Lost 70s to 2000s commercials: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "Hello. My name isn't important. Neither is my ASL: Age, Sex, Location. What is important however, is this anecdote I am about to explain in full detail. The retros was the best decade in the history of the world. I love anything and everything pertaining to the retros. I own several Atari Systems, NES SNES Xbox Ps1 Sega Dreamcast, (plural by the way) and GameCube. I even have 5 Ps2. I have almost 100 different VCRs and DVD that I swap out every so often for some casual...") |
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The retros was the best decade in the history of the world. I love anything and everything pertaining to the retros. I own several Atari Systems, NES SNES Xbox Ps1 Sega Dreamcast, (plural by the way) and GameCube. I even have 5 Ps2. I have almost 100 different VCRs and DVD that I swap out every so often for some casual television enjoyment. I have a vast VHS and DVD collection including an claymation of curious George. All of my appliances and furniture are from the 90s. All I eat is Lunchables and Yoplait Trix yogurt, and all I drink is Pepsi vanilla and Sprite. After passing my 34th kidney stone this month, I went to go check YouTube on my 2000s Lenovo Thinkpad that I rigged to be able to browse the inferior "modern" World Wide Web. I was in the mood for some nostalgic 70s to 2000s commercials to cure my chronic depression and take my mind off of my perpetual existential crisis.
I found one of those commercial compilations that I could sit back and relax to. It was titled
He started off with normal dialogue.
The pack of sausage let out a deafeningly loud scream. So loud that turning the volume down to 1% was still too loud. He screamed and screamed away as Jimmy just sat there wiggling his mouth. The Sausage pack got out a .357 magnum revolver, and shot himself. Jimmy was just sitting there eating his sausage. Ultra realistic sausage poured from the sausage
The next commercial for Kinder Surprise Eggs was made In 1984 by company "Ferrero". It contains a real life looking Humpty Dumpty like figure sitting on a wall with a sunset in the background. The figure then says random Gibberish until he opens up the egg and looks at the viewer and says "Chocadooby" and pulls out the toy. At the end he falls of the wall while saying wee! and the words: "Suprise Chocolate Eggs" are seen and the advert fades to black. This puzzled me greatly, especially since if
The next commercial was about Pepsi, starring Jay Gilstrap.
The last commercial was probably the worst of them all. It was a Subway commercial. It started off with Jared in a dark room eating a Sub.
And with that, the compilation was over. The video stopped, and I started to smell something funny after I heard what sounded like something hitting the fan of my laptop. I lifted it up off my desk, and there lay a big fricken turd where my laptop was. My fricken laptop just took a huge crap. Well
I was playing Games for my C64 when I heard a knock on my door. I looked through the peephole to see who it was, and to my surprise, there was Jared The subway guy, Jay gilstrap, and Jimmy dean at my door, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors as they waited for me to answer. I immediately thought of the compilation I saw the week prior. Trying to convince them that no one was home, I decided to sneak out through the back door. While making comedic tiptoes to my back door, I heard a deafeningly loud noise coming from the other side of the house. Apparently, Jared and Gilstrap used Jimmy as a battering ram to bust through my front door. I immediately gave up sneaking and bolted to my back door. Jared caught up to me however, with the supermario speed his shoes he wears gives him, that he seemingly recently painted to look like Super
I woke up sometime later, strapped to my desk chair, wrists slit, body covered in insulin needles, and a Sub made of
And then I closed my laptop and went to bed.
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