Schoolhouse Rock is a Lie: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "{{Note credit|This is a fictional joke story written by GregoryHorsegospel. Don't take it seriously.}} I recently had to do a presentation for my college civics class but I, not being one for academia and generally a D-grade student decided instead to purchase an old VHS of “Schoolhouse Rock” to perform independent research in preparation for the course. Schoolhouse Rock was a fun program that we used to watch when we wanted to gain edutainment in a fun, rock settin...") |
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{{Note credit|This is a fictional joke story written by GregoryHorsegospel. Don't take it seriously.}}
I recently had to do a presentation for my college civics class but I, not being one for academia and generally a D-grade student decided instead to purchase an old VHS of
I needed to get an
I mean it starts as normal. The animation was very wavy, even a little grainy. I mean the animation was never good, but here it looked like the artists may have been drinking or had personal problems.
The little boy gets wide eyed and yells
Said those twin towers
So they brainstormed about how
The American public loves a conspiracy!
So
While the American public eats fritos and onion rings!
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And by the way- did I forget to say? The land of the free is the U.S.A
False flag operations happen all the time, and if
So just deal with it the way most Americans do
Enjoy your Call of Duty, and outbreak of swine flu!
…What? What the fuck? NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, would put a reference to George W. Bush causing 9/11 in daytime
I was sick. I just wanted to learn about a bill. I just wanted to learn about a bill on capitol hill. All this other shit- SHIT that I was hearing had NOTHING to do with rock and roll or the legislative process whatsoever.
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The bill kept talking though. I just wanted him to shut up now.
He started to sing again, but I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. I went to shut the tape off but the bill- the bill was leering. It was leering in a very sinister way, it had me glued to the tv, almost hypnotized. I heard a little black noise in the background, and it stopped me dead in my tracks.
The camera cuts to highly rendered, artistically drawn drawings of various lizards, sea turtles, crustaceans and amphibians controlling congress. A wet and slick spot is shown as the salamander carries the podium on his mouth. This was disturbing- to be honest I was creeped out. Horrified, shocked, and a little scared.
What was this? What the fuck was this?! The bill…his clothes came off. He was now a sand dollar. And he started to sing.
In your undeveloped primate mind!
So now
We control the land and the sea,
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In your oxymoron land of the free!
You must
Enjoy slow heat death while we cool underwater!
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I might just be a sand dollar, but I know how to crack a few eggs.
And if you ever tell anyone about this,
What in
Well it was all downhill from there. I never did become a lawyer, in fact, my life spiraled out of control. I was too depressed to go to work because of the VHS, and eventually started working odd jobs until I
I am a firm but fair ruler, striking quickly and decisively when lobsters, dolphins and tuna question my leadership. I ride to work on my horse and buggy clams, demanding that the eels and starfish tip their invisible hats in due respect. Laws? There are no laws but the laws of the sand and surf! And rocks?
Join me, and we will rule this ocean kingdom together!
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