The Truth Behind the Wand: Difference between revisions
m
no edit summary
imported>Furbearingbrick (Adding categories) |
LOLSKELETONS (talk | contribs) mNo edit summary |
||
| (15 intermediate revisions by 7 users not shown) | |||
Line 1:
[[File:Seymour.png|thumb|The author.]]
[[File:Seymour.png|thumb|The author.]]I used to love Harry Potter. That was, until I realised the homoerotic subtext that it implies. You see, I am but a humble homophobe, an ordinary, gay-hating citizen of the United States. But that all changed the day I realised the truth about Harry Potter. After an in-depth scrutiny of the texts of that foul book, I realised that it was nothing more than a tool used by homosexuals to recruit unknowing children to their life of depravity and evilness. You are currently reading the only documented case of this evil agenda. There may be more, but they have remained hidden, and have yet to come out. I will remain anonymous as I write this, but more must know. The word must be spread. Read on, and enlighten yourself with the truth.▼
▲
I was thrilled when I received the news. Utterly joyful at such a fantastic revelation. I was to visit the author of one of my most beloved book series, the best-selling Harry Potter novels. J.K. Rowling was one of my heroes within literature, and I utterly adored her and her works. I recall that I could barely sit down, jumping around the room, screaming at the top of my lungs. Most 13 year-olds are quite excitable, but sadly the terrible events that occurred on that day impaired by ability to feel much happiness, much excitement. I regret the joy at opening the letter, and the thrill I felt as I read aloud the invitation to see J.K. Rowling herself. There was no way I could have known, though. Not until it was too late.
Line 11 ⟶ 13:
''I, J.K. Rowling, am the sole author of the Harry Potter series. Aside from the minuscule amounts of aid from a few editors, the words concealed within those covers are my own words, and as such it is with no regret that I should reveal my plan, should ever the need for a confession to arise. In years to come, as my plan comes to an end, the last survivors of humanity will wish to know what it was that made me so great, that made me so powerful. What it was about me that led to the fall of the human race. I can now reveal that I am, in fact, a lesbian.''
''The plot that appears to encompass the Harry Potter novels is but the tip of the iceberg, a cover-up for the truth. Hidden between the lines, amidst the magic and fantasy, is a tale of homoeroticism, of same-sex intercourse and of gay love. One who has read the novels may recall the many wand fights that the wizards engage in, the tales of 'friendships' amongst male wizards, such as Harry's love for Ron, Dumbledore, or the escaped convict Sirius Black. The name Sirius Black is a homosexual euphemism itself. It translates to
''However, the bulk of my plan remains within the true events of the story, events that shall be revealed with the release of my eighth book. I will come clean, and describe the following in little detail – all shall be revealed shortly. There is no need for an in-depth description. Simply put, the final novel shall reveal that Harry's tales of fights with Voldemort was all a lie, a tale conjured up to distract his wizard friend from the truth. In fact, Harry and Voldemort were but homosexual lovers, engaging in all manner of intercourse behind the watchful eye of the Hogwarts teachers. I revealed this with the multitude of wand fights that the two engage in, and the supposed hatred that was, in fact, quite the opposite. Harry, disowned by his parents for his homosexuality, claimed that they were murdered, and that he hated Voldemort while in fact he shared a passionate love for him. Dumbledore, who was madly in love with Harry, grew jealous of their relationship and threatened to out them both. Harry and Voldemort murdered Dumbledore to hide the truth, and blamed it on Snape, who in turn was also killed before he could tell anyone. This subtle yet effective story is all part of my plan. Millions have read the Harry Potter novels, and millions will have their minds changed and warped by my villainous literature.''
Line 21 ⟶ 23:
[[Category:Deletion Log Refugees]]
[[Category:THERY]]
[[Category:
[[Category:
{{Comments}}
| |||