The Passion - Quest for MIXED NUT: Difference between revisions
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'''CHAPTER 11:''' The Hollywood Scheme
'''CHAPTER 12:''' Murder Plane
'''CHAPTER 13:''' It's Not Over
'''CHAPTER 14:''' The Battle of MI-CA (Part I)
'''CHAPTER 15:''' The Battle of MI-CA (Part II)
'''EPILOUGE'''
{{NSFW}}
Author's Note: Please '''do not attempt''' any of the actions in this narrative. Any humor based on a real subject is for '''SATIRE ONLY''', and not to be taken seriously. Mature content ahead, '''VIEWER DESCRISION ADVISED.'''
'''<big>Chapter 1: Sega Genesis</big>'''
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'''DISCLAMER: The first few chapters were written back when I thought all pastas needed to be funny was shock humor and references to adult topics like a wannabe edge-lord troll. Please read at your own risk and don't in a workplace or school.'''
So, let's start not that long ago in 2002. I was living in the very safe neighborhood of Miami, California. It's the type of town that if your plane crashed during that thing that happened to America, but instead of the World Trade Center, it's Miami, It would be like the scene from Wizard of Oz where the Munchkins all start peeing on each other to celebrate your arrival from Earth.
I was in my house, in my room, at 4:00 AM. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. But then I heard the sounds of Mom and the New Daddy moaning and grunting. It was a peaceful scene. Serene even. My vacation, and I immediately fell asleep. Thank you God for helping them to help me sleep.
...
...
I jump down from the top of the stairs to the floor and this woman totally ignored my fake cries to help me up, so I quit.
"Sweetie?"
...
She leaned forward and said,
Mom had apparently been familiar with my search history and tried to imitate that Minecraft girl, Jenny.
I knew what she meant,
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Remained Calm, +20!
Got a Peek at
'''Dollars earnt:''' +20,000$.
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'''<big>Chapter 2: The Salvation of the PornHub premium account</big>'''
I moonwalked into Miami High School and the Librarian walked up behind me and smacked my ass with Twilight.
She held out my Slipknot™ shirt that I wear every Monday at school.
'''''
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I finally got to
He was about
Our teacher, who I never found out the name of is a bit of a mixed bag. The more I be around her, the less I'm convinced.
I sat down on the mat, and immediately felt swamp-ass in my boxers, they also looked yellow.
"Mrs?"
"See how I'm relaxed and okay. '''''(INHALES EXHALES)''''' I am flooded by happiness."
"Mrs?"
'''<big>"WHAT!?"</big>'''
"Why is there a piss-like substance on my mat?"
'''"MAYBE YOU PEED THERE I DON'T KNOW!?''' Now, (Breathing) just relax, and love one another."
I reluctantly sat down and got into meditation pose.
I heard a strange voice which I quickly responded to by giving the up the middle finger in the air.
"You got my money?"
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Can we think, thinking time! :)
...
...
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I logged into
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<code>{LOADING 100%}</code>
[[File:Ankna.jpg|thumb|Ankha Cat doing the hokey-pokey while explaining her diabolical intentions. |555x555px]]
I finally got to the video and instead of the Cat dancing, as proven by the Wright Brothers, it was the Cat speaking directly into the camera in the exact manly voice I expected:
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Mime and Dash showed up out of nowhere
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'''<big>NOTE TO VIEWER:</big>
''
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<br />
<big>"Both of you stop fighting!"</big> the Mom said.
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"BOO!!! You suck!" the public jeered.
"Look what you did us!" said the dad.
"Oh you wanna go!?"
"You wanna go bro!?"
They became a ball of screaming hype people for about 10 seconds before actually punching each other. A huge crowd formed around the hussle as they ''"OOHH"''-ed at each swing.
Eventually, the cops rolled up and broke up the fight. When I clicked STOP on my phone, it had clocked at 4 minutes. This was gold!
I began to post it to YouTube, but then the door was busted down for some reas-
<big>(BANG, B-B-BANG, B-BANG)</big>
Several masked soldiers came in and shot at the ceiling, getting all our's attentions.
"WTF ES-"
The cop got hit the gut by one of them, and so did the other. The soldiers aimed at the public, and shouted,
<big>"EVEVYBODY, OUTSIDE, NOW. I REPEAT, EREVYBODY GO OUTSIDE, NOW, ...except for you three."</big>
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''Murder Plane!'''
'''Achievements:'''
Unnatural Gas '''+54!'''
Eatin' Hood in the Neighbor '''+140!'''
'''Dollars earnt:''' -20$
Total Dollars: '''14,951$'''
'''<big>Chapter 13: It's Not Over</big>'''
The soldiers escorted everybody out of the Applebee's while we were still seated. They then took a huge cartoon saw and sawed off the booth we were sitting in. They took it onto an open semi-truck bed, and drove away.
It was two days later (Not including hotel) that we arrived in the middle of nowhere in the desert. We were taken down into a bunker, and the booth was placed in a cyberpunk-looking room with a huge 90's TV.
Ankha Cat walked in, ...wait WHAT!? She had a ton of bruises and scars on her, and a cyborg red eye.
"''(huff)(puff)''I'm not dead! ...I'm not dead."
She looked at Mixed Nut sinisterly.
"...w-What?"
"Hey, Nut? Guess what."
"What?"
"I gotta new man!"
"Who?"
Suddenly, the Random Truck Driver walked in.
"You see? This one can actually pay the bills!"
...
"...Look, we already got the nuke long ago, so I'm just gonna leave you three down here and play South Park on the screen for like an hour for me to get ready, then I'll explain."
They walked out, and immediately South Park began to play on the TV.
'''30 MINUTES LATER...'''
"Screw this." I walked up from the booth freely.
"Hey, (Y/N). How did you get out of your handcuffs?"
"There wasn't any."
They tried to get up, but it turns out, ''they'' were restrained.
"...m-Bye."
"NO, Whatdaf-" <big>''DOOR SHUT''</big>
'''SONG PLAYING:''' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6rOiaThksY
I tipped toed throughout the hallways, and heard something familiar coming from one of the rooms.
''step on the glass, staple your tounge, aoAHaah, bury a friend, try to wake up''
This was a music I do not know of or artist.
Anyways, I peeked into the door and saw Ankha dancing like she was having an excorism in slow motion. I tip-toed past her and hid in the closet. I peeked out of that to look at the room. It was filled with pictures of Mixed Nut's misadventures, as in his adulutrisies. Many of them were cut up, or the women in them had red circles drawn around their faces.
She suddenly stopped to drink Caprisun into her noose like cocaine, and while turning back around, she starred at me.
...
...
She went back to her buisness, and I quickly went out.
I eventually found the keys in another room and hurried back to Michael and Nut.
"MICHAEL, NUT, I FOUND THE-..."
They were gone. The handcuffs were still present. The Random Truck Driver walked in just now with a shotgun.
<big>CHU-CHUH</big>
<big><big>"YOU DONIN HAE BOOOOOOI!"</big></big>
I ran as fast I could, and he kept chasing me. I even past Ankha's room, and she's gone too.
<big>"GE BAK HE BOI!"</big>
He kept shooting and pumping while chasing me. I eventually got to the elevator, and he got his head stuck in between the doors.
I said, <big><big>"HOO</big></big>, <big>ho</big>, hoo." He tried to shot at me by sticking the shotgun in, but I dodged it. He ended up chopping his head off in the elevator, kinda gross.
Finally, the elevator stopped at the 99th level, I was on the desert surface, and there was Ankha. As well as Mike and Nut.
Mike and Nut were lying face-down on the ground.
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''It's Not Over!'''
'''Achievements:'''
Downfall '''+70!'''
Calling Shotgun! '''+80!'''
'''Dollars earnt:''' +0$
Total Dollars: '''14,951$'''
<big>'''Chapter 14: The Battle of MI-CA (Part I)'''</big>
"Well, I guess this is the climax, isn't it (Y/N)?" shouted Ankha.
I didn't know how to respond, so I just ran backwards around the bunker opening. There was a handy AK-47 back there which I used to fend off the guards.
I returned to where Michael and Nut were, and they woke up after I tapping on of them with my foot.
"Woah, what happened?" said Michael groggily.
"And where's Ankha?"
...
...
"I really don't know-"
Right then, we heard the sound of a plane starting. We looked behind me, and we saw a huge bomber plane taking off, with Ankha in the cockpit. She took off, supposedly with the nuke.
<big>"We need a ride>"</big>
"What about <big>''that''</big>"
There was a genUIne Apache Helicopter behind us again, which we took. Michael flew this time, and me and Nut were on Minigun duty.
We took of towards Miami, which I guessed was North-West, but the wind pulled us the other direction. Went from desert, to plains, to mushroom biomes before finally reaching the plane over Miami.
'''"CALM LIKE A BOMB" by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE starts playing:''' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2TLwwrLKbY
"Prepare the attack." said Michael, as we got closed to the back of the plane.
<big>"AND...FIRE!"</big>
<big><big>'''''B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B'''''</big></big>
Ankha was caught off guard, and I guess released the nuke out of the back, as it ''slowly'' rolled backwards.
<big>"WE GOTTA GO UNDER IT!"</big> said Michael
<big><big>"ARE YOU CRAZY!?"</big></big> Nut shouted
<big>"THERE'S NO CHOICE, NOW ON THE COUNT OF THREE, WE JUMP! OK?"</big>
He dove downwards, under the nuke, and just before it was about to hit...
<big>"ONE, <big>TWO, <big>THREE!</big></big></big>
We jumped, and then...
'''<big><big><big><big><big>BOOOOOOOM</big></big></big></big></big>'''
Thankfully, we were able to freefall into someone's backyard pool since the explosion was in the air.
We rushed into the empty house's basement for fear of debris and alive Ankha falling from the sky.
"Nut, didn't you say you knew how to defeat her?"
"I didn't say anything like that!"
"What? Well do you remember anything?"
"Me and Ankha were staying in Miami for a weekend and she told me so I wrote it down and put it somewhere."
"Do you think it's in this house?"
"I don't know, that was like 4 years ago!"
"Well we'll check after we find her!"
<big>DOOR SLAM</big>
''"Heeere's Nutty!'' said Ankha.
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''The Battle of MI-CA (Part I)!'''
'''Achievements:'''
Kamakizee '''+40!'''
I'm not Afriad of the dark! '''+95!'''
'''Dollars earnt:''' +0$
Total Dollars: '''14,951$'''
<big>'''Chapter 15: The Battle of MI-CA (Part II)'''</big>
All three of us ran under the stairs, and Ankha was immediately confused, and left. We heard the front door close after 4.998 seconds and we quietly sneaked upstairs, looking for the paper. The house looked like empty, like the people here had just moved out.
"Nut, Did you own this place?"
"No, the owners were on vacation while me and Ankha were here."
"Oh, so squatting?"
"Yeah kinda."
The only pieces of cabinet that remained were in the kitchen, but I digress. Okay, now we know that, Ankha's immortal to 99.9% of all things, and the cure is somewhere in this neighborhood, which their only restaurant is the Applebee's from earlier. This also means that Ankha's "...still in this neighborhood." I said.
...
BACKGROUND AUDIO PLAYING: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTSRL4FPEOo
Michael found a jetski with wheels which we rode off on, and Ankha Corp spotted us as fire opened up, this happened while the debris was falling from the ski, so it looked like Armageddon out there. The after effects of the nuke's mid-air explosion left the sky yellow and grey.
We tried to get out of the area, but a bullet stuck one of the wheels. This thankfully did not slow us down because we still were able to get as far as the Evergreens before the radiator exploded, and sent all of us flying into the forest.
I kept flying 50 feet in the air until hitting a ro-
<big>'''BANG'''</big>
...
...
(waking up)
I didn't know how long I was asleep for, but I woke up in the middle of nowhere, in the Evergreens forest. Michael and Nut where nowhere to be found, even though I whistled and called out for them, no answer. Well, there was one answer; "Hey! I think that was (Y/N)!" said Ankha.
I ran with a limp towards only God knows direction and noticed several Bigfoots, but I digress. However, I found a stick lying around, and took it for protection. What the frick am I doing? I have to find the paper.
...That's right, <big>THE PAPER!</big>
<big><big>"HOLB</big> it right there, (Y/N).</big>
Using my tips from Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist, I was able to successfully fend off the guards once again, and almost thought I was a Mary Sue. That was until Ankha stole my stick and slapped me silly with it. I grabbed some sand and threw it in her face, allowing me to run out of the forest and too the highway.
Based on my past experiences, hitchhiking was no option. Speaking of which, the Random Truck Driver's Semi Truck was just sitting right there on the road, so I took it and drove back to the neighborhood. I checked all of the open houses and found nothing in them about Ankha. Either they had all moved, or were evacuating. Eventually I got to the house from before, and reluctantly searched it. All I found was a random note, and two tickets to Space Jam. Both were rather useless.
''VVVVVMM, VVVVVMM''
My phone rang, saying Michael.
"Who art thou?" I said.
"It's Michael."
"Where are you guys?"
"Just outside the forest, both of us."
I hung up. Come ON!
I drove back to the outside-the-forest and there was all the remaining solders, plus Ankha. Three electric chairs, Michael and Nut in two, one empty.
"This is the last monologue, (Y/N), trust me. These two vermin are not the only ones who will be a victim to the invention of electricity. I have saved on spot for you as you have proven to me just as useful to the rest of the trio."
"You didn't think that before?" I asked, surprised.
"No, now prepare for the end, protag.
She walked over to the switch, and while she was preparing it, Nut whispered to me.
''"Psst, (Y/N) Read the note! Just read it!''
<big>(Music builds)</big>
I looked down at the ticket. "No the other one!"
I read the other note, and she turned around. "(Y/N) What are you doing?" said asked.
<big><big>(Crescendo)</big></big>
...
(reading) '''"Actually, White Castle is better than Krystal."'''
<big><big><big><big>(THUNDER STRIKE)</big></big></big></big>
The skies turned blue, and the clouds began to condense on top of the scene, and a huge lightning rod came out of nowhere. It struck Ankha dead center, and she turned red and bloaty. The lightning rod split into several rods, and struck all of the guards as well.
<big><big>"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DUN, mixed... nUuuonojhohg...</big></big>
She melted into a steaming nothing, and the guards too.
It looked straight out of that face-melting scene from Raiders.
Suddenly, the weather resumed back to normal with no indication of anything ever happening. The electric chairs disappeared after a few seconds, and all three of us were fine.
Something else I noticed was that both papers disappeared. Because of this, I casually asked Nut,
"Hey Keyshawn, what'd you think of Space Jam?"
"Ehh, it's a mixed nut."
"A New Legacy?"
"Horrible, just horrible."
We all group hugged, and Michael said, "...So now what?"
<big><big>'''BEEP BEEP'''</big></big>
<big>"(Y/F/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), where have you been I've been looking for you everywhere, get in the car!"</big>
Mom had stopped right next to us, and waited until someone referenced the unknown future. I got in with my thumbs in my pockets, and we drove back to the house. "You are grounded when we get home, and you should know better!"
She sent me to my room when we got home, and thankfully, my phone was in my pocket.. sooo... MUHAAAHAA!!! But when it was time to go to bed, something hit me.
...
(daydreaming)
...
<big>''reference to the unknown future?''</big>
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''The Battle of MI-CA (Part II)!'''
'''Achievements:'''
Bonus Chest '''+72!'''
What a world, am I right? '''+5000'''
'''Dollars earnt:''' -50$
Total Dollars: '''14,901$'''
<big>'''Epilogue'''</big>
Mom was in the kitchen, "muf-inkig, frikin, just, j-just do it bro!"
'''"I Hate Myself for Loving You" by JOAN JETT & THE BLACKHEARTS starts playing ''(plays throughout the whole chapter)'':''' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQOt3D5yxvQ
'''<big><big>CAR IGNITION STARTS</big></big>'''
"W-what, What! WHAT!"
Mom ran over to the window and opened it. I drove the car out of the driveway, across the lawns, and into the night.
"GET BACK HERE YOU MUTHERFUCKING-"
Her voice faded out as I sped away. I was on the phone with Michael.
"Remember what you asked before I left?"
"'So now what?'"
"Well this is the answer!"
<big><big><big><big>TO BE CONTINUED...</big></big></big><big></big>
<big>OH WAIT, LET'S COUNT HOW MANY POINTS YOU GOT! </big>
(calculating...) (buffering)
<big><big>7,097 POINTS!</big></big>
'''Thanks for reading! This took a lot of hard work and patience, which sometimes was sacrificed for procrastination, but the ''first part's'' finally done. I should hopefully start making the second one very soon. ―Minks Dinkle'''
P.S,
Special thanks to these users, and everyone else on this wiki who has inspired and supported me.
[[File:Friens.png|center|frameless|448x448px]]
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