Lost Episode of Wacky Races: Difference between revisions

I put the tape back on. Their voices…voices... were so low. They were murmuring something, it was really disturbing. No one talks this low, and I think it may have been a conspiracy. Their heads are turning and they're mumbling, their eyes get a little blood red, or maybe it's just the tint on my 80s bubble tv. I adjusted the knobs and I found that when I turned the knob to the left, the characters…characters... were changing color. First brown, then white, then a beige…sortabeige...sorta gray. No. This was too creepy.

What happened next shocked me to the very core of my being and I will never forget it. I know you won't believe me, I mean why would you. But…But... a man that looked like Adolf Hitler was driving the head car and winning the race. The announcer even says it. "Here comes hitler drivin' down lane Bee buzz buzz bee buzz bee, buzz a bee" He starts talking about bees now and I think the plotline was that dick dastardly was trying to murder people with bees, but the camera stayed on the hitler man, who never smiled. I shivered. How did the creator know I don't like bees?

The characters…theycharacters...they were eating at Ikea. They leered at me. They were leering a sinister leer, I'll tell you that. They were smiling and leering, and smiling and leering. Rufus Ruffcut was assembling a moljinar tea and caddy set for $59.99. The other one, the hairy one, shook his club at me. He SHOOK his club at me. "Get out of here, you fucking Neanderthal." I said. They all gasped in unison. Peter Perfect smiled at me. It was a sinister smile, I'll tell you that much. A little gay, but also sinister.

Wait a minute…minute... the couch from the show. The gruesome twosome were on it. Oh, it was a gruesome twosome alright…theyalright...they weren't wearing pants or underwear or shirts, but they were fucking with socks on. My gag reflex kicked in hard.

That was when the cops showed up. Dick Dastardly was arrested, but there was a hung jury trial because they couldn't prove a lack of jury bias due to his birthname. He was still crying as the announcer declared the race winner, somehow, his voice floating on the county court PA. The winner was…was... a couch. Evidently the couch was on the finish line during the murder, so it was declared the winner by default. Now if you'll excuse me, me and "the misses" have some oiling, lubricating and elbow grease to attend to.