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Excerpt from a local Shitpaper:
OMINOUS UNKNOWN<br
KILLER IS STILL<br />
AT LARGE.
After weekz of unexplained murders, tha ominous unknown killa is still on tha rise fo' realz. After lil evidence has been found, a lil' pimp states dat
"I had a
"Dude holla'd, 'Go To Sleep
"They drove tha fuck into tha parkin lot, n' ran towardz tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da playa turned n' ran down tha hallway. I heard a smash, like glass breakin fo' realz. As I came outta mah room, I saw tha window dat was pointin towardz tha back of mah doggy den was broken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I looked up it ta peep his ass vanish tha fuck into tha
Popo is still on tha look fo' dis man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If you peep
Jeff n' his
"
▲Jeff n' his wild lil' gang had just moved tha fuck into a freshly smoked up hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His dad had gotten a promotion at work, n' they thought it would be dopest ta live up in one of em "fancy" hoods. Jeff n' his brutha Liu couldn't diss though fo' realz. A new, mo' betta house. What was not ta love, biatch? As they was gettin unpacked, one of they neighbors came by.
"Well," holla'd Jeffz mom, "I be Margaret, n' dis is mah homeboy Peter, n' mah two sons, Jeff n' Liu." They each introduced
▲"Yo muthafucka," her ass holla'd, "I be Barbara; I live across tha street from yo thugged-out ass. Well, I just wanted ta introduce mah self n' ta introduce mah son." Biatch turns around n' calls her lil hustla over. "Bizzley, these is our freshly smoked up neighbors." Bizzley holla'd hi n' ran back ta play up in his yard.
"Mom, why would you invite our asses ta some kidz party, biatch? If you
▲"Well," holla'd Jeffz mom, "I be Margaret, n' dis is mah homeboy Peter, n' mah two sons, Jeff n' Liu." They each introduced themselves, n' then Barbara invited em ta her sonz birthday. Jeff n' his brutha was bout ta object, when they mutha holla'd dat they would ludd to. When Jeff n' his wild lil' gang is done packing, Jeff went up ta his crazy-ass momma.
"Jeff," holla'd his crazy-ass
▲"Mom, why would you invite our asses ta some kidz party, biatch? If you haven't noticed, I be not some dumb kid."
Da next day, Jeff strutted down stairs ta git breakfast n' gots locked n loaded fo' school fo' realz. As
▲"Jeff," holla'd his crazy-ass mutha, "Our thugged-out asses just moved here; our crazy-ass asses should sheezy dat our crazy-ass asses wanna spend time wit our neighbors. Now, we're goin ta dat party, n' thatz final." Jeff started ta rap yo, but stopped his dirty ass, knowin dat he couldn't do anythang. Whenever his crazy-ass momma holla'd somethang, it was final yo. Dude strutted up ta his bangin room n' plopped down on his bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude sat there lookin at his ceilin when suddenly, he gots a weird feeling. Not so much a pain yo, but... a weird feelin yo. Dude dismissed it as just some random feelin yo. Dude heard his crazy-ass mutha call his ass down ta git his stuff, n' he strutted down ta git dat shit.
Da kid landed n' turned back ta em yo. Dude kicked his skate board up n' caught it wit his hands. Da kid seems ta be bout twelve; one year
▲Da next day, Jeff strutted down stairs ta git breakfast n' gots locked n loaded fo' school fo' realz. As he sat there, smokin his breakfast, he once again gots dat feeling. This time it was stronger. It gave his ass a slight tuggin pain yo, but he once again dismissed it fo' realz. As he n' Liu finished breakfast, they strutted down ta tha bus stop. They sat there waitin fo' tha bus, n' then, all of a sudden, some kid on a skateboard jumped over them, only inches above they laps. They both jumped back up in surprise. "Yo, what tha fuck tha hell?"
"Well, well, well.
▲Da kid landed n' turned back ta em yo. Dude kicked his skate board up n' caught it wit his hands. Da kid seems ta be bout twelve; one year lil'er than Jeff yo. Dude wears a Aeropostale hoodie n' ripped blue jeans.
"And I," holla'd tha straight-up original gangsta kid, "am Randy. Now, fo' all tha lil playas up in dis hood there be a lil' small-ass price fo' bus fare, if you catch mah drift." Liu stood up, locked n loaded ta punch tha lights outta tha kidz eyes when one of his wild lil' playaz pulled a knife on his muthafuckin ass. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, I had hoped you would be mo' cooperatizzle yo, but it seems
▲"Well, well, well. It looks like our crazy-ass asses gots some freshly smoked up meat." Suddenly, two other lil playas rocked up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! One was supa skinny n' tha other was huge. "Well, since yo ass is freshly smoked up here, I'd like ta introduce ourselves, over there is Keith." Jeff n' Liu looked over ta tha skinny kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude had a thugged-out dopey grill dat you would expect a sidekick ta have. "And he be straight Troy." They looked over all up in tha fat kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Talk on some tub of lard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This kid looked like he hadn't exercised since he was crawling.
"Listen here you lil punk, give back mah broz wallet
▲"And I," holla'd tha straight-up original gangsta kid, "am Randy. Now, fo' all tha lil playas up in dis hood there be a lil' small-ass price fo' bus fare, if you catch mah drift." Liu stood up, locked n loaded ta punch tha lights outta tha kidz eyes when one of his wild lil' playaz pulled a knife on his muthafuckin ass. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, I had hoped you would be mo' cooperatizzle yo, but it seems our crazy-ass asses must do dis tha hard way." Da kid strutted up ta Liu n' took his wallet outta his thugged-out lil' pocket. Jeff gots dat feelin again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Now, it was truly strong; a funky-ass burnin sensation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude stood up yo, but Liu gestured his ass ta sit down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Jeff ignored his ass n' strutted up ta tha kid.
"Oh, biatch? And what tha fuck will you do?" Just as he finished tha sentence, Jeff popped tha kid up in tha nozzle fo' realz. As Randy reached fo' his wild lil' face, Jeff grabbed tha kidz wrist n' broke dat shit. Randy screamed n' Jeff grabbed tha knife from his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Troy n' Keith rushed Jeff yo, but Jeff was too quick yo. Dude threw Randy ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Keith lashed up at his ass yo, but Jeff ducked n'
▲"Listen here you lil punk, give back mah broz wallet and else." Randy put tha wallet up in his thugged-out lil' pocket n' pulled up his own knife.
"Jeff how'd yo slick ass?" dat was all
▲"Oh, biatch? And what tha fuck will you do?" Just as he finished tha sentence, Jeff popped tha kid up in tha nozzle fo' realz. As Randy reached fo' his wild lil' face, Jeff grabbed tha kidz wrist n' broke dat shit. Randy screamed n' Jeff grabbed tha knife from his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Troy n' Keith rushed Jeff yo, but Jeff was too quick yo. Dude threw Randy ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Keith lashed up at his ass yo, but Jeff ducked n' stabbed his ass up in tha arm. Keith dropped his knife n' fell ta tha ground screaming. Troy rushd his ass too yo, but Jeff didn't even need tha knife yo. Dude just punched Troy straight up in tha stomach n' Troy went down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As he fell, he puked all over. Liu could do not a god damn thang but look up in amazement at Jeff.
"Jeff, these
▲"Jeff how'd yo slick ass?" dat was all he holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They saw tha bus comin n' knew they'd be blamed fo' tha whole thang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So they started hustlin as fast as they could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As they ran, they looked back n' saw tha bus driver rushin over ta Randy n' tha others fo' realz. As Jeff n' Liu juiced it up ta school, they didn't dare tell what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! All they did was sit n' listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Liu just thought of dat as his brutha beatin up a gangbangin' few lil playas yo, but Jeff knew it was mo'. Put yo muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel this!It was somethang, scary fo' realz. As he gots dat feelin he felt how tha fuck bangin it was, tha urge ta just, hurt some muthafucka yo. Dude didn't like how tha fuck it sounded yo, but he couldn't help feelin aiiight yo. Dude felt dat strange feelin go away, n' stay away fo' tha entire dizzle of school. Even as he strutted home cuz of tha whole muthafuckin thang near tha bus stop, n' how tha fuck now he probably wouldn't be takin tha bus anymore, he felt aiiight. When he gots home his thugged-out lil' muthafathas axed his ass how tha fuck his fuckin lil' dizzle was, n' he holla'd, up in a somewhat ominous voice, "It was a straight-up dope day." Next morning, he heard a knock at his wild lil' front door yo. Dude strutted down ta find two five-o officers all up in tha door, his crazy-ass mutha lookin back at his ass wit a supa pissed look.
▲"Jeff, these officers tell mah crazy ass dat you beat down three kids. That it wasn't regular fighting, n' dat they was stabbed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Stabbed, son!" Jeffz gaze fell ta tha floor, showin his crazy-ass mutha dat it was true.
"Son," holla'd one of tha cops,"
▲"Mom, they was tha ones whoz ass pulled tha knives on mah crazy ass n' Liu."
"Son, call down yo'
▲"Son," holla'd one of tha cops," Our thugged-out asses found three kids, two stabbed, one havin a funky-ass bruise on his stomach, n' our crazy-ass asses have witnesses provin dat you fled tha scene. Now, what tha fuck do dat tell us?" Jeff knew it was no use yo. Dude could say his ass n' Liu had been beat down yo, but then there was no proof it was not em whoz ass beat down first. They couldn't say dat they weren't fleeing, cuz truth be busted some lyrics ta they were. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So Jeff couldn't defend his dirty ass and Liu.
"Sir, dat shit...it was mah dirty ass. I was tha one whoz ass beat up tha kids. Liu tried ta hold mah crazy ass back yo, but
▲"Son, call down yo' brutha." Jeff couldn't do it, since it was his ass whoz ass beat up all tha kids.
▲"Sir, dat shit...it was mah dirty ass. I was tha one whoz ass beat up tha kids. Liu tried ta hold mah crazy ass back yo, but he couldn't quit mah dirty ass." Da cop looked at his thugged-out lil' partner n' they both nod.
"Wait!"
▲"Well kid, looks like a year up in Juvy..."
"Dat shiznit was me, I beat up dem lil punks yo. Have tha marks ta prove dat shit." Dude lifted up his sleeves ta reveal cuts n' bruises, as if da thug was up in a struggle.
▲"Wait!" says Liu fo'sho. They all looked up ta peep his ass holdin a knife. Da officers pulled they glocks n' locked em on Liu.
"
"No Liu,
"Huh, skanky bro. Tryin ta take tha blame fo' what tha fuck I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well, take
▲"No Liu, it was me, muthafucka! I did it!" Jeff had tears hustlin down his wild lil' face.
"Liu, tell
▲"Huh, skanky bro. Tryin ta take tha blame fo' what tha fuck I did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well, take mah crazy ass away." Da five-o led Liu up ta tha patrol car.
"Jeff please, you
▲"Liu, tell em it was me, muthafucka! Tell them, muthafucka! I was tha one whoz ass beat up em kids!" Jeffz mutha put her handz on his shoulders.
"Son, lil hustla what tha fuck is it?" Jeff couldn't answer n' shiznit yo. His vocal cordz was strained from bustin up. Instead, Jeffz mutha strutted his wild lil' daddy inside ta break tha
▲"Jeff please, you aint gots ta lie. Our thugged-out asses know itz Liu, you can stop." Jeff watched helplessly as tha cop hoopty speedz off wit Liu inside fo' realz. A few minutes later Jeffz dad pulled tha fuck into tha driveway, seein Jeffz grill n' knowin somethang was wrong.
"Jeff, itz tha day." her big-ass booty holla'd as
▲"Son, lil hustla what tha fuck is it?" Jeff couldn't answer yo. His vocal cordz was strained from bustin up. Instead, Jeffz mutha strutted his wild lil' daddy inside ta break tha bad shizzle ta his ass as Jeff wept up in tha driveway fo' realz. After a hour and so Jeff strutted back up in ta tha house, seein dat his thugged-out lil' muthafathas was both shocked, sad, n' pissed tha fuck off. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude couldn't peep em yo. Dude couldn't peep how tha fuck they thought of Liu when it was his wild lil' fault yo. Dude just went ta chill, tryin ta git tha whole muthafuckin thang off his crazy-ass mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Two days went by, wit no word from Liu at JDC. No playaz ta ride with. Nothang but sadnizz n' guilt. That is until Saturday, when Jeff is raised up by his crazy-ass mutha, wit a aiiight, sunshiny face.
▲"Jeff, itz tha day." her ass holla'd as her ass opened up tha curtains n' let light flood tha fuck into his bangin room.
▲"What, whatz todizzle?" axed Jeff as he stirs awake.
"Why, itz Bizzleyz party." Dude was now straight-up awake.
"Mom,
"Jeff,
"Son, is dat all yo' goin ta wear?" holla'd Jeffz momma.
"Better than bustin too much."
"Now Jeff,
"I aint gots any fancy clothes!" he yelled down stairs.
"Just pick up
"
"Da lil playas is
Jeff strutted outside ta a yard full of kids. They was hustlin
"Hey. Wanna pway?"
"Ah, no kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be way too oldschool fo' dis stuff." Da kid looked at his ass wit dat weird puppydog face.
"Pwease?" holla'd tha kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Fine," holla'd Jeff yo. Dude put on tha basebizzle cap n' started ta pretend blast all up in tha lil playas fo' realz. At first
"Yo muthafucka, Jeff, is it?"
Randy gots a
"No one interrupts
Jeff screamed n' fell tha fuck ta his knees. Randy started kickin his ass up in tha grill fo' realz. After three kicks Jeff grabs his wild lil' foot n' twists it, causin Randy ta fall ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Jeff stood up n' strutted towardz tha back door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Troy grabbed his muthafuckin ass.
"Need some help?" Dude picks Jeff up by tha back of tha collar n' throws his ass all up in tha patio door fo' realz. As Jeff tries ta stand he is kicked down ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Randy repeatedly starts kickin Jeff, until
"Come on Jeff, fight me!" Dude picks Jeff up n' throws his ass tha fuck into tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Randy sees a funky-ass forty of vodka on tha counter n' smashes tha glass over Jeffz head.
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"Fight!" Dude throws Jeff back tha fuck into tha livin room.
"Come on Jeff, peep me!" Jeff
"Oh, finally
Everyone is lookin at Jeff now, nahmeean, biatch? Da muthafathas, tha bustin up like a biatch kids, even Troy n' Keith fo' realz. Although they easily break from they gaze n' point they glocks at Jeff. Jeff seez tha glocks trained on his ass n' runs fo' tha stairs fo' realz. As he runs Troy n' Keith let up fire on him, each blasted missing. Jeff runs up tha stairs yo. Dude hears Troy n' Keith follow up behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As they let up they final roundz of bullets Jeff ducks tha fuck into tha bathroom yo. Dude grabs tha towel rack n' rips it off tha wall. Troy n' Keith race in, knives ready.
Troy swings his knife at Jeff, whoz ass backs away n' bangs tha towel rack tha fuck into Troyz face. Troy goes down hard n' now all thatz left is Keith yo. Dude is mo' agile than Troy though, n' ducks when Jeff swings tha towel rack yo. Dude dropped tha knife n' grabbed Jeff by tha neck yo. Dude pushed his ass tha fuck into tha wall fo' realz. A
"Whatz so
When Jeff woke
"I don't be thinkin you can git outta bed just yet." her big-ass booty holla'd as
"Honey, is you aiiight?"
Jeffz mutha hugs Jeff n'
"Letz hope fo' tha best," holla'd tha doctor yo. Dude quickly pulls tha cloth; lettin tha rest fall from Jeffz face.
Jeffz mutha screams all up in tha sight of his wild lil' face. Liu n' Jeffz
"What, biatch? What happened ta mah face?" Jeff holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude rushed outta bed n' ran ta tha bathroom yo. Dude looked up in tha mirror n' saw tha cause of tha distress yo. His face. It... itz horrible yo. His lips was burnt ta a thugged-out deep shade of red. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His grill was turned tha fuck into a pure white color, n' his afro singed from brown ta black yo. Dude slowly put his hand ta his wild lil' face.
"Jeff," holla'd Liu, "It aint nuthin but not dat bad
"Not dat bad?" holla'd Jeff," It aint nuthin but perfect!" His
"Uh... Jeff, is you aiiight?"
"Okay, biatch? I've never felt mo' aiiight
"Doctor," holla'd Jeffz mom, "Is mah son... aiiiight, you know
"Oh
"Oh fuck you doctor." Jeffz mutha went over ta Jeff." Jeff,
Jeff looks away from tha mirror, his wild lil' grill still formed tha fuck into a
"This is what tha fuck came in," holla'd tha lady all up in tha desk. Jeffz momma looked down ta peep tha black dress baggy-ass pants n' white hoodie her lil hustla wore. Now they was clean of blood n' now stitched together n' shit. Jeffz mutha
Later dat night, Jeffz mutha woke ta a sound comin from tha bathroom.
"Jeff, what tha fuck is you bustin?" axed his crazy-ass
Jeff looked over ta his crazy-ass mutha n' shit. "I couldn't keep smilin mommy.
"Jeff, yo' eyes!" His eyes was seemingly never closing.
"I couldn't peep mah face. I gots chillaxed n' mah eyes started ta close. I burned up tha eyelidz so I could forever peep mah dirty ass; mah freshly smoked up face." Jeffz mutha slowly started ta back away, seein dat her lil hustla was goin insane. "Whatz
"Yes yes y'all, son," her big-ass booty holla'd, "Yes yes y'all, yo ass is. L-let
"Mommy, you lied." Thatz tha last
▲"Yes son," her ass holla'd, "Yes yo ass is. L-let mah crazy ass go git daddy, so he can peep yo' face." Biatch ran tha fuck into tha room n' shook Jeffz dad from his chill. "Honey, git tha glock we....." Biatch stopped as her ass saw Jeff up in tha doorway, holdin a knife.
His brutha Liu woke up, startled by some noise yo. Dude didn't hear anythang else, so he just shut his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' tried ta go back ta chill fo' realz. As
▲"Mommy, you lied." Thatz tha last muthafuckin thang they hear as Jeff rushes em wit tha knife, guttin both of them.
▲His brutha Liu woke up, startled by some noise yo. Dude didn't hear anythang else, so he just shut his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' tried ta go back ta chill fo' realz. As he was on tha border of slumber, he gots tha strangest feelin dat some muthafucka was watchin his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude looked up, before Jeffz hand covered his crazy-ass grill yo. Dude slowly raised tha knife locked n loaded ta plunge it tha fuck into Liu fo'sho. Liu thrashed here n' there tryin ta escape Jeffz grip.
{{v|4UP9YWsAwPU}}
▲"Shhhhhhh," Jeff holla'd,"Just go ta chill."
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