Lost 90s Commercials: Difference between revisions

I woke up sometime later, strapped to my desk chair, wrists slit, body covered in insulin needles, and a Big Mac made of children's organs staring me in the face with Ronald holding it, with a hideous, shit-eating grin on his face. Bill Cosby and Wilford Brimley were having small talk across the room over a couple of blood pops… made from my own blood. Ronald said ‘Open'Open wide you disgusting 90s sack of shit." I refused to open my mouth. Ronald took one of his clown shoe-clad feet and stomped on my foot. I screamed in agonizing pain as Ronald shoved the disgusting human sandwich into my mouth. I immediately threw up, all over his big honky clown shoes. Ronald flipped the fuck out. He screamed like a banshee as he went to clean his shoes. Bill Cosby went to go help Ronald as Wilford got up, approaching me. He observed my situation very closely for a good 30 seconds before speaking. "You sir are indeed in quite a pickle." He then materialized a giant can of Quaker oats, holding my mouth open and dumping the entire can of oats down my poor throat. I choked, and choked, and choked some more. I got a big clump of oats down my windpipe, getting stuck as I started trying to breathe. My airway was hopelessly clogged.