Triumphs of the Toppler, Vol 1.: Difference between revisions

The Toppler, in need of money, joined up with Ofsted because being an Ofsted inspector requires about as much effort as buying milk from the corner shop. On Halloween, he was a bit annoyed because he had to go and inspect a rather odd high school. What made it odd, you don't ask? Well, not only was there unprotected access to the roof, but it for some reason had dorms. Also, a student had managed to die there. The Toppler felt a sense of pride, despite the fact that he was only doing this job for easy money, because this would be the first bust of a school Ofsted had ever done. He decided to snoop around, since all the students were at a party. It wasn't even a Halloween party, which was rather silly even to the stereotypically stupid Toppler. Suddenly, he felt a slight tickling sensation on his chest and looked down. He found a bent knife on him, and a blood stained 14 year old holding it with a look of intense terror on his face. The knife had bent because no-one kills the Toppler. “Did you do this?” said the Toppler calmly.

“Why?” responded the Toppler. “Actually, better question - why did you confess?”

“Well, that doesn't make you cool or badass, does it?” said the Toppler. “It just makes you an asshole!”

With that, the Toppler laughed like he was being tickled by a thousand nuclear explosions, which was possible since no-one blows up the Toppler. “Stop laughing!” yelled Helen. The Toppler responded by punching Helen in the face, shattering his skull and killing him instantly. “Whoops,” said the Toppler. Then he noticed a tiny, barely noticeable cut on his fist. It appeared that Helen was so edgy, he could cut even the nigh-invulnerable Toppler’s skin. Doing the world more favours, he beat up Helen's corpse to rid the world of such an insufferable creature. <br />

After the incident with Helen (snort), everything else the Toppler did at Ofsted was just boring. Even the school full of shape-shifting bat people. So, he resigned and got a job at easy jet as the steward. On one particular flight to Arkansas, a woman asked him for peanuts. When he enquired as to what flavour, the woman, Jane, responded with “Jeff's tears.”

After his battle with Jane the Killer, the Toppler got fired from easyjet. This meant he had to go seek employment, since beating up people nobody likes doesn't exactly pay the gas bill. However, since the employment system is complete bollocks, the only place he could find employment was at Ben and Jerry’s, but at least he got free ice cream. One day, a man wearing a hoodie came to the till. He was facing backwards, for some odd reason. “Err… I'm over here, mate,” said the Toppler.

One day, the Toppler was sat at home, doing absolutely nothing at all, because the author was too lazy to come up with anything. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It was Postman Plot, and he was a carrying a rather large box, addressed to the Toppler.