Mario Bros.: Difference between revisions
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I took my meds for schizophrenia and started jacking off on the couch. Then I remembered there was a game I was supposed to be playing. I called for my dog, Fido, but then realized he didn’t exist, and a strange man in green suspenders brought me my shoes. His name was Luigi and he was our Italian gardener/plumber/pizza preparer. I asked him to make me a pizza but he didn’t wash his hands after using the toilet and there was shit all over the pizza. I threw it, and him in the garbage, when he told me that I couldn’t do this to a man and he abruptly quit, throwing his suspenders in the garbage and walking naked down the street.
Look I don’t want to be an asshole but if you don’t want to get your dick sucked, fucked and chucked man up and stop being a fucking pussy. I picked up that cart and put it into the SNES before realizing that it was just a loaf of bread that someone had drawn on with a crayon and attached two controllers to. This will probably sound racist but that Dennis Hopper-looking guy was at my window and he said "I trolled you, you fucking
I was beginning to think that there was something evil about this existence. I put the game in and pressed "
It was also strange that instead of his usual catch phrase, which was nothing, I heard the phrase "Gotta get all da tacos!
But not this time, not at all. Instead, the turtle screamed "Ow, you’ve broken my
Just then there was a knock at my door. A family of Spanish immigrants, dressed in turtle costumes, stared angrily at me, crying. "YOU KILLED, YOU KILLED OUR SON!
I went into the kitchen and examined the blood on my feet. I got out all the usual supplies. I meticulously cleaned the blood and turtle pieces of bone off of my shoes, used some high tech cleaning supplies to remove the blood that had gunked up around the floor where the murder was committed and slowly, slowly cut up the pieces of the remaining turtle and fed them into the garbage disposal before the Koopa Police could arrive. They examined my house and found nothing but twenty six kilograms of Mexican gold marijuana and some "
I ran into the bathroom and decided to do the warp jump through the pipes. Well, needless to say it didn’t work. That’s where they found me. Dead, slumped over, with my head in the toilet. My corpse smelled horrible, my red overalls were frayed and I had shit my own pants during the sixteen hours it took the police to find me.
As I hovered toward a light of infinite love, the creator of the universe spoke to me, in his native language. My eyes grew teary, wept and wide as saucers. "Hey super Mario, why don’t you fuck off!
I woke up, then, in the toilet. I opened my eyes and brushed the urine out of my eyes and looked out at the world. I was sad, so I could only see the world through a sad lens, but I could see the world. And though I had only been in the toilet for about sixty seconds, it had felt as though aeons had passed. Like a dream.
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