Night Watchman Wanted: Difference between revisions
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When I saw the ad in the local paper, "Night Watchman needed. $1,000,000 per hour, no experience needed,
When I got to the corporation building, it looked spooky. There were lots of Jack-O-Lanterns outside and pictures of spiders on the windows. "What the frick,
I was settling into the security room to watch the cameras when I saw a binder on the desk. "What the fricking frick.
'''Rule 1:''' Don’t look in camera 666. You’ll see a creature that looks like Slender Man and Jeff the Killer, but is actually way scarier.
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'''Rule 7:''' Have fun lol xD!!!
"Whoa,
Just then, all the lights shut down. I was too scared to dab on the haters, and I wondered if the haters were dabbing on me. That was a terrifying thought and I peed from my big cock. When I finished, I got my flashlight, and found the binder full of rules. I read rule 2 once again, which I’ll repeat for your benefit.
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'''Rule 2:''' If all the lights shut down, you’ll have to go to the basement where there are like, a million ghosts. Use the minigun on the shelf to kill them all.
I bet that was really cool to read again. I got up from my chair, and headed to the basement. There were lots of plastic spiders and cotton webs on the walls. On the basement door, there was even a cartoon cutout of a goblin and a witch. This was getting serious now, but I was wearing a Tap Out t-shirt and a backwards cap, so I believed in myself, and I knew I was even more special than Elsa and all of the Avengers combined. I opened the door, and headed down the creaky wooden steps. I heard a voice calling out to me by name. It was certainly spooky, but I remembered to use my natural defenses to my advantage. I sprayed a thick mist of butthole ink down the stairwell, and that kept the spooky voice at bay. On a shelf to my right, I saw something shiny. Like in a video game, when there’s an item you need to pick up. That’s actually how it worked in this story, which is real life, and the item turned out to be a minigun. I added the minigun to my inventory, and then equipped it. Just in time too, because I saw a ton of ghosts. I screamed, "eat minigun bullets you ghastly ghouls!
I turned the power on, but before I reached the security room again, I saw a girl standing in the hallway. She looked like the girl from The Ring, but I assure you, it was even spookier. "H-hello,
'''Rule 3:''' If you hear her screaming or laughing, or crying, or see her smiling, or holding a knife and smiling, or rattling chains, just ignore her.
"Holy moly,
I couldn’t believe how many spooky things I had seen. Could a corporation industry really lie to me like that? Could they really tell me it was all just a normal night watchman job that paid $1,000,000 per hour, when it was actually a spooky ghost job? Unbelievable. But I believed it. America is a nation of lies. Lies and deceit is all you’ll get under a blanket of money and capitalism. I went back to watching the security cameras.
Suddenly, the phone rang. I’m well-known for being a cool guy who doesn’t learn from experience, and not a loser virgin, so I picked it up. On the other end, I heard my mom. But she was dead. "Mom, you’re dead,
'''Rule 5:''' Don’t trust anyone on the phone.
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