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[[File:WEEEEEE.png|thumb|LOLZ itz Dicknose!!!1!]]
 
This is my first ever Trollpasta so please don’tdon't hate on it. I know it’sit's kinda long, but it’sit's really worth the read. Thanks.
 
I was at Gamestop recently looking for a copy of Starfox 64. I asked the clerk and he said they had a copy. He went in the back to get it and came back with something strange. It was a VHS sleeve that said "Strfux 69" and had a picture of Chaz Bono flying a Star Wars styled pod racer. It made me sick. He told me it was free so naturally I took it, considering how I’mI'm a cheap fuck.
 
I got home and popped the tape into my Xbox and plugged in my favorite Gamecube usb controller. It wasn’twasn't long before I realized that it wasn’twasn't Starfox 64, or even a video game for that matter. I thought it might be gay porn so I whipped out the Jergens and the tissues just in case. With my dick fully erect and my hopes sky-high, I saw that it wasn’twasn't even gay porn. I was so mad that I sucked my own shorty. 3 seconds passed and I came. It was so shocking to me considering how it took 3 seconds. It usually takes 2. I put my dick away and pressed play.
 
A title showed up on the screen saying "Shaykspeerz Lost Plaee". I laughed very hard at it because they misspelled "lost". After the title went away, a new title came up and said "The Tragedy of Dicknose Strombolli, Prince of Sextopia".
 
I think vomited at that point, but I’mI'm not sure. This was long ago so I hardly remember. However, I memorized the entire thing so I’llI'll just type it out for you. Lolz I has good memory!
 
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">'''<span style="font-size:14.0pt">Act 1</span>'''</p>
Line 23:
Fifa: My prince, what might ye be up to?
 
Dicknose: Can’tCan't you see my tally drips of the most satisfactory juices?
 
Fifa: I see. Why is it so small?
 
Dicknose: I’llI'll have you know that it’sit's almost 3 inches!
 
Fifa: Eye, my prince. I must be off. Good eve!
Line 41:
Dicknose: Oh how I wish I could place my hands upon her hips, and force her into my royal crotch.
 
Smucks: You must’vemust've been pulling your tally to her then, right?
 
Dicknose: Nay, to my late mother.
Line 47:
Smucks: I see. Shall I leave you alone then?
 
Dicknose: Nay, it’sit's quite alright for you to stay.
 
Smucks: Shall I clean up your drippings, my prince?
 
Dicknose: I pray thee, don’tdon't. That’sThat's my dinner.
 
Smucks: Shall I scoop them into thy mouth then?
Line 61:
Smucks: My prince, if it be Fifa you seek, ask her to the Royal Ball.
 
Dicknose: It’sIt's more complex than you think. For to her, I’mI'm only a prince.
 
Smucks: Wouldn’tWouldn't she like to ride a prince?
 
Dicknose: Nay, not I. She only wallows with those filthy ghetto types.
Line 91:
Dicknose: Good morrow, Smucks.
 
Heisenberg: Enough lollygagging. Let’sLet's get to business.
 
Smucks: What do you mean, my king?
Line 107:
Dicknose: Oh, sorrow doth fill my mind. Woe is me.
 
Heisenberg: Cheer on, my son, for there’sthere's always a way out.
 
Dicknose: Father, there is truly not. Oh such pity upon my titty.
 
Smucks: Nay, my prince. Your father is right. Let’sLet's plan a heist to kill this wretched Jimbles who separates thy sword from its sheath.
 
Dicknose: Eye, good Smucks. We shall. Where doth this bloke live?
 
Heisenberg: I’llI'll check this year’syear's censes.
 
Smucks: I shall slice him with my rapier. What might be your weapons of choice?
Line 121:
Dicknose: My thrice-blessed lance.
 
Heisenberg: Fuck you guys. I’mI'm getting my glock.
 
Smucks: So we invade tomorrow night?
Line 151:
Enter Heisenberg and Smucks.
 
Dicknose: Good eve to you both! I’veI've mastered the 69, father!
 
Heisenberg: Good for you, son.
 
Smucks: Enough chatter! Let’sLet's begin our heist!
 
Dicknose: Eye! Do you have the time?
Line 163:
Smucks: It shall take us wee under an hour to get to Jimbles house from here.
 
Dicknose: We have the time. Let’sLet's go.
 
They arrive at '6:52 pm'.
Line 175:
Heisenberg: I am the one who knocks.
 
Jimbles: Well you can’tcan't come in!
 
Dicknose: It be your king, prince and a random <span style="font-weight:normal;">cuck</span>!
 
Jimbles: By my mother’smother's tits! I’mI'm coming to the door now!
 
*Door opens*
Line 201:
Dicknose: Well shit. I brought my thrice-blessed lance for nothing then!
 
Heisenberg: It’sIt's 7:00 pm now, my son. Go to Fifa and tell her Jimbles stood her up!
 
Dicknose: Then I shall ask her to go with me! She can’tcan't refuse! She already bought the tickets and there are no refunds! Good eve, bitches!
 
Exit Dicknose.
 
30 minutes later, in Fifa’sFifa's bedchambers…
 
Fifa: I should stuff my bra!
Line 219:
Messenger: Your husband, Jimbles, was murdered about 30 minutes ago! He was shot by a tall, bald and bearded man wearing a sweater!
 
Fifa: Speak no more of it! I can’tcan't stand the pain! Go thee home!
 
Exit messenger.
Line 229:
Enter Dicknose.
 
Dicknose: Fifa! You won’twon't believe it! That little twet stood you up! I guess you’reyou're gonna have to ride my dick, but life goes on!
 
*Quiet*
 
Dicknose: Fifa? Are you at home? I guess not. I just realized that I’mI'm hungry for some potato yankings. I’llI'll go look in her garden for some!
 
Fifa hanging dead.
 
Dicknose: My Fifa, why? I shaved my balls for nothing. I truly wish I could’vecould've screwed you. My heart doth skip beats and my hand doth pull my meat, since now you’reyou're gone, I have no one to tweet. I swore to myself that if I didn’tdidn't fornicate with you on a soon day, I would surely become a gay.
 
Enter Smucks.
Line 245:
Dicknose: Phooey on your prayers! Our God has abandoned the both of us.
 
Smucks: You’reYou're still going to the ball, aren’taren't you?
 
Dicknose: Of course! I have to! I shall bring her corpse as my date and we shall make love under the moonlit sky!
Line 251:
Smucks: But, she dead.
 
Dicknose: I must be off. I’mI'm late as it is. Good eve!
 
Exit Dicknose and Fifa’sFifa's corpse.
 
Smucks: I should text the king and tell him what’swhat's going on.
 
At the ball…
 
Enter Dicknose and Fifa’sFifa's corpse.
 
Dicknose: Out of the way, bitches! Check out my sick dance moves!
Line 267:
Heisenberg: Where is he?
 
Smucks: I think he’she's the one dancing with the corpse, King Dipshit.
 
Dicknose: Ah, my friends! Welcome!
 
Heisenberg: Put her down, son. She’sShe's dead! We must bury her.
 
Dicknose: Shut your mouth, fuckface! I’mI'm gonna tap her ass!
 
Smucks: NO! That is grave raping!
 
Heisenberg: He’sHe's right, son! Put her down, and no one breaks any laws.
 
Dicknose: I’llI'll do what I want!
 
Exit Dicknose and Fifa’sFifa's corpse.
 
Heisenberg: We tried to stop him.
 
Smucks: No we didn’tdidn't.
 
Heisenberg: Whatever. Let’sLet's get our fucking groove on!
 
Outside…
 
Enter Dicknose and Fifa’sFifa's corpse.
 
Dicknose: Well, hello there, beautiful. Let’sLet's get right to deez nuts!
 
Enter Fifa’sFifa's Ghost.
 
Fifa’sFifa's Ghost: Don’tDon't do it! If you do, it will take your soul into an infinite void of darkness.
 
Dicknose: Big deal. Fuck you! Oh wait, I’mI'm already gonna do that!
 
Exit Fifa’sFifa's Ghost.
 
Dicknose: Alright, where was I? Oh yeah! Off comes the dress!
 
Dicknose makes love with Fifa’sFifa's corpse.
 
Dicknose: Ah YEEEAAAAH! I came! Oh God that was good. Ouch! My dick is on fire! Help! Oh God, my chest! I need some Tums up in this bitch! NOOOOO!!!
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