Sonic Unleashed: Dead Edition: Difference between revisions

Instead, a cutscene started playing. It was like the previous ones, only something was a bit... off. I'm not really sure if it was the slightly choppier animation, the more detailed textures, or the fact that Sonic had no eyes and was laying in a big puddle of hyperrealistichyper-realistic blood, but something about it just rubbed me the wrong way. Then, I heard a noise. A terrible, horrible noise that really sends shivers down your spine and shocks your soul. It was my mother, yelling at me to take all the Mountain Dew bottles out of my room. I told her to go suck on a lime, and then she came into my room and started screaming about how "I'm 40 years old and need to get a job already" or some crap. Reluctantly, I lifted my 300 pound body off of the floor and started carrying my bottles over to the trash can, but I couldn't stop thinking about the game. I NEEDED to know what was happening and why (because I am a HUGE Sonic fan, perhaps the biggest Sonic fan in existence), so I dropped all the bottles in the living room and ran back to my room.

Something started slicing into the Perfect Dark Gaia, or more accurately, out of it. It screamed and writhed in agony as a long knife penetrated its flesh. HyperrealisticHyper-realistic blood poured out of its every orifice, and its entrails fell into the lava below. This went on for some time, so I frantically searched for the box the game came in, looking for some answer to this madness. I realized that the box art was different from the normal Sonic Unleashed box art. Sonic had no eyes; being replaced with a big, empty cavity with blood dripping down onto his face. The title was also different. Instead of "Sonic Unleashed", the box said "'''Sonic Unleashed: Dead Edition'''".

My heart sank like a lead balloon. I was a big Sonic the Hedgehog fan, and never in my 40 years of playing video games for 20 hours a day would I have ever imagined that Sonic the Hedgehog, my childhood idol, would swear. Not even in my worst, gut-wrenchingly, hideously horrible nightmares would I have ever dreamed that my one true hero would use such foul profanity. How the developers of this game thought it would be okay to use such bad words befuddles me. How could they be so morally bankrupt? Whatever the reason for this, I realized that having experienced this, life would never be the same as it once had. I realized there was no other option than to take my own life. Then, all of this will be out of my life, along with eveythingeverything else. I hope that the person who decided to have Sonic swearing in this game is rotting in the same H Double Hockey Sticks that I'm going to. Dad, I love you. Mom, now I won't be a burden anymore. Kevin from school, for the last time, FUTANARI IS NOT GAY, and stop showing everyone my DeviantArt, you piece of crap. Goodbye, everyone.

[[Category:SatireSuicide]]