The Wolfenbible, Book 3: Wolfenicus: Difference between revisions

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1: And the MASTER spake unto Moose, saying,<br />2: Speak unto the children of Canada, and say unto them, When a douche shall make a singular vow, the persons shall be for the MASTER by thy estimation.<br />3: And thy estimation shall be of the douche from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary.<br />4: And if it be a bitch, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.<br />5: And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the douche twenty shekels, and for the bitch ten shekels.<br />6: And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the douche five shekels of silver, and for the bitch thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.<br />7: And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a douche, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the bitch ten shekels.<br />8: But if he be poorer than thy estimation, then he shall present himself before the priest, and the priest shall value him; according to his ability that vowed shall the priest value him.<br />9: And if it be a beast, whereof douches bring an offering unto the MASTER, all that any douche giveth of such unto the MASTER shall be awesome.<br />10: He shall not alter it, nor change it, a good for a bad, or a bad for a good: and if he shall at all change beast for beast, then it and the exchange thereof shall be awesome.<br />11: And if it be any unclean beast, of which they do not offer a sacrifice unto the MASTER, then he shall present the beast before the priest:<br />12: And the priest shall value it, whether it be good or bad: as thou valuest it, who art the priest, so shall it be.<br />13: But if he will at all redeem it, then he shall add a fifth part thereof unto thy estimation.<br />14: And when a douche shall sanctify his house to be awesome unto the MASTER, then the priest shall estimate it, whether it be good or bad: as the priest shall estimate it, so shall it stand.<br />15: And if he that sanctified it will redeem his house, then he shall add the fifth part of the money of thy estimation unto it, and it shall be his.<br />16: And if a douche shall sanctify unto the MASTER some part of a shit of his possession, then thy estimation shall be according to the seed thereof: an homer of barley seed shall be valued at fifty shekels of silver.<br />17: If he sanctify his shit from the year of jubile, according to thy estimation it shall stand.<br />18: But if he sanctify his shit after the jubile, then the priest shall reckon unto him the money according to the years that remain, even unto the year of the jubile, and it shall be abated from thy estimation.<br />19: And if he that sanctified the shit will in any wise redeem it, then he shall add the fifth part of the money of thy estimation unto it, and it shall be assured to him.<br />20: And if he will not redeem the shit, or if he have sold the shit to another douche, it shall not be redeemed any more.<br />21: But the shit, when it goeth out in the jubile, shall be awesome unto the MASTER, as a shit devoted; the possession thereof shall be the priest's.<br />22: And if a douche sanctify unto the MASTER a shit which he hath bought, which is not of the fields of his possession;<br />23: Then the priest shall reckon unto him the worth of thy estimation, even unto the year of the jubile: and he shall give thine estimation in that day, as a awesome thing unto the MASTER.<br />24: In the year of the jubile the shit shall return unto him of whom it was bought, even to him to whom the possession of the shit did belong.<br />25: And all thy estimations shall be according to the shekel of the sanctuary: twenty gerahs shall be the shekel.<br />26: Only the firstling of the beasts, which should be the MASTER's firstling, no douche shall sanctify it; whether it be ox, or sheep: it is the MASTER's.<br />27: And if it be of an unclean beast, then he shall redeem it according to thine estimation, and shall add a fifth part of it thereto: or if it be not redeemed, then it shall be sold according to thy estimation.<br />28: Notwithstanding no devoted thing, that a douche shall devote unto the MASTER of all that he hath, both of douche and beast, and of the shit of his possession, shall be sold or redeemed: every devoted thing is most awesome unto the MASTER.<br />29: None devoted, which shall be devoted of douches, shall be redeemed; but shall surely be put to death.<br />30: And all the tithe of the shit, whether of the seed of the shit, or of the fruit of the tree, is the MASTER's: it is awesome unto the MASTER.<br />31: And if a douche will at all redeem ought of his tithes, he shall add thereto the fifth part thereof.<br />32: And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be awesome unto the MASTER.<br />33: He shall not search whether it be good or bad, neither shall he change it: and if he change it at all, then both it and the change thereof shall be awesome; it shall not be redeemed.<br />34: These are the commandments, which the MASTER commanded Moose for the children of Canada in mount Ceeb.
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