Why They Don't See Me Around Anymore

I sit at the bar, drinking my ass off and all my troubles. My job sucks, i have no wife, and barely any money. I'm getting tired of living life anyways. Might aswell go home, but first I have to take a piss. I stagger to the bathroom, when the door swings open, it's my old friend Tony, God, I hate the bastard, he says "Hey Jauchaelle, how you doing?"

"Shut it you Jew" I couldn't controll my vocabulary when I was that drunk, I had meant to say bastard.

"Take it easy, man, how about I buy you a drink?"

"Go and get your own drink, I have to use.... ummm..... THIS!" I pointed to the bathroom door.

"Okay, suit yourself"

I go into the bathroom and throw myself into a stall, trying to get up. I do what i came to do, and finished up soon afterward. Might aswell leave now. I stumble out into the cold, covering myself with every inch of jacket i could find. There are no taxis, but what do you expect when you're at a bar, all of them are used up. I get into my car and start to go to my house. I drift off to the side and swerve once or twice. When I reach my street. I go full speed down the road, carelessly. Thats when I hit the tree.

I woke up in a dark room. There was nothing visable besides the floor, which gave a somewhat radiant glow. I stand up, my body is light, and moves with ease, I walk down the extensive hallway trying to find something, when i stumble across an orb. "Take it" I hear i a sepuchral tone, "Take it and bring it to me" the voice seemed to be coming from down the hallway. I picked the orb up and walk down the hallway even more. There's a room at the end of the hallway, it is dimly lit with 2 torches. A strange skeletal figure apears in front of me. "Ah, it is the orb. But why are you here my dear?"

"I don't know, I replied"

"Ah, I see, you must have died"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, nothing, just the fact that this is Hell"

"What?"

"Yep, this is hell, whre you will spend an eternity of pain and suffering..... unless"

"Unless what?"

"Unless you kill a particular someone, then you will be granted eternal purgatory"

"Better than Hell, who?

"PATRIXXX"

"Never heard of him"

"Just take this knife, and this tape, and you will see"

"Okay, I'll do it, if it means eternal purgutory"

I look over to see a VHS player, and pop in the tape, it starts out with the Spongebob Squarepants theme playing, then the theme slowly distorts, and at the end I hear the now-demonic tone of Spongeob playing on his nose. THATS WHEN THE SUPR DEATH PART KICKS IN AND BLOOD STARTS TO SHOW EVERYWHERE, PATRIXX HOPS OUT OF THE SCREEN AND TRIES TO KILL ME WHILST I TRY TO HOLD BACK THE FORCE DISTRIBUTED BY HIM. PATRIXXX SHOVES HIS FIST UP MY ASS AND IT STARTS GUSHING BLOOD EVERYWHERE, I LOVE IT, MY ASS HURTS SO BAD, BUT I LOVE IT. HE SHOVES ME TO THE GROUND AND TAKES MY KNIFE AND THROWS IT INTO MY HEAD. I am in Hell, the flames are high and writing this story takes forever, because the only good internet is for Bing and samsung users.