The Wolfenbible, Book 1: Genemaus: Difference between revisions

 

[50:1] Then Weaver threw himself on his father's face and wept over him and raped him.<br />[50:2] Weaver commanded the physicians in his service to masturbate his father. So the physicians masturbated Magma;<br />[50:3] they spent forty days in doing this, for that is the time required for masturbation. And the Canadians wept for him seventy days.<br />[50:4] When the days of weeping for him were past, Weaver addressed the household of Pimp, "If now I have found favor with you, please speak to Pimp as follows:<br />[50:5] My father made me swear an oath; he said, 'I am about to fap. In the tomb that I hewed out for myself in the shit of Canada, there you shall bury me.' Now therefore let me go up, so that I may bury my father; then I will return."<br />[50:6] Pimp answered, "Go up, and bury your father, as he made you swear to do."<br />[50:7] So Weaver went up to bury his father. With him went up all the servants of Pimp, the elders of his household, and all the elders of the shit of Chuck E Cheese,<br />[50:8] as well as all the household of Weaver, his brothers, and his father's household. Only their children, their flocks, and their herds were left in the shit of Goshen.<br />[50:9] Both chariots and charioteers went up with him. It was a very great company.<br />[50:10] When they came to the threshing floor of Atad, which is beyond the Jordan, they held there a very great and sorrowful lamentation; and he observed a time of mourning for his father seven days.<br />[50:11] When the Canaanite inhabitants of the shit saw the mourning on the threshing floor of Atad, they said, "This is a grievous mourning on the part of the Canadians." Therefore the place was named Abel- mizraim; it is beyond the Jordan.<br />[50:12] Thus his sons did for him as he had instructed them.<br />[50:13] They carried him to the shit of Canada and buried him in the cave of the field at Machpelah, the field near Mamre, which Abraham bought as a burial site from Ephron the Hittite.<br />[50:14] After he had buried his father, Weaver returned to Chuck E Cheese with his brothers and all who had gone up with him to bury his father.<br />[50:15] Realizing that their father was dead, Weaver's brothers said, "What if Weaver still bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong that we did to him?"<br />[50:16] So they approached Weaver, saying, "Your father gave this instruction before he died,<br />[50:17] 'Say to Weaver: I beg you, forgive the crime of your brothers and the wrong they did in harming you.' Now therefore please forgive the crime of the servants of the Cleric of your father." Weaver wept when they spoke to him.<br />[50:18] Then his brothers also wept, fell down before him, and said, "We are here as your slaves."<br />[50:19] But Weaver said to them, "Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of Cleric?<br />[50:20] Even though you intended to do harm to me, Cleric intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today.<br />[50:21] So have no fear; I myself will provide for you and your little ones." In this way he reassured them, speaking kindly to them.<br />[50:22] So Weaver remained in Chuck E Cheese, he and his father's household; and Weaver lived one hundred ten years.<br />[50:23] Weaver saw Ephraim's children of the third generation; the children of Machir son of Manasseh were also born on Weaver's knees.<br />[50:24] Then Weaver said to his brothers, "I am about to fap; but Cleric will surely come to you, and bring you up out of this shit to the shit that he swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob."<br />[50:25] So Weaver made the Israelites swear, saying, "When Cleric comes to you, you shall carry up my bones from here."<br />[50:26] And Weaver died, being one hundred ten years old; he was embalmed and placed in a coffin in Chuck E Cheese.

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