Lucina's Curse: Difference between revisions

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I've always been a big fan of the Fire Emblem series. Specifically, the 13th game in the series, Fire Emblem- Awakening. The game is filled with extraordinary, amazing and unforgettable characters, settings, music, waifus, and a plot that can send chills down even the most flaccid of peoples' spines. Even though the game is so good, and one of my favorite games on the 3DS, there's one thing about the game that I will never forget: The main character (No Chrom go away) Lucina.
 
Lucina has always been one of my favorite characters in all of gaming even since she was announced for Smash Bros. I don't care if she's the Emma Watson of the Fire Emblem universe, she's still amazing. I love her so much, I even went out of my way to buy her amiibo in preparation offor Fire Emblem- Fates that would be coming out soon. I bring it EVERYWHERE that I go; to my friend's house, to my school, in my bed (ESPECIALLY in my bed) and I even bought the Lucina figma online, which I'm certain won't be relevant to this story.
 
Anyway, onto the forskinforeskin of this tale.
 
One day, I was sitting in my bedroom, bored out of my witts, when suddenly, I came to a horrifying realization; it's been one day since I played Fire Emblem- Awakening, which, considering how good the game is, felt like centuries. I decided to pop it back into my New Nintendo 3DS XL© and play it, thinking that the game would be exactly the same as I remembered it.
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The rest of the intro played out as normal, but it was abruptly cut off when it showed Chrom, Larthina and my avatar standing before Grima, almost as if the game was trying to hide something from me. The title screen finally popped up and that glorious orchestral score played. As happy as I was to finally be playing the game after those dreaded 24 hours of my meaningless, insignificant existence, I couldn't shake the feeling that something MAY be wrong with my copy of Fire Emblem- Awakening, but I couldn't exactly put my finger on what it was.
 
I started up the game, selected my save file, stroked my Lucina amiibo's chest, and began playing the game. I was brought to the map screen as normal, but what I noticed was that there was a red merchant icon on the map. I found this to be kinda weird, because usually red character icons indicate that that partically character is an enemy. Regardless, I went to the merchant to see what she had to sell. Oddly, she had only one item for sale: A bottle of red juice that cost exactly 3755269 gold,. Coincidentally, that was the exact amount of gold that I had. (I had way too much time on my hands.) It seemed like a rip-off, but the item description said that if I used it on one of my units, it would maximize all of their stats. I haven't heard of this item at all, and as far as I'm aware, no item like that exists witin the game's files, so the logical move on my part was to buy it. I was flat broke and about to get one of my units hammered to the extreme. I couldn't be in a better position if I was taking yoga class.
 
Of course, I gave the bottle to Lucina. Afterwards, all of her stats shot up to 99, including resistance, which is normally the bitchiest stat to increase on any of my characters. I was so happy that she was now even stronger than before, I threw her into the next battle all by herself. She was doing over 100+ damage to every Risen that tried to glomp her, I was in awe to the point of expelling drool.
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"Gahaha! Did you really think I would let Lucina of all people kill me????" He said, evidentally emphasizing his question marks. My avatar was critically wounded and couldn't do much to fight back. A battle sequence suddenly broke out. Gangrel pulled out a red Levin Sword. His attack strength was 100, his hit rate was 100, and his critical hit rate was 100. "This is SO fair!" I thought to myself. He was about to bring the thunder, in a literal sense. There was nothing I could do but let my avatar die.
 
Suddenly, a steamroller fell from the sky and landed on Gangrel, crushing him into pathetic little hyper-realistic chunks of meat. Lucina climbed down from the bulldozersteamroller and approached my avatar savagely. She looked hungry. My avatar looked firmly at Lucina and pleaded for her to stop all this killing nonsense.
 
"Lucina! Please stop all this killing nonsense!" my avatar said.
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But out of nowhere, the merchant from the beginning of the story darted on screen and grabbed Lucina, and then the screen cut to black. And this time, I DIDN'T accidentally turn off my New Nintendo 3DS XL©.
 
The screen faded back in, showing a place that highly resembled the orignal Donkey Kong arcade game. The merchant was standing on top of the scaffolding of platforms, along with Lucina, who had been tied up with red rope. I wasn't too concerned with saving her, to be honest. I was just thinking about how many views I'd get if I posted a screenshot of that on DeviantArt.
 
My avatar climbed up the platforms, jumping over each and every barrel (Which, by the way, were leaking blood) that the merchant threw. Eventually, she reached the top of the platforms. The merchant jumped in front of her and blocked her from reaching Lucina.
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"But it was ME! DIO!"
 
Of course. Dio Brando. One of the main antagonists of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. It all made sense now. The steamroller, the vampire fangs on Lucina, the blood-colored elixir... It became clear to me that all these trials wherewere leading up to this pinnacle moment in Fire Emblem history. Dio summoned The World and began to mercilessly pummel my avatar. Then, Dio began charging up a hadouken and launched it straight at the screen, and, with the power of awful story-telling, it struck me straight in the face, knocking me out.
 
I found myself in a dark void. There wasn't even a floor or any indication of intelligent life. Suddenly, the darkness vanished and I found myself floating in what appeared to be Heaven. I saw a towering figure stand before me, wearing large red armor and whipping his majestic white locks left and right.
 
It was WahartWalhart, who had finally transended to godhood, just as Efrain Rodriguez predicted.
 
He looked down upon me, with evident disgust, probably because I wrote this story in the first place. I pleaded to him.
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Also, I TOLD YOU that the Lucina figma wasn't gonna be relevant to this story.
[[Category:Vidya games]]
[[Category:Hyper-realistic]]
[[Category:Potty Humor]]
[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Trollpasta]]
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