Ritual of the Arschloch: Difference between revisions
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[[File:Xmas_elf.png|right|150px]]
Step 1: Find the most expensive item in your house and destroy it. If you hear church bells in the distance, then continue to the next step. If you
Step 2: At 6:41 PM exactly, go to any mirror and chant the words
Step 3: In the kitchen, you will greet the Elf of All Knowing Wisdom. Ask him how last nights episode of CSI Miami was, if he replies
Step 4: The Elf will ask for the Object of Anguish. The Object is in your house somewhere, but if you look at it you die. So walk around your house with your eyes shut until you think
Step 5: The Elf will direct you to your bathroom. Inside you will find the Goblin of Success. The Goblin will ask that you create a life size replica of Johnny Depp out of salt.
Step 6: Once you are finished, you will be given a piece of paper with a phone number on it. The phone number should have two eights in it. If it does not, go back to Step 1. If it does, burn the note and the Goblin should vanish. You will now be teleported to the Sahara Desert.
Step 7: Search for a large grayish-brown rock with 7 sides. It could take forever, but keep looking. Once you find the rock, lift it with seven fingers. If you lift it with more or less, you will be destined to rot in the desert. If you lift it with exactly seven, you should find the Mouse of Anguish. Ask him where the money is and he'll turn into Jesus. Jesus will then tell you that you
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