My Dark and Fucked Reality Thanks to a Sonic Cartridge: Difference between revisions
My Dark and Fucked Reality Thanks to a Sonic Cartridge (view source)
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== I - The Encounter ==
One day, I was bored and lonely, as usual. It was eerily quiet around here. Almost dead silence. I decided to step out of the house and go exploring or something. I got dressed and taped my penis down, because I just can never seem to contain my raging 10 inch erection anymore, and stepped out the door. It was a beautiful sunny day, and it's peaceful and quiet, with nothing but the sound of birds chirping. As I continued on my walk, I began to hear some commotion further down the street- a yard sale! Now, I've had my fair share of bad experiences with yard sales and flea
I finally approached the yard sale. It was run by this balding millennial looking guy, and there were a few people looking around. I shifted my eyes around looking for a potential buy, until I spotted a Sega Genesis game cartridge. I walked towards it and what do you know? It's a copy of "Not For Resale", featuring Sonic the Hedgehog! And this time, nothing about the cartridge looked
I ran back home all giddy and hard. My penis flapped around as I ran and the sensation was almost enough to make me ejaculate in my pants. Luckily, I am a super mega sex expert, and I really know a lot about edging, so I managed to contain it. As I stepped in the door, I realized that I didn't even have a Sega Genesis. So, I closed my eyes real tight. I imagined a nice sexy model 1 Sega Genesis in my head and tried my hardest to will it into existence. After some time, I felt something growing rapidly in my belly. Then, I felt it slowly stretching out my esophagus as it crawled through. Eventually, it makes its way into my mouth, and I vomit it out of my body. Lo and behold, it was a Sega Genesis, first model, albeit covered in blood and stomach acid. I wiped it clean and took a nice look at it. Dear lord, it was beautiful. Extension port and a discrete
I plugged the console in, put the cartridge in, and powered it on.
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== II - The Game? (you lost) ==
I was greeted with the Sega logo, but the chant didn't
The title screen showed up. Sonic wasn't there though. Instead, it
Out of curiosity, I continued to play the game. I encountered more strange things, like randomly placed spikes, and also George W. Bush?? I also learned that this was possibly some sort of abstract advertisement for something called GameTap, because when I beat the stage, it told me to go to the website. I tried to go on that website, but it appears that it's gone? How mysterious. Anyways, I played further, and I got to the boss. It was the guy from fucking Nickelback, and one of their fucking horrible songs started playing. I cried. I hated it. Nickelback makes me want to shove a screwdriver down my urethra while shoving a jar up my ass. I beat the shit out of that guy.
The next stage started, and for some reason, I wasn't in Marble Zone. Instead, it just said "FUCK YOU". That was so mean. I cried again. I screamed at the television to give me an apology. Nothing happened. I kept playing and I realized that the stage was just Marble Zone
But none of that compares to what happened next.
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== III - An Awakening ==
An image of Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies appeared on the screen. A clip of Tinky Winky's voice started speaking to me. "Hey, boy, that's quite the erection you have
"My
Tinky Winky grabbed some chains and tied me to my wall. Dear God, I was on Cloud Nine. I couldn't believe I was living my fantasy. I didn't expect to be doing it with a Teletubby that came out of my television from a game cartridge I found at a yard sale, but there I
He stepped back and then pulled out a scalpel from his asshole. I didn't realize that Teletubbies carried stuff up their anus, but it is what it is, I suppose. He took his scalpel and poked it through my belly. He dragged it around, spelling the word "BAD" on my belly. It hurt so good. I felt my blood slowly dripping out of me. Tinky Winky then began to suck some blood out of me. My erection became so hard that it poked Tinky Winky in the face. "Oh, you're being quite rude, my
Tinky Winky buried his face in the wound between my legs. He licked what remained for a good 14.548573498579483579487597834 seconds. What he did after was just appalling.
== IV -
Tinky Winky then started to jam his hands into my wound. He started carving a hole from inside of me. This wasn't fun anymore. This was complete and utter torture. I wanted it to end, but I was completely powerless. Tinky Winky then grabbed the penis that he stole from me. With his scalpel, he cut a hole between his legs, and stitched the penis onto him. Tinky Winky then grabbed a packet of Pop Rocks. He opened the package and grabbed some rocks. He started laying them around in the carved hole he put inside of me. Dear Lord, it hurt like Hell. The sensation was constant, yet absolutely indescribable.
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Tinky Winky pulled out and then slowly kissed me and finally unchained me. He then dragged me back upstairs. "I hope that was serviceable! I must return back to where I came from! Buh-bye!" He then went back inside the television, and then the power went out. I quickly reached for my cell phone and dialed 9-1-1. All I recall is that I screamed bloody murder into the phone, and soon enough, I was in an ambulance. I blacked out.
After a while, I woke up in the hospital, unsurprisingly with no visitors. The doctor gave me a concerned look. "Sir, I don't know how to tell you
I had given
and
The physical pain had lessened after that, but I couldn't even begin to tell you the mental scarring that took place. I still can't comprehend what the fuck happened. I was effectively violated by a Teletubby that came out of my television, somehow impregnated me with a mixture of FUCKING POP ROCKS, and I gave birth to a baby made out of Pop Rocks that only lived a short time before taking its last breath in my arms.
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This is also effectively a warning. DO. NOT. RANDOMLY. TRUST. YARD. SALES. IF YOU BUY A GAME FROM ONE, THEN IT'S POSSIBLE THAT IT'S HACKED AND YOU'LL END UP GETTING DAMAGED BEYOND HUMAN COMPREHENSION LIKE I WAS.
With
Goodbye.
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