I HATE YOU: Difference between revisions

This isn't one of those "Haunted Game" stories. At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the game spoke to me, reacted to my words, or forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face.

 

Then, I noticed something else out of sorts...

 

 

 

Still, this didn't belong there and I knew it. For a moment, I considered the fact I'd actually BROKEN a ROM file from over-use!

After taking a screenshot specifically to show all of you Mario Bros. fans out there, I picked up the key and opened the "door", figuring the game would seize up and I'd have to restart.

 

 

 

A whirlpool next to Bowser's already creepy head-cave-thing.

I pressed the right arrow and moved onto the whirling drain...

 

 

"Oh God No"

I entered the map.

 

 

Oddly enough, the whirlpool in the middle of a lake began with the standard "Castle" entry animation. Mario walked up to a castle door, looked up, then went in.

Inside the castle, it started to look more and more like I was in fact experiencing a glitch...

 

 

There was no room to jump. No room to do anything but run left and right. I must've gone right for ten to twenty minutes, just holding the B-button and running along at full speed.

 

After a while I ran into one or two Blind Boos in the darkness above. Then three or four... then the screen was full of them.

 

 

They just kind of hung there, doing nothing. They wouldn't chase me if I turned my back, as with the previous Blind Boo. If I made any noise... like Mario's jump sound... they would just kind of SHUDDER a bit, like they heard the sound of Mario's movements, but couldn't do anything about it.

 

 

 

Now I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this map was designed specifically to screw with the player. Not because the giant "Bleeding Bill" was hemorrhaging profusely from its face, but because it was INESCAPABLE.

That is, unless you're like me and you have the Game Genie cheats on hand. I switched on the code for permanent invincibility.

 

 

I let the Bleeding Bill chase me for a while when I was invincible, just to get a good LOOK at the thing. I stopped, and killed it with my invulnerable touch, only when I saw a message that hadn't been there when I'd passed before.

I saw it again as I approached some Giant Boos...

 

 

I was thankful that the Blind Boos ended at this point, because the more I watched them shudder, the uneasier I felt... almost empathetic toward them, etc.

The thankfulness ended when I turned my back on the Giant Boos and this happened...

 

 

Giant Boos with faces I hadn't seen before. They always looked MAD at being awakened, angry that you were invading their haunted houses across the Mario World Island. This was different, and they looked gleeful. Demented.

It also looked like these Thwomps had been very successful Thwomps...

 

 

More cartoony blood. This was getting pretty unusual for the Mario Bros. franchise, which I hadn't recalled seeing BLOOD in at all. Now I'd seen it used three times. The Bloody Bills, the messages, and these perpetually smashing, grinding Thwomps who were working their victims (who?) into pulp... forever.

It stopped being "fun" really fast, though.

 

 

Now I knew some of what was going on. The bloody mess the Thwomps were unendingly spattering? It was other Marios. Past Marios that had tried to traverse this level and failed.

But...

 

 

Without swimming... without kicking or moving in any way... the Dead Marios started to come at me like torpedoes. Their faces remained blank and blue and... dead... but they moved with astounding speed.

Beside the doorway, a mushroom power-up.

 

 

I didn't touch that shit.

Instead, Mario immediately looked to the side and froze. I couldn't control him anymore. He just stood there.

 

 

Keep looking until you see it.

Then, Luigi spoke,

 

 

It was all connecting, now. The messages scrawled on the walls... "I HATE YOU!" and "WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!"

Still unable to control the character, I watched Mario simply cower in fear as Luigi leapt high into the air... as high as he could in Mario 2, the bastard child of the franchise...

 

 

He jumped on the pathetic, weeping Mario again... and again... and again...

I was powerless to stop it.

 

 

When he was done, he seemed to look at Mario's limp body with this overwhelming rage...

 

 

Then the bridge started to disappear. Soon, Mario would be dead. As I looked on, I had an irrational thought - would in be permanent?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Within an instant, as Luigi turned to seemingly strike a "victory pose" like he'd beaten the level, Mario awkwardly got to his feet and took him by surprise.

To this day, I'm still haunted by the final result of his wrathful reprisal...

 

 

There was the map's title.

 

After Luigi died... well and truly died... Mario just sat on the edge of the bridge and wept.

 

 

I was forced to watch this for minutes on end before the screen faded to black.

It was back to the game as usual. The same exact game I'd played since the 90s, and would probably continue to play for the rest of my days.

 

[[Category:Mario]]

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