How I Got Caught Stealing Monsters: Difference between revisions
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A picture of smiling Jeff the Potato was at the top of the page. I recoiled in horror, throwing the burnt, moldy page away into a fire.
The page said, which I would have read if I
Oh wait, that was my story.
"PHEWWWWW!"
I wiped the sweat off my brow, eyelids, and eyeballs, and jumped back into my bed totally excited for sleep and snoring like
An 8-foot monster with purple eyes and brown shoes jumped out from behind my pillow.
"OH no!
"
I jumped out of bed and we ran circles around it for a few minutes until I said, "STOP BEAST!"
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It let out a solitary, salty tear of shame.
"You
"Sniff… really?"
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"Yeah!"
"Oh,
"Aww, you big lug of a beast," I patted his paw.
He
The simplest and quickest ritual was an obscure one, but proved effective. I only had to knock 6 times on a mirror, do the chicken dance while twirling in a clockwise motion while my eyes remained closed (if I opened them I WOULD DIE) while gently humming like a bee, and repeating this three times. Oh, it had to be done before midnight, but anytime before. Also, all your toilet covers had to be closed and you must be wearing fake antlers. After a while, I realized that the only common theme of these rituals is how hilarious you act. The more hilarious, the higher the success rate. I once saw a spirit of some sort in the corner of my room videotaping me with a translucent "spirit" camera as I jumped from foot to foot calling out to a monster named Jabboof to reveal itself while I was half-naked and wore hundreds of rubber bands around my arms. Huh. I was so angry. Anyways, I'm getting off track. Then you had to open your bedroom door and lie in bed and pretend to be trying to sleep. You will feel something cold in your right hand and you will lift it to your face to find a toaster.
[[File:Dressmonster-1.JPG|thumb|295x295px|My monster friend]]
So the monster and I were friends for a while. I made it wear one of my
video game store where a creepy man was giving away label-less games for free (like I would take them, idiot) who suckered in a few people. Later we went to our local Fazzbear pizzeria, which was okay because the animatronics
So on a moonlit night, the monster told me his name was Zapydo since I had been calling him monster all this time. Now that I think about it, it was kind suspicious.
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"Dundundidundundidundundun, doo dee, doo dee, du du du doo dee… Hornhornhornhorn, doo dee, doo dee, du du du doo dee… Hornhorn, hornhorn, horn."
It was a song that rustled up my indignation and perpetual inner conflicts. I looked out, and in the distance were a man and woman bizarrely dancing in front of a white brick wall… or was it a chain link fence? Wait,
"
Me and the monster Zapydo were silent, intrigued.
"I just wanna tell you how
Me and Zapydo leaned in closer.
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I thought, "Wait a minute…"
The song continued with more strange lyrics like, "Your
"Woah…" I said. I started shaking in fear. The two dancers continued twirling and doing a grandpa-style dance in the distance.
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The monster looked at me suspiciously.
"Your real
"Yeah," I answered simply, my game then shown for what it was.
"And you were trying to kidnap me,
"Yeah, I was. I
He got up and ran with a girly scream, his arms flailing wildly in a counter-clockwise motion.
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