Triumphs of the Toppler, Vol. 2: Difference between revisions

Once, The Toppler was out for a drive to the gym, since there wasn’t much for him to punch at the moment. As he turned into a field, a dark figure jumped onto the car and smashed through the windshield. Quickly, in retaliation, the Toppler chucked him out of the window into a nearby tree. The creature picked up a large rock, because screw you, and tossed it through the Toppler’s windshield. ''Didn’t the windshield already get broken?'' thought the Toppler as the rock collided with him, crumbling to dust instantly, since nobody crushes the Toppler!  He stepped out of the car, pretending he was Neo or something (which was difficult, since he was only wearing a jockstrap [not my idea]). The creature, which I guess is called Hobo Heart (it’s unrevealed in the story, I’m just grasping at straws), lunged at the Toppler, ready to tear out his heart. However, nobody mutilates the Toppler, so he was thankfully unscathed. “The last person who tried that,” said the Toppler with a calm fury, “ended up drowning in the Thames.”  The Toppler then grabbed Hobo Heart by the head, crushing his skull, as it considered that the exoskeleton was a bad design choice. The Toppler grabbed Hobo Heart by the neck and flung him into the moon, where he quickly suffocated and died. And everything was lovely once again. Wonderful.

“You can’t just eat that thing,” bellowed the head scientist. “It’s a beast version of our mascot!” The Toppler and the giant rat stopped their fight, and beat up and killed the scientist. Then they resumed. The fight spilled outside, and once more ''nobody noticed''. The Toppler picked up the Shark-A-Mole machine and repeatedyrepeatedly bashed the creature over the head with it. Then he put it down for others to enjoy, and picked up the Time Crisis 3 machine. Since everyone was sick of that game, it wouldn’t be that big of a loss. He proceeded to ram it down the rat’s throat, somehow causing it to explode, and yet again, ''nobody cared''. It was then the Toppler realised that his mountain of tickets had been stolen. “Ah well,” said the Toppler. “It was  probably only about 5 drumsticks' worth anyway.”

“Eh,” said Jeff, glancing at where his arms used to be. “I’ve had worse.” So Jeff proceeded to kick the Toppler with his rocket feet, despite the fact he kept rocketing backwards at houses and smashing them, causing millions of pounds worth of property damage. To prevent the council spending any more of their biscuit funds on reconstruction, the Toppler poured worcestershireWorcestershire sauce on Jeff’s robot legs and ate them. “Tell you what,” said Jeff timidly, “let’s call it a draw.” The Toppler kicked Jeff’s fishy head off of his body like a rugby ball, and with that Dave and the Toppler ran off to work to avoid being late.