The Guy That Had A Lot Of Scary Stuff Happen To Him: 20-Page Epic: Difference between revisions

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">The doorknob was red hot. “Yo"Yo dawg wassup wit me bein so hot dawg?” Said the aluminum rap. Like any sane man, NNNNN ripped the door open. Instantly, NNNNN’s lungs were filled with thick smoke. NNNNN became so weak from the thick nasty smog filling up his lungs to the brim that he fell to his knees, gasping for air. Eventually, somehow he made it to the bathroom door. He opened up the door and ran inside, and closed the door so fast that the doorknob was squished into a donut shape. Luckily, NNNNN had installed a second door leading into his kitchen, so he could still escape. But first NNNNN stuck his fingers down his throat and all of the smoke came out of his lungs and through his mouth. Then NNNNN walked up to the battleship gray door of his, and walked through into his kitchen.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">NNNNN’s kitchen seemed to be unharmed. Well, for the most part. The sink, cupboard, other cupboard, other other cupboard, shelf, dinner table, window, oven, and both chairs were gone. But at least he had his oven door, which was NNNNN’s pride and joy. It was white as a politician wearing a polar bear fur coat and drinking an entire tub of milk, and the shiny oven window never seemed to get any dirt on it. NNNNN walked over to examine his oven door to make sure it wasn’t damaged, and he heard what sounded like a sadistic giggling from a high pitched crackly voice. Instinctively, NNNNN walked out in front of the fridge with his back to it, and said “You"You aren’t taking any of my beef jerky!” Then suddenly he heard crackling flames behind him, and that’s when NNNNN realized that his house was on fire.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">NNNNN felt like he was stuck in a nasty slush puppy as he pulled himself out of the red-cold mud. “Hey"Hey wait a minute. There’s no mud in my crappy hometown!” As NNNNN brushed off the mud with his beret, he surveyed the land and concluded that he was no longer in <strike>Kansas</strike> his crappy hometown. The area where he was in now was the inside of a massive valley bigger than the Grand Canyon. The rocks were reddish-orange and outside of the valley he could see there were impossibly large mountains. It wrecked his brain just to look at them.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">NNNNN was in bad shape, too. Since now his house had fully burnt down, NNNNN was homeless, hopeless, hungry, and worst of all, naked. Luckily he had taken some jerky with him, so he could solve the hungry part. He pulled out a strip of jerky and nibbled a bit of it when suddenly he realized it was starting to go bad. NNNNN threw away the piece of stale jerky and it landed onto a grave. “Oh"Oh hey, it’s a grave!” said NNNNN. The grave was REALLY spooky. It had on the tombstone “BoOoOoOOooOoOoooooO"BoOoOoOOooOoOoooooO!!!!!” NNNNN toppled over from fright and landed in the grave. There was a REALLY spooky ghost inside the grave! It was a really spooky color of white and had really spooky eyes and a really spooky ghost butt. The ghost picked up the piece of jerky and ate it. “Hmm"Hmm, this is good.” said the ghost, before politely picking up NNNNN, placing him outside the grave, and piling the dirt back onto him. NNNNN couldn’t control his fear of the REALLY spooky ghost and screamed at the top of his lungs and rocketed out of the cliff because this story couldn’t progress unless something really dumb like that happened.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">NNNNN woke up to the sight of a large bazooka with a note attached to it. The note was written sloppily in Comic Sans, and read: “Just"Just do what comes to mind.” NNNNN slammed the bazooka against the ground until it broke. NNNNN heard a voice from behind a water buffalo, and it kinda sounded like Mick Jagger on helium. It said “No"No you moron, this was supposed to be an action story!”</p>

<p class="western" style="margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">NNNNN leaped out and grabbed the haybale. He sprinted over to the pile of goodies like a berserker, and grabbed the over door. Suddenly, just as NNNNN was running out of the pile of goodies, he suddenly heard a voice say “Hurrhurr”"Hurrhurr”. NNNNN ducked down behind a section of burnt wall, but it was too late. Whatever made that voice had seen him. It slowly limped over to him, hissing loudly and threateningly, and NNNNN was curled up in a ball, praying that it suddenly stops. When the thing peeked it’s head over the wall, NNNNN’s survival instinct kicked in. He grabbed a rock and began to smash the hissing thing’s face. When it fell over, NNNNN finally saw what it was.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">It was a guy. But not just any other guy, it was The Guy Who Likes To Hiss, wearing a garland made out of snakes, rainbow colored pants, and some weird thing he found in his drainage ditch! NNNNN looked like a dangerous idiot, so he quickly backed away, realizing what he had done. The Guy Who Likes To Hiss got up. He said “STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP"STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP!” NNNNN replied “Hello"Hello my name is NNNNN, allow you to play the song of my people.” NNNNN pulled out an alarm clock and a large baseball bat from nowhere. “I"I like to call this “Nightcore”"Nightcore”.” The Guy Who Likes To Hiss quickly changed the topic by saying “Wait"Wait a minute. You’re the guy who is destined to have a lot of scary stuff happen to him! Well, my name is The Guy Who Likes To Hiss, but you can call me The Guy.” The super bazooka, which NNNNN had forgotten all about, floated up behind him, and talked in it’s high pitched voice as usual. “Yes"Yes, and I brought him here. That was totally my plan the whole time.” NNNNN was taken aback by this news, so aback that he fell onto the ground. After a few awkward seconds, NNNNN responded “So"So, uhh... why am I here?”</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">“Why"Why are you here? Well, that’s a deep philosophical question. You see...” NNNNN pulled up his oven door, which deflected the boring philosophical talk back onto The Guy. He instantly fell asleep. NNNNN turned angrily to the super bazooka. “What"What was he trying to say?” The super bazooka gestured to NNNNN to follow him into one of the huts, and to bring the statue too. NNNNN did so, and when he entered the hut he found that it was nothing like what it looked like.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">All of the walls were made out of testosterone. On them hung multiple cases carrying various weapons. In the middle of it was a table with a slip of paper on it. Larry the super bazooka walked over to it. “Okay"Okay everyone, here comes some excessive exposition, so everyone skip this next paragraph.”</p>

<p class="western" style="margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">“We’re"We’re actually on Mars right now, and you gotta help us go find the best mustache in the [[File:UNtiteldeddddj.png|thumb|left|The map.]]world because we said so. Here’s how you get to it.” Larry showed him the map. “Also"Also, the statue is of some kind of god worshipped by the bad guys called “Da"Da Uglee Gai”, so watch out for him.” “Okay"Okay, I get it.” said NNNNN. “Now"Now where do we go?”</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">“But"But guys, how are we gonna get into the pyramid if it’s floating in the sky?” said NNNNN, understandably worried. “Don’t"Don’t worry, this jeep runs on propane. I made sure to put in the exact right amount.” said The Guy. He blinked stupidly at the jeep, and it spontaniously exploded, launching the trio into the air so hard that they went through a time warp. They landed in the prehistoric times, but were still generating so much speed that they crashed into a large flying bug and then back into the present time. Thus changing history so that now the temple was on the ground.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">When NNNNN woke up, he was stuck in a cell. It was stuck over a tank containing whatever because you know no matter how dangerous it is you know it won’t actually kill the protagonist. Watching them was the man who ran the Red Robe Cult, Chak Droeger himself! Sitting next to him was the ghost that brought him in. Chak Droeger said to NNNNN, “Haha"Haha! Now we’ve got you! And we’re gonna do irrational and unbelievable stuff to you because we’re the designated bad guys!” NNNNN broke through the wooden bars of his cell because I’m a horrible writer who can’t think of any other way for the plot to progress other than something like that.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">Now that NNNNN lived inside the ghost, they shared memories. It contained a lot of character development you don’t care about. And the ghost said “Okay"Okay, that part with your vacation in Japan doesn’t even make any sense. Now keep your voice down, there could be anything lurking down here.” “Uhh"Uhh, ghost guy dude man person comrade thing character mang boy, where are we going?” The ghost said nothing more.</p>

<p class="western" style="text-indent:1.27cm;margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">NNNNN had to stop them. But, the ghost still thought nothing of this new revelation. NNNNN spoke. “Hey"Hey, come back here a moment. I need to show you something!”</p>

<p class="western" style="margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:150%">Hoomere Smaspon, the god of the Blue Robe Gang, stretched his hand down. “NNNNN"NNNNN, you have made a great victory today.” Hoomere placed a ghost down, the same ghost that trapped NNNNN and sent him flying up the canyon. “This"This is the ghost of your friend, The Guy, because time travel. <span style="line-height:150%;">Now come with me and you shall have [[File:Ooooooooo.png|thumb|left|Hoomere's stupid dumb hand it SUCKS I HATE IT IT'S NOT COOL AAAAAAAAARGH]]salvation.” NNNNN said “Uhhhhhh"Uhhhhhh, no.” Hoomere Smaspon's hand began to grow red. He got angry. NNNNN scrambled for anything to help him out. He discovered the- Ohhhhh! He got squished. Hoomere Smaspon grabbed his squished, crumpled, body and carried it with him. And the townsfolk truly knew now that the most important mustaches were right under their noses.</span></p>