The LambSauce Wars: BeastMode: Difference between revisions
m
Text replacement - "’" to "'"
m (Text replacement - "”" to """) |
m (Text replacement - "’" to "'") |
||
Line 6:
I woke up screaming again
Only this time I
I snickered "they sure as shit bled like us." I have really turned numb recently. And not just from being edgy, like legit, PTSD numb. When I rescued Gordon all those years ago, I
"NO NO NO NO NOOOOO" Gordon screamed. "I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL TURN YOU INTO FUCKING SHITE." The monks scrambled around the temple grabbing ingredients while wearing blue and red uniforms. Gordon knew the purity of the previous batch of sacred sauce would be near impossible to match, but he was sure as shit gonna try. He watched as the monks ran about mixing. Until finally...a group of monks walked up to him with sauce. They got on their knees, bowed their heads, and raised the sauce up for Gordon to judge. Gordon slowly took the sauce from the head monks hands. Dipped his fingers in it, and shoved his finger right up his asshole. He tasted the sauce with his prostate, and was pleased.'''<br>
'''
"It
"Here, take this to the chamber, and fucking lock it this time." the monks did as they were told and scurried on. Gordon sat in the main chamber and looked out the window to the storm gathering in the distance. The air had a certain electricity, Gordon could feel it….something was wrong.
Line 27:
"Screw it, this is something I need to do in person" I thought to myself as I put on my My Little Pony limited Edition tactical backpack and mounted up on my new 53XY motorcycle. I lit a cigar and looked forward in the D4NK357 way I could. I kicked it into gear and did a 369 donut and left for the temple to meet with Gordon.
Gordon knew something was wrong. He called all the monks to the main chamber. It
"hello….L.A. Beast here. Today, I am gonna rek your shit, and take your LambSauce." The beast then produced a bottle of Crystal Pepsi and chugged that shit like a baws. '''<br>
'''
"WHY
"...no" The beast remarked, and unleashed a massive flow of crystal pepsi vomit from his mouth. Gordon narrowly dodged the vomit, but the monks
'''
"Gordon, I like you, I think
'''
Line 47:
"CUMMY CUMMY YUUUUUM" Gordon screamed as a massive blast of ethereal sauce launched straight at the LA Beast.
"Amateur" Beast remarked and caught the blast in his hand..his bare fucking hand. And launched it right back at Gordon.
'''
"Weakling" Beast remarked to the empty temple. But he
"Thanks for watching me assfuck your master. Have a good day…..in hell" and decapitated Raiden in a single punch. Watching in satisfaction as Raiden head flew out the temple in a bloody arch.
Line 57:
'''
"I
"THE FUCK DO YOU WANT
'''
Line 68:
"Good. He may not have been a threat, but he would go to the grave with Gordon. Sounds like he did just that. Since I told you where he was, I get half of the sauce."
LA Beast laughed "YOU GET AN EIGHTH, LIKE WHAT WE AGREED TO.
'''
Line 80:
'''<br>
"Rise, son of the sauce. Your service
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FUCKING FAGGOT." he screamed before realizing where he was.'''<br>
'''
"Oh shit….
"What?" I said'''<br>
Line 95:
"I assumed it was another sex torture basement."
"No you brainlet….
"I thought hell was supposed to hurt."
"Guess
"Wait, wheres Keem?" I asked'''<br>
'''
Gordon turned back around. "
We continued on our journey through hell.
Line 115:
Part 4
"Gordon.
"Now that you bring it up, Raiden,
'''
Line 123:
'''
I
'''
Line 129:
'''
"Wow you got rekt fgt. But tell you what, if we somehow get out of hell.
"..if?" I asked'''<br>
'''
"Yeah, if…..Raiden, hell is nothing like Earth.
"From what the scriptures said. Hell is a bit like
'''
Gordon looked down to his sauce necklace only to see that the scepter was broken, and all the sauce had leaked out. He sighed, but steeled himself.
"
'''
We finally reached the end of the "waiting room." I
'''
Lol,
Plus,
'''
Line 163:
"From the other timeline, the ones that ate literally nothing but soy."
The look of realization filled
Gordon laughed and grabbed me by muh dik. '''<br>
'''
"
Part 5
Line 174:
Keem was busy testing out new recipes for his restaurant when in a flash of lightning the Beast appeared in his kitchen.
"HOLY FUCK SHIT. FUCK OFF BEAST,
'''
"
Keem snarled, but knew he was in no room to negotiate.'''<br>
Line 185:
'''
LA Beast raised his hand palm up, and in a small bolt of lightning the bottle was resting in his hand. He could tell that Keem was desperate for the sauce. But just as he started pouring
"Hey beast" Keem said.
Line 192:
'''
"Eat shit" Keem yelled and sent the spell hurdling at Beast, only it
'''
"Serves you right, dumbass. How about you actually study a spell next time you try to betray someone like that. Not like
Beast disappeared in a bolt of lightning as Keem laid on the floor, barely breathing.
Line 204:
Gordon used a spell to stop us before we hit the ground. Well, stop HIM. I hit the ground dick first and felt something bust, but now was not the time for tears. For what was in front of us was truly sickening. Millions of soy ridden degenerates trying their hardest to get at a single bag of soy hanging from a rope just out of reach. There were tearing eachother bit by bit just for a chance to get the soy, but alas, nobody ever reached the substance. And either fell into the bloody moshpit, or had their body torn to bits by the ravenous faggots who crave the miniscule amount of soy in the blood of every hipster douche.
"Yep,
"It would be good to have a guide for us. But I must ask, why are so bent on trying to find her?"
Line 210:
I looked gordon right in those baby blues
"Because I need some fucking pussy. I
Gordon looked at me like I was a retarded child'''<br>
'''
"well, quit wearing a fedora and trench coat with sweatpants for one. Another is to quit referring to it as "pusspuss". And a third one is
"At this point
"Whatever, but
With that Gordon summoned up a spell. A blue aura illuminated his fist as he jumped in the air and punched the ground. The ground rumbled as the blue aura left his hand and made its way into the crowd.
"There. Follow that blue line. It will lead you straight to her. But
"Got it." I said and followed the line into the moshpit.
Line 233:
Part 7
Even with their bodies destroyed with the cancer that is soy and having a muscle mass equivalent to that of a 10 year old african girl they still were surprisingly efficient in killing one another. Most of them used their arms and legs, but a few got smart and used their teeth, rocks, and weapons fashioned from the bones of other soyboys. A few had formed alliances, these teams were the most successful in killing their opponents, but it was mostly a huge free for all. The most dependent on soy had turned to cannibalism and drinking the blood of dead hipsters in an effort to satisfy the insatiable hunger. The blue line Gordon had made for me was next to impossible to see with the blood that covered the ground. Finally after what felt like eternity I made it through the massive melee. I was covered in scratches, bitemarks, and blood that
'''
"Hey you in here? I swear
'''
Line 243:
"AAAAAAH WHAT THE FUCK YOU GODDAMN BACKWARDS HIPSTER CUNT YOU GOT ME RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN FUCKING EYE!!!"
The girl stuck her head out of the cave entrance. "Do...do I know you? I feel like
The girl then pulled out some piece of shit camera from the fucking wild west days and took a close up of my destroyed eye. "Nice" she said and stowed the picture away.
Line 253:
I grabbed her by the arm and drug her through the sea of ravenous hipsters. We were directly above the powdered soy when I felt her get the jitters. I looked behind me to see her staring directly at the soy, a small bit a saliva dripping from her mouth. I gave her a hard tug and drug her back to Gordon, who was sitting on a rock watching the bloodshed.
"Took you long enough. Holy shit your eye is fucking gross. Normally
'''
Line 260:
Gordon then turned his attention towards the girl
"Now you. I must say, you look a whole lot better than the last time I saw you. Having teeth will do that to a person. First of all,
"Max….my name is Max and
I looked to Gordon "My lucky number." I said triumphantly
Line 276:
"Is she here as well?" Gordon asked
"No...
"Damn…that's rough." I said
"That it is, but it sounds like we
'''
Max shivered "the bottom layer is for the worst of the worst, why go through all that when you can stay up here in relative comfort as far as Hell is concerned?"
"Because...
"Will you do it?" I asked
Line 291:
Max appeared to ponder the question then spoke: "I guess….anything to get out of this place."
"Lead the way" Gordon said and we made our way through the massive brawl. Until finally we reached the gate to the second layer. I had no telling what was in store for us, but I got a feeling Max had a pretty good idea. Her whole body seemed to shake. I took her by the hand and her shaking seemed to go down just a bit. She held my hand in an iron grip. Little did she know I was using my other hand to jerk off since it was the first time I had touched a qt3.14 that was alive. You really think
'''<br>
Line 313:
"What is it?" Gordon asked
"
'''
Line 322:
"But what? BUT WHAT!" Gordon asked impatiently
"
I perked up "OH I GET IT. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU GET SOMETHING BUT IT COSTS YOUR SOUL"'''<br>
'''
"Pretty much…" Max said "The only problem is that you are sent to painful hell,
Gordon stood there weighing the pros and cons of each. '''<br>
Line 342:
'''
In no time at all we were in a circular room. Unlike
'''
Line 356:
'''
"
"I understand" Gordon said "but this is really different."
Line 363:
'''
"I
It pointed to Max first "You are a hipster bitch, that alone is reason enough for you to be in real hell, but you died in such brutal fashion that we decided to give you a break and put you in this hell. Hell-lite if you will. Your soul already belongs to this place, I have no use in bartering you.
Line 373:
It pointed to Gordon last
"But you…..you are one of the most powerful saucerers
Gordon steeled his heart and spoke to the being "Us three are sent back to Earth and you give me the power needed to defeat the Beast."
Line 381:
"Well, then my soul stays with me" Gordon said
"WAIT WAIT….
"What?" I asked her
"
"
"Is it? I was alive for only 18 years, but suffered enough to fill 3 lifetimes. Why would I wanna go through any of that again?"
Line 394:
'''
The mist spoke up again "The girl...if you truly want to see your friend again, then I can send the girl to her
"
"Before the girl choses, I must warn you that you absolutely CANNOT change your mind. Once
"Beats hiding in a crevice in the side of the wall" Max said and managed a slight chuckle.'''<br>
Line 405:
"I highly doubt that" the mist said and enveloped Max. She yelped and rolled up her sleeve. Her arm had a pentagram burned into it. The mist spoke up again
"
The ground below
The mist chuckled '''<br>
Line 428:
Part 10
"GORDON ARE YOU ALRIGHT" I yelled from outside the temple. Gordon limped out of the destroyed temple. His eyes glowing red. "
He reached up to his temple, closed his eyes, and said something.'''<br>
Line 442:
Beast was busy eating a meal of cacti and pussy when he received the message.
"
Beast chuckled and said to himself. "That old fuck wants round two,
He reached up to the sky and teleported in a bolt of lightning
Line 456:
"YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO JUST FUCKING STAY DEAD, DO YOU, GORDON. I GOTTA SAY THOUGH, IT TAKES SERIOUS BALLS TO DRAG THEIR WAY BACK OUT OF HELL ONLY TO GET THEIR ASS SHOVED BACK IN HEADFIRST!" The beast remarked
"
Beast laughed "I TURNED YOUR ASS INTO NOTHING WITHOUT LAMBSAUCE, NOW THAT I HAVE IT. I WILL END YOU IN HALF THE TIME. SPEAKING OF, SHOUTOUT TO YOUR BOY KEEM FOR TELLING ME WHERE YOU KEPT YOUR LAMBSAUCE.
Gordon smirked "FUCK DANIEL-SAN. FUCK THE LAMBSAUCE.
With that the LA Beast flew at Gordon at inhuman speeds. He threw a superpowered left hook, but Gordon ducked just in time and got him right in the jaw with his own hook. The LA Beast, now enraged sparta kicked Gordon right in the chest, sending him through a temple wall, but Gordon picked up a piece of rock and chucked it so fast it broke the sound barrier. It hit beast right in the face, shattering his nose. Both now weakened, were reduced to wrestling eachother. But Beast, simply stronger than Gordon, picked him up above his head and dropped gordon right onto his knee. I cringed as I heard a cracking sound. The beast then threw Gordon right in my direction.
"....get up" I whispered to myself, but gordon
When I got to Gordon I could tell he was in bad shape. I picked up his head, blood was running out his nose and mouth. Between spitting up blood he told me something.
"R-R-Raiden...open up my shirt." I did as I was told and opened up his white
"Grab the 3rd knife on the left." I did and saw that the knife was jet black and vibrated in my hand.
"L...listen to the knife Raiden, let it do the fighting...
On the verge of tears, I got up slowly and faced the Beast. He started to laugh even harder.
Line 478:
"ARE YOU REALLY READY TO DIE AGAIN FOR YOUR MASTER? I WAS MERCIFUL TO YOU THE FIRST TIME, BUT THIS TIME IT WILL BE SLOW"
I
I spoke
Line 497:
"YOU LITTLE FUCKER" he yelled and blindly charged. I stabbed forward, but he caught my arm and broke it at the elbow like it was nothing. I lost my grip of the knife and fell to the ground in agony. Beast laughed and started beating on my face. Over and over his massive fists colliding with my face. I felt my nose break, I felt my jaw unhinge, I felt teeth pooling at the back of my throat. Until finally he stopped.
"Like your master...weak...and pathetic." He then started to perform a spell. The same spell Gordon had used on Mr. Jefferson, the same spell that Beast had turned back on Gordon. I dragged my broken body towards the knife. Beast laughed as I rolled back over knife in hand. He then sent the spell right towards me. I was finished, I held the knife up in one absolute last ditch effort that I was sure would fail, only it
I somehow got to my feet and made my way towards him while stumbling from the sheer agony. I finally got to Beast, who was somehow still alive.
Line 505:
Beast muscled out a laugh. He then raised his blackened hands and made two finger pistols at me
"
'''
Line 514:
I limped my way back to Gordon. He was alive but barely breathing. I tried my best to carry him, but my body was simply too broken. Someone eventually found us and we were rushed to the hospital, where we eventually recovered. Once we got out we agreed to meet at the temple.
"So...Beast
"Nope, but it looks like karma got him good.
We sat on the steps of the temple watching the sun go down. I decided now was the time to tell him
Line 522:
"Gordon...I want out"
"I
'''
Line 529:
"Hand over your pager"
I did as I was told and handed over the pager to Gordon. I got up put my hand out for Godon shake, which he
'''<br>
Line 545:
The Cemetery
I was wearing my ceremonial fedora and trenchcoat, along with my favorite eyepatch. I just wanted to visit her….one last time. Her family seems to have forgotten about her, her gravestone was old and cracked. The picture on her gravestone had faded to nearly nothing. I considered going to see her family, but I
'''<br>
'''
"
'''
"
I knew that voice. That fucking voice.
"
'''
Line 566:
'''
I saw he had a weapon. I never knew the man to use guns, but I
"Let it go, Raiden….I am not here to fight." He released me and once more spoke
Line 577:
I was confused: "What?" I asked
Gordon spoke up again, "
'''
Line 585:
'''
"It all began with a bunch of old fools...Now,
'''
I
"The powers the mist instilled in me long ago...allowed me to live far past the time I
We walked towards the man in the wheelchair.
Line 597:
'''
"Yes" Gordon smirked "Even with so much bad blood between us,
Gordon walked around Keems veggie body.
Line 603:
"Did Daniel-san really hate me...or did he fear me?"
"Huh….
'''
Once Keem was finished, Gordon continued.
"All the original characters. Chloe, Max, Mr. Jefferson, Jake Paul, LA Beast.
Gordon looked me dead in my one good eye.
"Everything has its beginning. But it
Gordon struggled to squat
Line 623:
"And so, our goal was to erase zero. Even the mighty lamb sauce began with a single ingredient. That one ingredient became full fledged sauce, and we realized too late we had created a beast." Gordon looked to Keem
"His sin….was ours.
As the music got louder Gordon reached down and turned off the oxygen connected to Keems life support. Keem groaned and started to struggle as his breaths grew more and more ragged. Gordon reached around and embraced him as his oxygen ran out….Keem was now dead. Gordon slid his eyelids down and turned off his life support.
Line 640:
Just then Gordon gripped his stomach and fell to his knees while moaning in pain.
"
Gordon began crawling towards a gravestone. He tried to get up to his feet, but fell again. '''<br>
Line 651:
Gordon looked up to me
"Everyone dies. You
"
While his words resonated inside me Gordon tried to get back up. I helped him to his feet, and he continued his monologue'''<nowiki/>'''
"I never thought of you as a son, but
"And….as a man. If you
Gordon let go of me and fell on all fours in front of her grave, much like the way I was before he showed up.
"Max...you were right.
I was pretty sure she died because she sent her teacher a picture of her shit, but I
Gordon then struggled to get up to his feet, but when he did, you bet your ass he started monologuing some more.
Line 671:
"At last, I understand the meaning behind what you did. At last, I understand the truth behind your courage"
Gordon stood at attention and brought a shaky hand to his forehead, and saluted
Gordon released and barely kept his balance
"
Gordon reached out to give me a handshake. I hesitated, but reached my hand out to meet his. Just as we were about to shake he clenched his stomach and fell to the ground in pain, but luckily I caught him. The fucker still
"Know this, Daniel-san and I, Chloe and Max. We all fought a long, bloody war for our LambSauce. We fought to free ourselves from life and and systems and norms and soy. But no matter how hard we tried, the only Sauce we found...was inside...trapped within those limits."
Line 683:
Gordon tried to get back up, but slumped back onto her gravestone.
"But you….you have been given freedom...freedom to be...outside. You are nobody bitch, nobody's cum dumpster. You are no longer a prisoner of LambSauce. You...are no longer a seed of war.
'''
Line 700:
The dubie fell out of his mouth, he was too weak to blaze it up.
A single tear strolled down his face as he turned toward
"Max...you only need one bottle of LambSauce. No…"
Line 706:
"The world would be better off without LambSauce."
A hero
Gordon took a few light puffs. I placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked up to me, and muttered one final phrase.
"This is good...
I watched as the life drained from his eyes...and the doobie dropped from his hand.
|