Rocko's Modern Life (Trollpasta): Difference between revisions

{{Note credit|This is a fictional joke story written by Schizima. Don't take it seriously.}}

 

 

They're all a bunch of lazy fucks. Nickelodean was originally a soft drink and ice cream soda fountain company before they abruptedly went bankrupt due to finances and were forced to make shitty cartoons for sweaty teens to eat Mcmuffins to while playing the most recent marble light bright fun-trap mouse shit games.

I loved Rocko though. Sitting in my cubicle drawing the "fun scrawls" pictures of my favorite things, pretending to be working because I was paid hourly. I was known as a "flasher" in the industry. It was my job to punch-up scenes and make them funnier, or more interesting. A well placed fart joke or a few extra screams of someone being punched could create a cornucopia of laughs for the "elite television audience" we can "the simple television viewing public."I'll be honest: we think you're stupid.

 

 

Now I warn you, this is disturbing. I loved that intro song. The hip new-wave synths. "Rocko's modern liiiiifee" yeah this was good, but rocko's face was melting. "Rockoooo's modern life!" I started to dance along in the office, to the fun music. "Rocko's modern liiiiife-" All of a sudden Rocko's skull burst out of his fucking face and started bleeding. Rocko struggled to force the skull back in his face while he yelled "spoooonky" and swallowed his tongue, keeling over in horror.

Down the hall, to my boss's office. My new boss. I looked at the notecard.

 

 

It was part of a conspiracy. Nick's a really messed up company. Something happened to Nick, I don't know what, but I don't like it one bit. "Gimme the tape!" The fat man yelled. What happened to my old boss, what was this.

I woke up tied to a chair.

 

 

 

Hot thermite and pieces of melted plastic exploded into my face, propelling me backwards as I was slowly poisoned by the hot gas.

 

 

"How did you like the lost episode?" He asked. What the fuck. "Lost episode?!" I stammered, pointing to my bleeding singed face and the poisonous gas, the various costumes. But this was the 90s and you couldn't just go to the police back then. "We recreated the entire Rocko's modern life here in this back studio. Woof woof I'm a heffer!" And then his pupils rolled back into his skull and he went into traditional Rocko's modern life comedy mode. This wasn't a modern life. They were writing an episode about all of this. The animators walked in. They were drawing me. "Get the fuck out!" I yelled. Ed bighead tased me again. As I passed out, they force fed me a muffin.

Various washed up 90s nickelodeon stars crowded around my bed. Marc Summers smiled at me. "It wasn't a dream you little bitch." Harsh. Rocko was there too. "We really fucking hate you, you piece of shit." Jeez. "I don't like you either!" Mouthed the dog. "I think you're also a douchebag." My boss, heifferman said. "All around, you're a pretty terrible guy." The turtleman patted me on the arm.

 

 

The doctor pulled a gun on me. "Just give me your organs, and nobody gets hurt." Indeed, Nickelodean was harvesting my organs to implant into various cartoon mascots and Marc Summers. "I call his liver!" yelled the voice of rocko, Carlos Alazraqui. They dove in with forks and knives, slowly peeling me like a ripe summer cantaloupe. They had me hooked up to an IV, so I managed to survive despite being rendered down to little more than a Nickelodean skeleton. "It's a nickelodeon skeleton!" yelled another Nickelodean skeletons. Various skeletons crowded the hospital, more skeletons than I had ever seen before, I tried to leave but there were too many skeletons. I knew this wasn't a Halloween episode. They all began to dance and party, having a skeleton party, but I wasn't feeling in the groove. "Knock on wood!" Laughed a skeleton, but that wasn't right, not a skeleton pun. One drank a beer and it went straight through him! I collapsed on the floor into a pile of bones, and I know you won't believe me, but I swear to god They melted my bone marrow into plastic and that is the VHS tape that you are listening to me write about you watching now.