Poop Whistle: Difference between revisions
m
→top: replaced: … → ... (5)
m (Text replacement - "“" to """) |
m (→top: replaced: … → ... (5)) |
||
(7 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown) | |||
Line 1:
{{
''What follows is the entire text of [[Blood Whistle]] with the word "blood" and variations thereof replaced with the word "poop" and "red" in relation to blood with "brown." The images have been edited, but everything else is the original text. I did this on a whim and to my surprise, it was so funny I decided to make it its own page. If this breaks any rules, I am sorry!''
__NOTOC__
<h2>Foreword</h2>
[[File:Poopwhistle.
This is the recorded blog of a college student who was playing a modified version of Super Mario Brothers 3 on his computer. Shortly after submitting the last entry, he committed suicide in his dorm room.
<h2>June 5th, 2012</h2>
A friend of mine recently sent me what he claims to be a scary Super Mario Brothers 3 hack that he wanted me to try out (because he
<h2>June 6th, 2012</h2>
I played some of the game today. Obviously my friend was misinformed, as I have played all the way through 1-3 and have found nothing irregular. All of the sprites, levels, and sounds
<h2>June 7th, 2012</h2>
I wish I
[[File:Poop_whistle.png|thumb|325px|My first encounter with the Poop Whistle.]]
I entered the castle stage. Knowing its only secret was the warp whistle, I disposed of a dry bones before donning a raccoon tail. With a running start I was flying above the stage until I hit the secret area. My whole life before I hit up on my arrow keypad was completely different. I was happy. I was normal. I could wake up in the morning recognizing my own reflection, being absolute about my safety. Now
The blocks that lined the wall were a gloomy albeit polished obsidian black.
Poop Whistle.
Line 27 ⟶ 25:
HEAR ITS CRY.
I then ran towards the chest to see its contents. The chest was drenched in reflective, realistic poop of the same type emanated by the orifices and exposed cranium of the poor little mushroom-headed fellow. Pressing onward, I ran through it to discover its dark secret. Its twisted surprise. I
A poop-soaked warp whistle ominously rose from what I now believe to be the deepest crevice of hell. It blipped twice as the normal whistle would. That, my fellow reader, was the only normality of what I have played today. It played a deep tune that I
I call it this because it had only the cookie-cutter outline of the quaint island. The water consisted solely of the same poop aforementioned in my encounter with the whistle. Corpses of Koopas and other enemies of Mario were scattered afloat near the shores. White menacing eyes glared at me between the waves, surfacing just to cast their evil glance at Mario (or me, I
I guess that I figured out the acronym from the ROM title meant Poop Whistle the hard way. Despite the horrors that plague this abomination, I will continue to subject myself to this suffering for the sake of all of you. Well, also for mine.
There are five thousand people that have followed this blog in the two days that
<h2>June 8th, 2012</h2>
Well, I did it. I managed to clench the fickle fibers of my perception of reality long enough to play through world two. I have come to the conclusion that whoever made this is completely and utterly deranged.
I find myself asking how I could have missed major things like this yesterday when I saved the game in this world. I
This was a reversed version of the overworld theme. Whispers and other paranormal phenomena could be heard playing in harmony with the music, saying cryptic things. After about a minute I began to record the sound.
The stage itself was VERY scary. The sky was grayish-blue accompanied by an almost white sun. The colors
I flew for a little while, which was nice.
He was miraculously alive, his body twitching in a feeble attempt to rise. A fire creature jumped on Mario, who was now pinned to the ground and screaming in pain. His scream was bitterly realistic. It reeked of such ineffable pain it hurts me now to describe the sheer degree of torture this character was put through. There he was. Burning and seething in pain and there I sat, completely powerless. Forced to watch what I thought was the end of his trials on world two. I was so wrong.
The level select came into view. Whistle through back, Mario was transported to one of the Pyramid levels. When the level started, the background was an egregious smoke-filled black. Bursts of lightning filled the sky with illumination. Winged demons in flight were visible upon these strikes. Also in the skies glowed stagnantly lit pentagrams and 666. Mario was being carried by two of
The bricks were cracked and faded with age. The edges were jagged with dried poop caked each block. Nothing but a heavy drum beat and the sounds of thunder played in the background. The thunder
Bowser towered above everyone else, intimidating and terrible. Below stood four of his sons, two of which had carried Mario: Morton, Iggy, Ray, and Von Koopa. Above the entire scene were the words Poop Whistle in bright brown neon letters.
Mario
Suddenly, Von Koopa produced a dagger. It gleamed with uncanny realism in the light of the Poop Whistle sign that loomed above. After a brief pause, he began to slice
His sons laughed as he did this, poop flowing from
I myself asked the very same question. Why would they treat him as an animal- if not less- for their amusement? Why would someone initiate the genesis of such a horrid contraption? A contraption in which life and death have no meaning and are manipulates, a contraption in which concepts such as morals, remorse and mercy are completely foreign? It makes me shudder to think that there is someone sick enough out there to put a character through this kind of unbearable hell just to sit back and laugh. It makes me absolutely sick to my core.
Oh, that reminds me of another thing.
I believe without a shadow of a doubt that inside this game is a character with a complex range of emotions, someone who feels like you and me. But
I
<h2>June 9th, 2012</h2>
Before I tell this, I have to let you in on a piece of relevant information. In the 4th grade, I used to play the recorder. Every kid had to learn some musical skill, and I liked wind instruments because of their method of play, appearance, and sound. Such is the irony of the instrument that has caused me all of this grief. In my dream I was playing the instrument in a dark room.
I was my 4th grade self, just coolly playing Mary Had a Little Lamb. Out of nowhere, I began to cough. I had choked on some poop that had materialized within and around my recorder. It covered it, and soon filled it. Poop began to pour in great quantity out of all of the
I woke up, the sheets plastered to my bare chest with sweat. I was completely fine. Not a scratch on me. As I sat there in bed, afraid of how
It was a picture of a SMB3 Raccoon Mario sprite on a black backdrop. He was chained up by his legs and feet, and the chains reached outside of the screen. The Poop Whistle sat as the centerpiece of it all through
The tune of the Poop Whistle played over and over, a loop that only exacerbated the sound within the walls of my psyche. I tried exiting out of whatever this program might have been but the window
I was on a weak imitation of the world 3 level map. The water was none other than poop. Ravenous fish jumped out of the water, looks of primal hunger on their faces. There was something off about
A cherry brown tint absorbed the entire screen. This was to be expected, as the water looked poop-ridden from the outside as well. I swam down the left side of the level to get a fire mushroom. As soon as Mario got it and his outfit changed, he got an evil simper on his face.
He looked at me and said "''Revenge, yes''?
There was a large fish with rows of razor-sharp teeth. Below him were two power up blocks, one black-looking and one purple-looking. I assumed that these were supposed to mean brown and blue. Obviously there was no progress from this point without finding out what these blocks had in store.
The fish swam around from its position in top of us and began to tear off
Bubbles stopped coming from
<h2>June 10th, 2012</h2>
Campus police gave me a visit today. Apparently one of you had reported my comments related to suicide and claimed I was insane. As a result, I have eliminated all personal information from this blog. I located the person who reported me and banned him. I also have an IP tracker, so
Princess
Her eyes grew an ominous brown as she pushed
POOP WHISTLE
Line 110 ⟶ 108:
The letter scene was abruptly cut off and the world 4 level select map was brought into view. Goombas and Koopas of all sizes appeared, furious and hungry as ever. This addition made sense. This was the giant/tiny world, the shown enemies would be dimensioned as such. The normally green grass was withered and dead. The small patches of water were poop. Mario still was in the fireball fatigues that he donned in world 3. When compared the other worlds, the map view for this one was vastly less disturbing. I would go as far to call this tolerable. Mario moved towards 4-1, into whatever nightmarish scenario this stage had to offer.
The stage had the usual kinks of any level in this game. The sky was black, which made the white clouds vibrantly contrast. A reversed version of the ground level once again played. The wood – as it had been before – was decaying and wasting away beneath
It was regular in appearance. Nothing was outwardly off about this, which greatly surprised me. Not knowing what horrid item it contained, I bumped it in blind vain. That maybe it could help me. You can most likely infer from the intonation I made in the preceding paragraph that I was completely mistaken. What appeared next is what I dreaded. That damn whistle. It was sitting there, poop washing over it as it rose from the yellow square. It sat there almost beckoning my name. With the imposing enemies, I knew I had no other choice. I took the weapon from its place. Fruitlessly hoping for the best, readily expecting the worst.
The on-screen foes ceased all activity. Their faces returned to a neutral, bank state. Five minutes they stood in place like this not moving a muscle. I jumped around and tried to kill them, but to no avail.
One Koopa was bashing his head in on a pipe. Another Goomba jumped six or seven times his own height, turned around in the air, and sent poop flying everywhere with a great splat. Soon all of the enemies were dead. Their remains were spontaneously upchucked from the trench below. A grisly mixture of guts and poop littered the entire remainder of the level. Mario shuffled through the remains, horrified with tears streaming on his face throughout. Random deep, bassy tones played with nothing else to accompany.
Line 120 ⟶ 118:
Realistic squishy sounds were emitted every time Mario took a step in the scattered carnage. He continued to cry for the duration of the level. The whistle faded into view and followed Mario a few inches above his head, like a pestilential virus. After he cleared it, of course, the whistle went straight through his chest as Mario was headed to world 5. The game has a habit of putting me where it needs me to be, so I closed the window without saving.
Witnessing all of that death really racked my nerves. Sure it might be a game, but with the things this game has had to present to me
<h2>June 11th, 2012</h2>
Today being D-Day fits, because
I was in the middle of the cloud portion of world 5. The sky theme played, except it was drastically slow and demonic whispers were clearly audible. The whispers were almost the same as the ones I heard back in world 2. Mario was outfitted with the Tanooki suit, which naturally suited the environment. There was nothing there except two things: A brown dot, and a card game.
Line 129 ⟶ 127:
The card game icon looked similar enough to its regular game clone, except the spades rolled across a brown background instead of a blue one. Now, for whatever reason, I was allowed to choose which path to take. I chose to do the card game, hoping it would serve as some sort of reprieve from all the madness. That was not the right choice.
Toad
The blade fell with breathtaking speed. Toad was beheaded right then and there. His head did a couple of spins in the air before landing in a conveniently placed nearby basket. The initial spins flayed poop across the white room. Poop filled the basket and filled it up,
Silent lightning streaked across the licorice black sky. Gray clouds and Mario were the only other consistently visible things. As far as everything goes, silhouettes of winged demons flew and danced in the background. I tried turning into the stone structure the Tanooki suit is so famous for, but it failed. No music at played. None at all. The demons would be heard whispering in what sounded like a variety of languages.
Spanish, German, and Latin were the most prevalent ones. A primal fear of the unknown gripped me as I blindly navigated the level. Judging by the look on
I would say the most accurate way to describe this creature would be a miniature Cthulu. Its claws plucked out
It was identical in appearance to the first. It swooped down with grim, black bat wings and did its portion of damage. After it was said and done, the thing had torn
Those were his last spoken words on world 5 before a gaggle of
<h2>June 12th, 2012</h2>
World 6 appeared. Ice was everywhere. This is the one part that correlated to the unaltered version. Nothing else did. The ice was none other than frozen, realistic poop. Crystallized pieces of brown droplets bordered the ice blocks. Poop filled in the small pockets of water that were. Of course, there was only a solitary dot on the map. Mario entered it, and I knew that whatever was to pass, it would be ten-fold of what had already happened.
Line 150 ⟶ 148:
Pure, sable white was the only thing that constituted of the backdrop. Blocks of poop ice served as a slippery ground. Mario slid along as I controlled him. He appeared happy. Overjoyed might be more accurate. Here he had nothing to deal with. Just him and the open space. Five minutes passed. Then ten. All the way through, Mario was happy as I let him run around and fly (he had regained the raccoon tail). It seemed like he had all the time in the world. The clocked ticked and ticked and all seemed right in the game. Making my way through the level, I found out it had no end. Time, oddly enough, would turn out to be the ultimate enemy.
At the twenty minute mark a tempest began to pick up. A flurry of snow and wind ensnared Mario, and he now began to curl his tail. His teeth chattered and his body shook. He soon had to sit down. Mario and I soon figured out how the game planned to snuff him out this time: with ice and time. He sat and tried to heat himself. This, needless to say, was a less than feeble attempt. Nothing but the creepy bass beats from world 5 played.
It was then that the utmost feeling of sadness had encapsulated me. I
I felt abandoned and alone. Just like Mario sitting in the middle of that ice field. I felt as if no one would save me from the torture of this game. The Poop Whistle came down and made a chunk sound as it impaled his chest, taking him to the next level of hell. I closed the emulator window like always, and ended this self-subjected torture. I WILL bring myself to play this game tomorrow, but mark my words.
<h2>June 13th, 2012</h2>
It is ironic indeed that today is June the 13th. The unlucky number, the unlucky day. I suppose today
This game has caused me sorrow on such an ineffable level that there is no other option. Life will never be the same. Mom and dad, I love you. Michael and Kelsie, you guys be good. Listen to mom and dad. They have a lot of valuable lessons to teach you. Lessons that I learned but can now never apply again. Now for what you seventy five thousand followers read this post for: the rest of the game.
Hell itself is what the game brought me to. I suppose that this was intentioned to convey world 8. No, not hell. WORSE than hell. Bodies were chained up in the background enduring a myriad of tortures. The only pain
The coughs, dying wheezes and vomiting in the background reeked of pestilence and suffering. Fires emblazoned certain people as well. The flames had an actual burning quality to them. Not like regular 8-bit fire. Flesh, eyes, and other internal organs and tissue constituted the walls and ground. If the hell
Mario stood before a possessed Princess Toadstool. Her dress was ripped in several places and splattered with poop. Her eyes gleamed brown, the flames casting an evilly maniacal allure to her appearance. Bowser and his six sons were tied to wooden poles with terrified looks on their faces. Wendy, for some reason,
Technical limitations slightly hindered the interpretation of what events passed, but it was easy enough to understand what was going on. Through his gag, Bowser pleaded with her not to harm him. She brought the knife close to him and he froze up. He was obviously paralyzed with fear. Her mouth got close to his ear and text rolled along at the bottom of the screen, conveying the text of what played out given the sound limitations. This is what enabled Mario to "speak" in the past.
"''Sh'',
His face soon contorted into one of loathing. He had come all this way to find out the very girl he wished to save had been taken over by an extra-terrestrial evil. An evil that would not only haunt Mario, but me as well. The sort of evil that
"''Hey there Mario'',
"''They got a little ''sharp'' with me so I pushed them over the EDGE! Hehehe''
I tried to move Mario but nothing happened. He stood there, afraid of what she would do. She brutally slashed open his arms, legs and abdomen. Shortly thereafter, the princess produced some salt from her billowing dress and sprinkled it all over him. He screamed again, unmoving.
"''The Princess Peach you used to know is long gone. The power of the Poop Whistle consumed that girl and made way for me. And speaking of which'',
With a mocking kiss on the cheek, she began to play Mario the perverse song of the Poop Whistle. Its notes rotted away the last reserve of good in me. He was heaved by an invisible force into the flames.
Line 187 ⟶ 185:
He cried out as they consumed him. Peach chucked the whistle, making it strike him directly in the heart. He continued to wallow in utter anguish as she walked away. As she laughed, He looked into my eyes and bore me this parting message via the text at the bottom of the screen:
"''Do not let your life be as painful as mine was. I do not hold reservations against you, as you tried your best to keep me alive. I commend you for that. Good bye, Bradley, and good luck.''" The tune of the Poop whistle continued to play as the screen panned out of
How he knew my name is Bradley continues to befuddle me. How he could have such depth, such personality. I
==Aftermath==
Line 196 ⟶ 194:
His roommate discovered him four hours after he made the last post. Bradley committed suicide using a recorder that he plunged through his trachea.
{{v|reading|Vlo4rEvFy0o}}
{{by-cpwuser|Dubiousdugong}}<br>
[[Category:Trollpasta]]▼
[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Mario]]
Line 212 ⟶ 211:
[[Category:Crappy ms paint drawings]]
[[Category:Stupid is as the main character does]]
[[Category:
{{Comments}}
▲[[Category:Trollpasta]]
|