The Reaping: Difference between revisions

You wake up. You get out of bed. You brush your teeth. You make breakfast. You put out food and water for your pet cat, Cthulhu. You named it Cthulhu because of your apparent obsession with H. P. Lovecraft, which still doesn't explain why you named your cat after a fucking octopus monster (especially since, y'know, cats hate water). By the way, did you know that H. P. Lovecraft was a cat-lover? Isn't that ''interesting''? You certainly seem to think so. You find it ''so''  interesting, in fact, that you almost forget how utterly boring and empty your pathetic excuse for a life is. Hey, speaking of your life,  I don't think I've introduced myself yet.! I am '''Death'''.

"Don't you pay attention?" I ask back. "I already covered this in the first paragraph. It's even bolded, for Christ's sake!"

"No, I'm here to take to your soul."

"Oh, well, that's ni- wait, what? My ''soul''?"

"Yes, your soul."

"AlrightAll right, enough of this. Let's-"

"Oh, okay.!"

So you happily agree to come along with me into a dark alleyway, where I reveal that it was all a big hoaxtrick designed to lure you into my trap.! Then I realize that I forgot to actually set up the trap, so instead I decide to brutally murder you and burn down your house instead.

THEN CTHULHU THE CAT POPPED OUT AND CLAWED OUT MY EYES MY EYES MY EYESAAAAAHHVICIGXURASUGCOJVOHCUFZUFXGIXIGCXGXLCOHFIYFANDEYES NOW I'MMY DEAD.EYESAAAAAHHVICIGXURASUGCOJVOHCUFZUFXGIXIGCXGXLCOHFIYFizded