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The Manila Envelope: Difference between revisions
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Sorry for all the edits, made one bit a bit less repetitive
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I couldn't, so I opened the door and asked my mom to drag my couch to the door so that i could wait for the mailman. She did and I sat down, dag up an old dorito chip from underneath the cushion and ate it. Soon after the postman came, and was walking to my front door with his head down, blissfully unaware that my door was open and that I was watching him, when he got to the doorstep he finally looked up and he shouted "HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT!" And I was scared, I quickly looked behind me (well, taking into account that my field of view was obstructed by my cheeks and quad chin) and saw nothing, and I don't think he was talking to me because all the girls think I'm such a charming handsome dude. The mailman was horrified by something anyway, and he threw the mail at me and ran. I told mom to open the mail because my fingers were so fucking pudgy you could block a manhole with it and my swag samurai sword was too honorable to destroy mere paper - only the blood of those who turn me down for a date will taste that blade - and also me because I'm such an edgy cuntlord.
So yeah enough about my swagnessity, I took a manila envelope at random and it said "CONFIDENTIAL" in dark red letters and underneath it said "KONAMI x US GOVERNMENT SECRET AGENDA PLANS" I found that weird, because Konami was my favourite game company, so I opened it and there was a game box which was black and dark red and said "EVEN MORE SILENT HILLS" and I was scared. My heart was pumping rapidly due to high blood pressure and clogged arteries and a bit of fear I guess, and then when I opened it and there was a note that said "LOOK IN YOUR PS4" and I was scared. How did they know I had
It started, and read "HIDEO KOJIMA'S WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM" and I was spooked solid. It was like they were telling me something, like they knew me. But how? How did Konami know that I was ripped with a sixpack? I took the controllers in my greasy hands and played. There were realistic depictions of gore and gay porn everywhere on the title screen, and then a picture showed up...
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