How Stella Got Her Groove Back 2: Difference between revisions
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Hi, I'm Kayne...wait, shit I mean I'm Richie "Ball-Lover" Marcus. There's something I've been wanting to talk about since that unfortunate day 3 years ago. I've been struggling to keep it a secret, since I know no one would believe me if I told them and I would undoubtedly be put on the top 10 most wanted criminals in the United States if word got out. You see, sometimes no matter how hard it is to comprehend something as reality, it still sits there, staring us down and making us question life as we know it. Well, I've been questioning reality ever since I found...it. That's right. You know what
Ladies and gentlemen of the interwebz...I hold in my hand the unofficial rough-cut DVD copy of ''How Stella Got Her Groove Back 2: The Grooving''. Now I'm sure many of you have already made your way down to the comments section to post an inflammatory post like "Tits or GTFO" or "U suk my ballz" or, one of my personal favorites, "Elevators make me horny". Well just hold on and I'll explain.
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Stella and Delilah both dash to the vault and arm the C4 as alarms began sounding. The vault blows open and they run inside. "Don't worry, I'll cover you!" Indiana Jones shouts, duel-wielding pistols and firing at the approaching guards (does he do that in any of the movies? Someone's going to have to confirm this for me).
Stella stares at the Groove with mixed emotions. Inside the unidentified floating ball-thing is the formula for all things Groove. Without thinking, she grabs it from the podium. They only manage to get a few steps away when a loud
What happen next could only be described as something that could only be imagined when you inject cocaine, crystal meth, heroin, marijuana, and speed all at the same time: the three end up in a hallway with several doors. They duck into one of the rooms and the boulder follows, all while the Benny Hill theme starts playing. The scene continues with them running in and out of doorways like in Scooby-Doo. After about 3 and a half minutes the boulder decides it was bored and wants to go back to its own planet, so it hops into its rock ship and returns to Rock Planet.
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When the three realize they lost their pursuer they flick on the lights, only to be greeted with a roomful of slimy alien eggs. The eggs start to open up one by one. "The eggs! They're hatching! Run!" Delilah cries.
They dash out of the room as Facehuggers lunge attack the black guy that no one paid attention to until now. Full-grown aliens crawl out of the ceiling tiles and give chase. Just when Delilah trips and is about to get killed, a Predator uncloaks and starts killing the aliens. After killing all the aliens, the Predator turns his weapons on Delilah (
When they get to the roof, the helicopter is waiting to take off. More Predators leap onto the roof from nearby buildings. "GET TO DE CHOPPA!!!" Arnold Schwarzenegger booms, firing his machine gun in all directions. Stella and Indy manage to get in before the helicopter takes off.
Surprise, here's another curveball: as the heli passes over several skyscrapers, a short-range missile barrage knock it out of the sky and crashes onto one of the rooftops. Indy and Stella survive the crash but unfortunately the pilot didn't (I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs. The Pilot). As Stella stands back up, she's greeted with a human-sized robot staring her down. It had grey
"Sup, bitchez." The robot speaks in a monotone voice. "I am BURNING-DOT-TORRENT-DOT-EXE. But my name is not important. What's important is that you have something I need. Hand over the Groove or I will be forced to lobotomize and dismember you. It will be quite painful, I can assure you."
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Indy pulls out a scale-model of The Ark from his jacket. "Close your eyes, Stella!" He opens it up and soul-sucking demons pop out. They retreat back into The Ark soon after. Stella opens her eyes, only to see the robot is still there. "Nice try. But I am a robot. I don't have a soul, you fucking dumbasses. Now hand over the Groove now. Oh yeah and Allahu Akbar and shit."
Just then the
"You call that plot exposition? That was horrible. You were always terrible at creative writing. And you always copied off of me!" BURNING-DOT-TORRENT-DOT-EXE charged at Delilah. The two became locked into an epic sword and gun battle that lasted nearly 10 minutes.
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"I have to. The evil chickens-
(I'm gonna be honest with you, I fast-forwarded through all of this. It's the same overused drawn-out
So anyways Delilah charges her chest-cannon-black-hole thing and fires, creating a small black hole that sucks her and BURNING-DOT-TORRENT-DOT-EXE inside.
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