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I later awoke in confusion. The air felt unnaturally dry, devoid of discernible temperature, and the ground I lay on seemed suspiciously fake despite its realistic appearance. I stumbled as I got up, not used to my new body weight. Looking down, my shirtless body revealed a 6-pack. I tried rubbing my eyes, but something plastic blocked them. I dawned a pair of sunglasses only a man with the ultimate rizz would wear. I was Johnny Cage!
 
Appearing before me stood an old man dawning a fancy Asian robe. "Jeff never stood a chance -- neither will his pathetic mortal friend!" Shang StungTsung said. "Did you just suck me?" I asked. "I sucked your soul. Lose against me and you lose it forever -- like Jeff!" "Wait, so long have you been on Twitch? Have you ever donated to someone as Nick Gur--" "Silence, fool!" Shang StungTsung said before firing a flaming skull at me. With my quick rizz techniques I managed to dodge it. "Bring it on old man, bring it on!" "Round 1, FIGHT!" a booming voice from the heavens shouted.
I tapped my feet around, light on my toes like Liu Kang. I fired an energy ball towards the elder, but he ducked it and charged for me. I pondered what Kevin Spacey would do in this situation, which made my mind sharper. "Christmas came early, punk!" I said as I did a back roundhouse kick to Shang's wrinkled face. He flung across the arena, with a comical amount of blood spilling on the ground. "Balls in your face!" I said before flinging a low energy ball, causing Shang StungTsung to trip back into the corner. I charged forward and spammed a flurry of jump kicks like a first grader or boomer playing Mortal Kombat. Shang had enough, giving round 1 to me.
 
Shang StungTsung groaned, his battered body rising from the blood-soaked ground, attempting to look intimidating by cracking his neck. "Any last words before I banish your ass to the Netherrealm?" I said. "No. It is you that shall be banished!" And with that, round 2 commenced. As I thought about what Nicolas Cage would do in this situation, Nick Cage himself appeared before me. Blinking hard a few times, my eyes did not deceive me. It was truly the one and only Nicolas Cage. "I should be playing Johnny Cage, not this bozo." "Yo Shang what's the hold up, is this a leaked character for MK12 or something?" That's when Nicolas vanished and Shang StungTsung appeared in his place, with an evil grin. My heart skipped a beat. "Right... You can literally transform into anyone." That's when Shang transformed into a dead-man walking... Jeff Fraglemen.
 
I raised my sunglasses up and went to approach him as he stood there like a statue. "Jeff?" Jeff grabbed a hold of my arm tightly, twisting it in a crushing grip. I stared deep into his eyes... realizing those weren't his eyes. Jeff flung me into the corner on his side of the screen, draining a lot of my HP. "This is for taking my last Oreo!" I said before shadow-kicking fake-Jeff in the jaw, causing a shower of fake teeth to fly out. I retaliated with a barrage of energy balls, bombarding the imposter Jeff with relentless force, determined to protect my dignity and, more importantly, the memory of my last Oreo.
 
Shang StungTsung transformed back to his regular self, and began raising flaming skulls out of the ground to attack me. "Got a bone to pick?" I said, dodging the skulls. "Your soul is miiiine!" were the last words Shang StungTsung uttered before I delivered a crushing uppercut to his face. Shang's body rapidly flashed white and yellow like a demonic rave, with what appeared to be souls escaping his body. The ground shook like a 500 lbs. man walking to the microwave for chicken tendies. I lost my balance and held on to the edge of the arena, my feet dangling with spikes below me. I was worried my sunglasses would fall off. Suddenly, an intense tremor caused me to lose my grip. "No, my sunglasses!" I said, plunging into the abyss.
 
Then, everything appeared white, as if the universe had reset and God had not created anything yet. "L-let there be light..." I choked out, followed by my vision coming back. I laid in the ruins of Jeff's trailer park. I raised up and saw the CRT in a ditch with a gaping, smoking hole in it. Did I win? Did I avenge my friend's death? I hoped so. Feeling my abs, I learned my rizz stayed intact. I still had Johnny Cage's body! But my smile wiped away as I felt a huge dong slap me across the face. I groaned and rubbed my cheek. Towering over me stood a massive, hulking beast with no clothes on. Naked Goro.
 
"You did it! You beat the game! You got me out! I knew I could count on you!" Goro said, hugging me tightly with his bottom set of arms. "What the hell's going on?" I asked of the beast. "It's me, Jeff! I tried taking on Shang StungTsung as Goro, which was a big mistake since I didn't know his moves that well." "Y-you're Jeff?" "Yes! Just like how you picked Johnny Cage and now you're still Johnny. I picked Goro, and I'm still Goro!" "Are we stuck like this forever?" "Maybe, but who cares! I'm just thankful to be alive. Say, why don't we go get some Oreos?"
 
Suddenly, a van of miserable people pulled up to the destroyed trailer. But not just any van of miserable people, it was Jeff's family. "Holy moly! Call the National Guard, a naked giant just destroyed Jeff's trailer!" Jeff's dad cried. "Uh oh, gotta run!" Jeff said before stomping off into the forest. I really, really hope he finds clothing his size. Jeff's family drove off, followed by an ambulance pulling up.
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