Mario Bros.: Difference between revisions
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Does anyone remember the Mario Bros.? The little known couplet of
I was sitting at home playing my favorite game boy and game girl games when I found the old Sness. I dusted that motherfucker off and popped in a strange cart that had appear by my doorway that was left by a sinister one-eyed man who looked like Dennis Hopper from Speed with spiked tipped hair.
At first I was confused because the cart was all torn up and Mario looked like he was crying on the cover. He looked like a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Lee after her cervix had been removed. My phone rang. It was my supervisor, God. He told me that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and insisted that I follow along with my genetic program he had set up for me. I refused and he told me that I was going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity, I told him we all end up burning like that, like toast, it
I took my meds for schizophrenia and started jacking off on the couch. Then I remembered there was a game I was supposed to be playing. I called for my dog, Fido, but then realized he
Look I
I was beginning to think that there was something evil about this existence. I put the game in and pressed "Power" to start it up. I put on the power glove and began to jack off with it.
It was also strange that instead of his usual catch phrase, which was nothing, I heard the phrase "Gotta get all da tacos!" blare out of the eight bit musical apparatus. Except this was 16 bit and super Mario, so I thought. I immediately jumped forward and landed on a turtle shell. Normally,
But not this time, not at all. Instead, the turtle screamed "Ow,
Just then there was a knock at my door. A family of Spanish immigrants, dressed in turtle costumes, stared angrily at me, crying. "YOU KILLED, YOU KILLED OUR SON!" they cried and pointed through me, at the tv, as though I
I went into the kitchen and examined the blood on my feet. I got out all the usual supplies. I meticulously cleaned the blood and turtle pieces of bone off of my shoes, used some high tech cleaning supplies to remove the blood that had gunked up around the floor where the murder was committed and slowly, slowly cut up the pieces of the remaining turtle and fed them into the garbage disposal before the Koopa Police could arrive. They examined my house and found nothing but twenty six kilograms of Mexican gold marijuana and some "magic" mushrooms. As I ate some of them and began jumping around the police opened fire. These must have been defective because I
I ran into the bathroom and decided to do the warp jump through the pipes. Well, needless to say it
As I hovered toward a light of infinite love, the creator of the universe spoke to me, in his native language. My eyes grew teary, wept and wide as saucers. "Hey super Mario, why
I woke up, then, in the toilet. I opened my eyes and brushed the urine out of my eyes and looked out at the world. I was sad, so I could only see the world through a sad lens, but I could see the world. And though I had only been in the toilet for about sixty seconds, it had felt as though aeons had passed. Like a dream.
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