O' Toodles

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Far away, in the land known as the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, there was great horror, pain and sorrow. As I turned on the T.V, I flipped to what was Disney Channel, but I remembered the Time Warner switched the channel numbers. I accidentally clicked on it and was about to back out of the channel, but to my eyes behold, I saw Mickey Mouse Clubhouse title on the screen. This MUST be Disney Channel, but why does it say ‘BLOD CHANNEL’ in the left hand corner? The title did look different though, it was in a baby bop font, and in hyperrealistic blood red coloring. Then, the ‘roll call’ intro with the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song was starting, but I then notice it was in satan mode, and the theme song was playing backwards. When mickey was on screen, it looked as if half of his ear was bitten, and hyperrealistic blood was slowing dripping from it. I shrugged it off, merely thinking this was a halloween special. As the show continued, Mickey was standing in the middle of the clubhouse, but it was still in satan mode. He said, “Hello kids, today we will be roaming our beautiful home, hell.” I knew that SOMETHING must be wrong here. Disney would never talk about hell, or would it? Maybe BLOD CHANNEL, was making an adult parody of my favorite show, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? No, this must be the real thing, I remember that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse rules, and they say NO to any parody making. ANYWAY, I saw Mickey dancing in place for a minute, but then the clubhouse door rang. Mickey skipped over to the door like he usually does, and the satan mode turned off. 666 Goofy’s were at the door in satan mode, then in regular color. They pushed Mickey out of the way, and stood in the middle of the Clubhouse where Mickey stood at the beginning of the show. With piercing eyes, the Goofy’s stared at the camera and said, “Hello kids. We are satan, pleasure to meet your acquaintance, but now, we will summon the devil's right hand man, a dictator of hellish rule, Toodles.” Mickey and The Goofy’s began their ritual dance, but I continued to watch. an atheist symbol and the words obey were on the floor, and the original Toodles from the regular show rose from the very spot. Mickey showed the tool for the day which were, Blood, a Hatchet, a crucifix burning, and the mystery mouse-ca-tool. I was appalled, but braved through the images with heavy courage. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Daisy, gathered on the other side of the clubhouse away from the Goofy’s. They talked about a rebellion of Satan, but then the Goofy’s rised behind them. “We heard that, bitches.”

“FUCK!” said the Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Daisy as they ran out of the clubhouse, but they were shocked to see the Goofy’s already at the end of the slide, stuck. “This is our chance to get out of here!”, Said Minnie. “Nonsensical, Minnie. We have to get them out. Donald, Daisy, get the air ballon.” Minnie and Mickey pushed the Goofy’s just when Donald and Daisy got the balloon. Mickey and Minnie jumped off the top of the slide and into the balloon and left Donald and Daisy to die. They were floating above the goofy’s when all of a sudden the Toodles appeared and said “Die, Motherfucker” and popped the balloon. Mickey and Minnie started to descend when I screamed “O’ Toodles! Say O’ Toodles!” O’ Toodles appeared and said “FUCK YOU” and out of the screen came a dildo and some shit. “WHAT THE?” I exclaimed. “EAT THE SHIT, MICKEY” Mickey was also my name, in this I was scared to death. How the hell did he know my name? I begin to cry as I slowly eat the shit, when the camera panned over to Mickey Mouse eating shit. HE WAS FUCKING TALKING ABOUT MICKEY MOUSE, NOT ME! FUCK! I was outraged at this point, but then...oh then...did Mickey have this creepy dimly lit face on him. He took the hatchet from Toodles and stabbed Minnie, he then cuddled her corpse and jumped from the balloon. The Goofy’s cast a pandaren wizard spell and opened a portal to hell where Mickey was going to fall. Mickey screamed, and had such a hyperrealistic face on of horror. He fell into what the Goofy’s said was the depths of hell. The Goofy’s waved at mickey and closed the pit. It was pitch black and mickey used a match to light up the pit. He light a cigarette and said ‘Sorry kids, when I’m stressed I light them up.” I almost puked. Mickey? Smoking? What kind of sick creature is making this shit up? He continued to walk through the deeps of hell while background screams of horror echoed around him. He looked all over and tripped over something. The camera panned down to two rotting corpses, Daisy’s and Donald’s. The camera shacked as Mickey screamed and got up from them. Then, Donald awoke and grabbed Mickey by the collar and went right to his ear, licked it and said, “nooo morrree toolssss” while spitting in his ear. He laid back down and died. “NOOOO!” Screamed Mickey. He put some of Donalds blood on his fingers, and spread it across each cheek like an Indian preparing for battle. He cut off Donalds dick and put it on his elbow like a spike, then cut off his dick and put it on his other elbow. He said, “O’ Toodles, I have a mystery for you”

Mickey rised up from the depths, and was in the middle of a feild flooded with blood, the sky red. Toodle took out the mystery mouse ka tool. An x-calibur sword from hell. Mickey gave his soul to The Goofy’s, and in turn he received a sword to. They charged at each other and then when they were about to hit each other the screen went black. I kind of just stood there for a moment when white letter on the screen appeared saying THERE ARE NO MORE PROGRAMS FOR TODAY. I called Time Warner Cable and a gay guy answered the phone saying, “Hello, sunshine! How may I help YOU today?” I said, “Fuck you. Just, fuck you.” Then he called, “O’ Mr.Toddles! We have an upset customer…”

THE END