
Me and the monster Zapydo were silent, intrigued.
Me and Zapydo leaned in closer.
I heard and pondered deeply over his words.
I thought,
The song continued with more strange lyrics like,
The monster looked at me suspiciously.
He got up and ran with a girly scream, his arms flailing wildly in a counter-clockwise motion.
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