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I be a total Sonic tha Hedgehog hustla much like any suckas, I wanna bust a nut on tha newer game yo, but I don't mind playin tha classics. I don't be thinkin I've eva played glitchy or jacked game before, though I don't be thinkin I wanna play any afta tha experience I had... It started on a sick summer afternoon, I was playin Soniczizzle Unleashed (I was horny bout how tha fuck you git ta explore tha towns up in it) until I noticed, outta mah peripheral vision, dat tha mailman had arrived n' put suttin' up in mah mailbox as usual n' left. I paused mah game ta go peep what tha fuck I gots up in tha mail... Da only thang up in tha Mailbox was a CD case fo' computas n' a note. I took it inside.
I looked all up in tha note first n' realized dat shiznit was from mah dear playa Kyle (Letz just call his ass that), whom I hadn't heard from up in 2 weeks. I know dat cuz I recognized his handwriting, though what tha fuck was weird is how tha fuck it looked; it looked badly freestyled n' scratchy n' somewhat hard as fuck ta read, as if Kyle was havin a hard time freestylin it down n' done did it up in a hurry.
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"Tom,
I can't take it no mo', I had ta git rid of dis thang somehow before dat shiznit was too late, n' I was hopin you'd do it fo' mah dirty ass. I can't do it,
Quit playin' n' do what tha fuck I be sayin'! Please Tom, destroy dis god-forsaken disc before his schmoooove ass comes afta you too, itz too late fo' mah dirty ass.
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Well, dat was certainly weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Even though Kyle IS mah dopest playa n' I aint peeped his ass up in 2 weeks, I didn't do what tha fuck he axed mah dirty ass. I didn't be thinkin dat a simple gamin disc would do anythang wack ta him, afta all itz just a game right, biatch? Boy, was I wack bout dis shit...
ANY way, I looked all up in tha disc n' it be lookin like any ordinary computer CD-R disc, except it had black marker on it freestyled "
I went up ta mah room n' turned on mah computer n' put tha disc up in n' installed tha game. When tha title screen popped up I noticed dat dat shiznit was tha straight-up original gangsta Sonic game, I was like "Awesome!" Because like I holla'd earlier I was horny bout tha classics. Da first thang I noticed dat was outta place was when I pressed start, there be a was a split second when I saw tha title image turned tha fuck into suttin' much different, suttin' dat I now consider horrifying, before cuttin ta black.
I remember what tha fuck tha image looked like up in dat split second before tha game cut ta black; Da sky had darkened, tha title emblem was rusted n' ruined, tha SEGA 1991 was now instead SEGA 666, n' tha gin n juice had turned red, like blood, except it looked
But tha freakiest thang dat was up in dat split second frame was Sonic, his wild lil' fuckin eyes was pitch black n' bleedin wit two glowin red dots starin RIGHT
What freaked mah crazy ass up mo' was tha character select, it flossed only Tails, Knucklez n' ta mah surprise, Dr. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Robotnik! Now I was shizzle dat suttin' was up, I mean, how tha fuck can you play as Robotnik up in a cold-ass lil funky-ass Sonic game, fo' bustin up like a biatch up loud?
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Yo, suddenly up in a split second I saw Sonics eyes open n' they was black wit dem red glowin dots, just like dat title image, thought there wasn't a smile. When dat happened tha screen turned black n' tha static sound was off.
It stayed black fo' bout 7 secondz n' then white text rocked up formin a message, saying, "
At dis point I was creeped out, I didn't wanna continue wit tha game yo, but mah curiositizzle gots tha mo' betta of me when I was taken ta a gangbangin' finger-lickin' different level wit tha level title now sayin "HIDE AND SEEK".
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Yo, suddenly I heard dat creepy laugh again... dat awful, Kefka laugh... right afta 10 secondz have passed as I helped Tails run all up in tha forest, n' then I started seein flashez of Sonic poppin everywhere on tha screen, again n' again n' again wit dem black n' red eyes.
Da noize chizzled ta dat suspenseful drownin jingle as I peep Sonic behind Tails slowly bustin up on his ass FLYING; Sonic wasn't hustlin, da thug was straight-up FLYING! Da flyin pose his sprite was makin looked straight-up similar ta Metal Sonics flyin pose up in Sonic CD, except dat shiznit was just
Yo, suddenly when Tails tripped (another cut scene) tha noize stopped n' Sonic vanished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Tails laid there n' started bustin up like a biatch fo' 15 seconds. Da scene was rather upsettin ta peep n' I kind of teared up mah dirty ass. But then Sonic rocked up right up in front of Tails n' Tails looked up in horror.
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Just up in a split second Sonic lunged at Tails right before tha screen went black, there was a funky-ass bangin screechin noise dat only lasted 5 seconds. Da text returned only dis time it holla'd "Yo ass is too slow, wanna try again?" n' then dat god-wack laugh came wit dat shit.
I was so shocked by what tha fuck had happened...did
I shook tha shock off as I was brought back ta tha character select, tha save file dat had Tails was different; Tails was no longer up in tha box itself but up in tha TV screen itself, which was flickerin wit dat red static, Tails' expression scared me, his wild lil' fuckin eyes was black n' bleeding, his orange fur had gone black n' dat schmoooove muthafucka had a expression of anguish on his wild lil' face, Tryin ta ignore it I picked Knucklez next.
Da laugh came again n' again n' again n' tha screen cut ta black again n' again n' again n' stayed there fo' another 10 seconds, dis time tha level holla'd "
I was straight-up freaked up by now, I couldn't straight-up tell if dis was a glitch, or a hack, or some kind of sick twisted joke... or anythang straight-up. But despite mah fear of what tha fuck happened next, I kept playing.
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Then afta all dem secondz of hustlin I notice nuff muthafuckin bloodstains on tha metallic ground, I felt a growin sense of fear again n' again n' again thankin suttin' wack is goin ta happen ta Knucklez yo. Dude looked nauseated struttin down dis blood-stained road yo, but I still kept his ass going.
Yo, suddenly as Knucklez ran,
Anyway red static came again n' again n' again n' then I was back ta tha level, Knucklez looked like da thug was panicking, n' Sonic was nowhere ta be found. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And dis time dat high-pitched squealin from tha Silent Hill 1z final boss was playing.
Was dis some kind of boss battle wit
Yo, suddenly
Another cut scene played as Knuckled fell tha fuck ta his knees n' clutched his head sobbing, I felt his thugged-out agony,
And then up in a split second
Another text message rocked up, "So nuff souls ta
What tha hell... Just what tha fuck is goin on, biatch? I started ta be thinkin Sonic was straight-up tryin ta rap ta me all up in tha game... But I was too scared ta be thinkin dis shit.
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Yo, so I shut off tha game n' took a funky-ass break. I took a nap, wish I hadn't, 'cause I then fuckin started ta have da most thugged-out disturbin nightmare, I was up in pitch black darkness, though I was under tha light given off by a lamp dat hung high above mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I could hear tha criez of Knucklez n' Tails nearby. They was sayin shiznit like, "Help us..." n' "Why did you give our asses ta him?" n' "Run away, before he gets you like a muthafucka..."
Their cries took a dirt nap up as I then heard
"Yo ass be a shitload funk ta fuck wit kid, just like yo' playa Kyle, though da ruffneck didn't last long..."
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When he grabbed mah crazy ass n' I saw his bleedin black n' red-eyed, grinnin face, I raised up wit a gangbangin' fright.
After a cold-ass lil couple minutes I decided ta continue playin tha game. I
I still thought dat was wacky, playin as Robotnik yo, but anyway tha level title rocked up again n' again n' again n' dis time it holla'd "...", which I found straight-up freaky.
This time I was up in some kind of hallway, didn't straight-up be lookin like dat shiznit was from any of tha funky-ass Sonic games, though it has tha pixelated style; tha floor was shiny n' checkered, tha walls was a thugged-out dark greyish purple wit animated
Robotnik didn't look entirely straight-up trippin like Tails n' Knucklez did yo, but da ruffneck did gotz a suspicious look on his wild lil' grill as if da thug was just a lil' bit paranoid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude did a lil animation when I just left his ass standing, tha pimpin' muthafucka turns his head ta tha left n' then ta tha right at least twice n' then shrugs at me, as if dat schmoooove muthafucka has no clue where da thug was or what tha fuck was goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Even though I was scared outta mah mind bout what tha fuck was goin ta happen, I had Robotnik continue onward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude did his usual hustlin animation (Yo ass know, when you've beaten his ass all up in tha end of a cold-ass lil funky-ass Sonic game n' you chase him) as we continued goin all up in tha hallway.
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When Robotnik landed onto tha 3rd hallway, I noticed he now looked straight-up creeped out, though tha pimpin' muthafucka tried ta hide it, I couldn't blame him, I was scared like a muthafucka.
Yo, suddenly,
Da image flossed a hyper-realistic of
His face...oh god, dat schmoooove muthafucka had da most thugged-out horrifyin smile I had eva seen.
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And thatz sayin suttin' thankin bout I saw dat image all up in tha start of tha game.
His eyes is wide n' black n' once again n' again n' again bustin up like a biatch blood (Which also looked
I stared at dat gruesome image fo' a phat 30 seconds, never takin mah eyes off it, I felt as if da thug was straight-up lookin at me, smilin all up in mah face...that face, it just took 10 secondz fo' it ta etch itself tha fuck into mah dome fo' good.
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It went back ta tha image again n' again n' again except dis time there was tha text again n' again n' again though dat shiznit was messed up yo, but dat shiznit was pretty much one of da most thugged-out horrifyin thangs I looked at since I had dis game...
"I AM
Dat shiznit was when I read dat message while lookin at Sonic when it hit me, I realized right there n' then.
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This Sonic was a monster, a pure evil, sadistic, all-powerful, nightmarish, demented monster... n' all of his suckas, includin Tails, Knuckles, Robotnik n' possibly Kyle, is just his fuckin lil toys, n' tha game is tha straight-up gateway tha fuck into his chaotic, nightmarish ghetto n' tha straight-up Hell his suckas is trapped in.
Yo, suddenly up in a actual split second I screamed as
Then it stopped n' flossed not a god damn thang but black screen.
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"Ready fo' Round 2, Tom?"
Da Kefka laugh, now soundin mo' clear as if
Then I gots booted back ta tha main menu n' dis time tha third save file had a TV image of Robotnik up in tha same, tormented state as Tails n' Knuckles; Robotnikz skin turned a thugged-out dull grey, his crazy-ass mustache drooped n' had blackened, his wild lil' freakadelic glasses broke n' blood is comin from dem n' dat schmoooove muthafucka had a mere dead like expression on his wild lil' face.
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I sat there fo' maybe 25 seconds, horrified by what tha fuck had just happened...
Yo,
I can't git tha game outta mah computer n' shit. I be thinkin itz stuck up in there yo, but at least I managed ta turn it back on now, nahmeean?
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Yo, chillin on mah bed... starin right all up in mah face...
...
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[[Category:Ghetto Talk]]
[[Category:Sonic]]
[[Category:File Extensions]]
[[Category:WHAT A TWIST!]]
[[Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS]]
[[Category:Hyper-realistic]]
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