Our Generation

"uw0tm8?" The chav asked me.

"I -I -I was simply saying that you should pull up your jeans," I replied, backing down into a corner. The chav pulled out a knife and imitated stabbing motions into the air.

"ill shank yur wh0le fam m8" the chav stated.

"No, please don't shank me!" I screamed. Suddenly, I was stabbed in the side of my body and had lost my wallet. I pulled my self up, brushing my classy pants of dust and holding onto my wound, and progressed through the street.

A few Aston Martins with the biggest spoilers you'd ever see rushed by me, with chavs with buffs (disgusting cloth that you wear around your neck, look it up on Google Images) crouching on the roofs of the vehicles.

This Damn apocalypse, if you could call it one, would never of happened if parents would just not spoil their fucking child.

I exited the city; I didn't want to be near them monsters anymore.

Again, I was ambushed by a group of prepubescent teens.

"oi, u m8. im gna shank u and taek ur money" they said.

I held onto my phanny pack, and raced out of the city. Of course, them children caught up to a rickety old fuck like me. I was shanked in the other side of my chest.

For God's sake.

I was raided of my clothes, and I did the walk of shame out of the city.

You may be thinking, what would children be doing out at 8:00am? Of course you wouldn't, because A: You didn't even know it was 8:00am, B: No one questions a story.

Well, the teens over powered the government, at least, they like to think they did, and threw toilet paper and sprayed Silly String over the school. They call that, "vandalism"  these days. The government thought it was a total overwhelming and surrendered to the teenagers.

Black markets selling knives and My Little Pony magazines for free were instantly opened, and they never went to school ever.

Anyway, I found an old fraud lying on the pavement, dying.

I bashed his skull in. He was getting in my way.

I stepped over the dead corpse and trudged on.

69 hours later, I was back at the same place.

Shit, I'd gone around in a fucking circle.

I'm so retarded.

I went into the forest, where an old man was smoking a cigarette next to a tree. He caught my eye.

"Stephen Hawkins? I thought I raped you and paralysed you to your chest!"

"Wai- what?" I stuttered, my brains fucked up from what he just said.

"Uhm, never mind. What did you need?" He quickly asked, averting the conversation.

"I just needed to find a way to stay the hell away from those kids."

"Oooft, I wouldn't call them kids. Hate it, they do. Anyway, I'd just stay in the forest. The teens piss themselves thinking about it since they all believe in this Slenderman bullshit."

"Ah. But if I'm going to stay here, would I not need to actually survive, and do things rather than sitting at my couch watching The Jeremy Kyle Show all day?"

"Mhmm. Over here," he beckoned over into the dark forest.

TU BI CONTINUED