Subnautica, SUPER DELUXE: Difference between revisions

So anwyays, let me tell you (presumably the reader) about it. I was at my local CEX (Uk version of gamestop I think) and I saw a Subnautica box for the PS4. I went over and picked it up. The art on the box was different and it was called: "Subnautica super deluxe". flipping it over, I saw the protagonist, Riley, with hyper realistic bloody eyes, seemingly staring at me. I jumped back and almost shit myself. "holy fudge, what a jumpscare!" I exclaimed. "watch your language, young man!" the very tall and smokin' hot female cashier said to me. "yes mam..." I said. I took the game over to her and wondered if I should go full alpha mode on her, but decided that was for little cringey bitchboys and I'd just pay for the damn game instead. as I slam-dunked it onto the counter, the lady suddenly pulled out a flashlight and shone it under her chin. "are you sure you want this one?" she said in a very poorly-done spooky tone. "the man who sold this to us was a big demonic-looking fellow with hyper-realistic eyes, presumably because he was real". "what the actual flip are you yapping about?" I said, trying not to blush. "and what's with the torch?". "oh never mind" she said, turning it off (and me on). "I'll sell it to you for £2". "yes queen" I thought as I handed her the tenner in my wallet, letting her keep the change because I am an absolute stud (BUT NOT A SIMP YOU DUMBASSES!!!). On the way home, I stopped at Macdonalds for a Big mac which tasted like absolute swamp-ass.

 

When I booted the game up I suddenly needed a piss which was strange as I'd gone 234 hours without drinking for a dare (but that's another story). As I violated the toilet bowl with my personal laser, I could hear the strangest sounds coming from my bedroom, which I can only describe as sounding like two badgers mating after eating taco bell. When I finished and went back to my room, the noises had stopped and the title screen had popped up. on the title screen there was a reaper leviathan making out with a sea-treader and a furry on the lower right hand corner of the screen, who quickly disappeared. I was confused by all this and thought I'd bought the sex version of Subnautica by mistake.