My sexy fan fiction
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It happened when I was only 16. I was playing Halo: Reach because that's one of the best Halo games ever and is better than that stupid gay Halo 5 shit. I was just relaxing and playing the game when all of a sudden Bill Nye came out of the video that was playing in the background because he's the sexiest man alive since Danny Dorito or Mick Romney. He's way more sexy than Obama because I don't like black men. So when Bill Nye the sexy guy came out of the screen he said "I'm going to teach you the science of being raped kid." He then began touching me up on my fat flaps because I weigh about 400 pounds. I started to get a hard on, but he couldn't tell because my dick was too small and I am too fat. So he took out his Shrek-sized dick and began raping me in the butt. Just then, Mick Romney came from the T.V. that my parents left on titled "Political candidates that people cared about 4 years ago, but now don't because they didn't become the president." The time now was 2016. That could only mean one thing: No one for some reason cares about Mick Romney. I called this bullshit because he was the sexiest candidate that ran during the time I was 12 and horny for him. He is a very beautiful man, like Glenn Close. He came in and beat up Bill and even took the fake dick he had on that he was raping me with right off of him. I got really mad because it turned out that Bill was a faker. I yelled at him and then Mick Romney started to take out his real dick and slapped Bill right in the anus as a signal to gtfo. "This isn't the last of me," said Bill. Me and Mick knew that we had to kill Bill. I thought that was kind of funny and went back to fapping and playing Halo. I didn't want to kill Bill because even though he raped me with a fake dick, I still loved him for teaching me science. Mick wanted me to so we could defeat him and become the true rulers of the Illuminati and have many of the sexes. I never did chase him, because I'm too fat and lazy. So I went back to playing Halo and eventually joined the Illuminati because Bill and Mick were asshole buddies in it and they needed a third so I went in and had sex with them and other various members like Master Chief, Samus, Shrek, Sgt. Johnson, Jerry Seinfeld, Ted Bundy, Hitler, Stalin, Obama Bin Laden, Jesus, Moses, Newt Gingrich, Gary, Mitcherly (which is Beverly and Mitch together), Jesus's son God, Carlos, Timmy, Corbin, Dawson, Brady Nellie, Snoop Lion, Dr. Drake, Kayae West, Kimmitha Kardashian, Kadaffi, Winston Churchill, Shadur teh edgehog, Sonic.exe, Ben, Eyeless Johnny, Laughing Joke, Jeff the rapper, Tupac, Danny Dorito, Glenn Close, Morgan Butterfreeman, Caterpiss, Pikablue, Brock from Pokeymans, Red from Godzilla SNES, Mario, Liguini, Moder Brain, George Lopez, Hatsune Miku, and of course the sexiest person of them all, Jayden Smith. Well thanx 4 wasting a few years of your time listening to mi retarded story. I hope you lost some brain cells.
"But this is not the end," a voice boomed. I couldn't recognize the voice, so I got my lazy ass up and looked outside to see who was chanting some more stuff at me. I was really shaken when I saw who it was. It was (pausing for dramatic effect) Tommy. I was shaken because I thought he was still mad at me for stealing all of his Mountain Dew and Doritos and getting into FaZe while he was stuck in the Chinese knockoff, RaZe. He was hollering at me to come outside to show me something. I got of my fat lazy ass to see what it was he wanted to show me. Instead of showing me something, he groped me and then