Night Watchman Wanted: Difference between revisions
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When I saw the ad in the local paper, "Night Watchman needed. $1,000,000 per hour, no experience needed," I was curious. As a student fresh out of college, I needed money, and $1,000,000 per hour could help me afford to live somewhere in America. I applied for the position, and almost immediately, I got a call on my phone. It was from "Super Security Industries Inc." The man on the phone sounded nervous, and I could hear lots of pee coming out of his penis. By the sound of it, I could tell it was fear pee. I just know these things. "Hello," he said, trembling and peeing. "Hi," I replied with dry pants and probably a bigger dick. "Would you like to be a night watchman?
When I got to the corporation building, it looked spooky. There were lots of Jack-O-Lanterns outside and pictures of spiders on the windows. "What the frick," I said. Then I
I was settling into the security room to watch the cameras when I saw a binder on the desk. "What the fricking frick." I said. Usually security desks
'''Rule 1:'''
'''Rule 2:''' If all the lights shut down,
'''Rule 3:''' If you hear her screaming, or laughing, or crying, or see her smiling, or holding a knife and smiling, or rattling chains, just ignore her.
'''Rule 4:''' If you see one of the bathroom pipes burst and start spewing all over the place,
'''Rule 5:'''
'''Rule 6:''' At 3:33 AM,
'''Rule 7:''' Have fun lol xD!!!
"Whoa," I said. Those were some spooky rules. Was this some sort of joke? Probably. I LOLed at the dank prank. Then, I went back to looking at the security cameras. I
Just then, all the lights shut down. I was too scared to dab on the haters, and I wondered if the haters were dabbing on me. That was a terrifying thought and I peed from my big cock. When I finished, I got my flashlight, and found the binder full of rules. I read rule 2 once again, which
'''Rule 2:''' If all the lights shut down,
I bet that was really cool to read again. I got up from my chair, and headed to the basement. There were lots of plastic spiders and cotton webs on the walls. On the basement door, there was even a cartoon cutout of a goblin and a witch. This was getting serious now, but I was wearing a Tap Out t-shirt and a backwards cap, so I believed in myself, and I knew I was even more special than Elsa and all of the Avengers combined. I opened the door, and headed down the creaky wooden steps. I heard a voice calling out to me by name. It was certainly spooky, but I remembered to use my natural defenses to my advantage. I sprayed a thick mist of butthole ink down the stairwell, and that kept the spooky voice at bay. On a shelf to my right, I saw something shiny. Like in a video game, when
I turned the power on, but before I reached the security room again, I saw a girl standing in the hallway. She looked like the girl from The Ring, but I assure you, it was even spookier. "H-hello," I stammered to the obvious ghost. The girl just laughed, cried, or screamed, depending on which one is creepier. I looked back at my binder full of rules, and again, for your benefit,
'''Rule 3:''' If you hear her screaming or laughing, or crying, or see her smiling, or holding a knife and smiling, or rattling chains, just ignore her.
"Holy moly," I said. That must have been who the writer meant by "her." It was super cool that they just described her as "her" rather than "spooky ghost girl." Being vague with pronouns is a well-known method of being creepy and crawly. The last part of the rule said to ignore her, but I get into political arguments on video game subreddits, so I knew better. I walked closer to the spooky ghost girl, still under the impression that she
I
Suddenly, the phone rang.
'''Rule 5:'''
I was beginning to think these rules were something I should take seriously. Maybe it
I spent the next half hour chilling like a dope, lit gangster, but then I remembered something. It was 3:32. There was something important about 3:33. I shrugged it off though, because I was listening to fresh beats on my AirPods. Just then, a Frankenstein, a mummy, and a werewolf burst in through the door. I was so shocked, spooked, and seduced, that I quickly looked through my binder. Did you remember rule 6? Probably not. Here,
'''Rule 6:''' At 3:33 AM,
A silver fork? Where could I find a silver fork? How could I defeat a Frankenstein, a mummy, and a werewolf within one minute? How could I be the hero the world needed? Luckily, I did all that, and everything was good.
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