Top Cat: The Lost Episode: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "If you stop and think about it and reach deep into your memory banks, you might remember an old cartoon called Top Cat. Top Cat is not remembered by too many people these days, but it was a popular cartoon back in its 1970s heyday. Starring a cat who wore a hat and lived out of a trash can, Top Cat resembled former U.S. President Ulysses S. Grant, and the Civil War. I myself served in the Civil War, and my name is Grant S. Ulysses. I also once ran a convenience store. We...") |
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If you stop and think about it and reach deep into your memory banks, you might remember an old cartoon called Top Cat. Top Cat is not remembered by too many people these days, but it was a popular cartoon back in its 1970s heyday. Starring a cat who wore a hat and lived out of a trash can, Top Cat resembled former U.S. President Ulysses S. Grant, and the Civil War. I myself served in the Civil War, and my name is Grant S. Ulysses. I also once ran a convenience store. Well…
One day I was selling a soft pretzel and a large Magush Berry Slurpee to a kid with a skateboard and a backwards hat and an eyepatch, and a bright orange Atari t-shirt that reminded me of painful memories trying to break Billy
The Richmeister! Oh, I considered closing shop for the day and just accepting
Well, that was worthy of something. I went to the cash register and picked out some LeBron James Lemonade Bubbleyum (keep in mind this was the 90s) and I also got him his very own Magookleberry Slurpee (I added a lemon to the top, and a festive piece of lime right in the middle). Little did he know that the festive lime was ''poisonous''! A-ha heh, a-ha heh, a-ha heh heh heh!
Sorry. That was just a little joke. So, I gave him the festive lime and the Slurpee. He passed out. Oh, crap. I
No. I had an even better idea. I took the body and I put it behind the counter. I
I was about to leave the store, actually, but then I looked over to the copy machine. I wondered what the Richmeister was copying. At this point, since he was dead and
I took the VHS tape and went home. My apartment is not a very impressive apartment.
I put the tape into the VCR, and I was ready to watch some quality entertainment. Oh, Top Cat. I remembered him from when I was a lad. The usual theme song played. It went a little something like this:
Wait a minute… what the hell was that? What the… ''hell''? That was not the usual Top Cat theme song, and that was not even the slight bit
Well, I
So, what else could I do? I was able to put the VHS tape back in, and to be honest with you I would rather watch a horrible VHS tape than be alone with my thoughts (I have an anxiety disorder). The tape continued. It showed Top Cat living inside of a trash can, as normal. He poked out of the trash can and then he stared directly at me, the viewer! Well, that was a little weird, but then again, breaking the fourth wall
The scene cut to black and I was starting to wonder if the whole episode was just Top Cat smoking a… cigarette, and after that terrible theme song I had PTSD (and I just got triggered thinking about it).
I wondered if that was the entire tape, but then it cut to another scene. It was Top Cat outside. It was a full moon. I shrieked in horror when I looked closely, as the moon then panned in, as if there was a camera. It was a blood moon! The moon was blood red. It also looked HD. They
Top Cat was playing a ukulele.
A chill went down my spine. My spine, that may as well have been stuck inside the VHS player. … How did Top Cat know the future? There was something sinister about this tape.
Then a female cat appeared. A female cat wearing pink, with a beautiful bowtie in her hair. Well this was curious! Was this episode going to get cute all of a sudden, because so far, it was just vulgar.
Suddenly, the tape turned to work… shit, I left that corpse at work… more on that later. Suddenly, the tape turned to worse. Even worse than before… even worse than the ''theme song''! Top Cat took out his ukulele and he smashed the female cat on the fucking head with it.
I was ready to turn off the tape. I closed my eyes, and pretended I was in a faraway land somewhere, but that
Top Cat was eating out of the trash, except this time it was footage of an actual cat eating out of the trash. He was eating… fishbones and expired cat food. Purina chow. And also, a Bob Uecker baseball card. This did not make sense! I
However, it was approaching morning and it was time for work, so I tried really, really hard to rip myself away from the VHS player.
It
Finally… I noticed something. My only way out. My old nail filer was sitting on the floor. I bent down, with great strategy to pick up the nail filer with my teeth… and to my horror, I knocked over the television and the VHS player. Suddenly… I was zapped by the electrical outburst. Smoke went up into the air. But it was too late for me. Because I was now zapped… into a skeleton…
I woke up in hell. Satan was there. He was wearing a
Suddenly, the
The Richmeister was Satan all along.
Well friends,
You know, I
I guess the moral of the story is, if you ever come across something strange, like a VHS tape or any other sort of residuals from the dead… respect the property of the dead.
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