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I know
Sorry.
So, this is my story.
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So, I was 13 when this all happened. Yes, I know,
▲So, I was 13 when this all happened. Yes, I know, “thirteen is an unlucky number”, blah blah blah, shut up. It’s the facts, plain and simple. What, am I supposed to say I was 14? Because I wasn’t.
Sorry. Off topic again.
It was my birthday, and of course all three of my friends were there. We were messing around with my computer, and I left the room to get some tea.
Anyway, they must have been messing around with my save files for the various video games on my laptop, because the next thing I know, all three of them are screaming as weird pictures flash on the screen. At this point, I walk back in, take a sip of tea, look at the screen, and promptly spit it back out.
As I took a closer look at the pictures, they all looked similar. I blinked, and realized.
I paused, puzzled.
The screen only glitched more in response, before forming the letters,
I threw the laptop across the room. It broke, making an odd staticky noise as it shattered. Which laptops
Two days later, I was drinking more tea (see above paragraph) when my cat attacked my leg. This was a daily assurance, but
When I came to, I was in a lab. I know, plot of every lab-based horror movie or horror story ever, but
I attempted to sit up, to no avail.
▲Two days later, I was drinking more tea (see above paragraph) when my cat attacked my leg. This was a daily assurance, but today’s attack seemed to have more urgency in it. I pushed her off of my leg and stood up. “What is it, ca-“ I didn’t get a chance to finish, as I was promptly bonked on the head and fell over unconscious. Pretty embarrassing.
A figure emerged from the shadows.
▲When I came to, I was in a lab. I know, plot of every lab-based horror movie or horror story ever, but I’m serious. It was an ultra-modern lab, and in a tank was a hyper-realistic Sam the Septic Eye. Or, well, it looked like that through the green tank and green goo. (I’m a total JackSepticEye nerd.) I, myself, was strapped to a table, with some IV in my arm, because apparently they had time to do that.
▲I attempted to sit up, to no avail. “What the…what’s going on here? Is this like the plot of a terrible creepypasta?”
▲A figure emerged from the shadows. “No. You are a lab rat for an experimental potion-like substance that we found randomly sitting beside some old game cartridge in a dumpster. We believe it has the blood of gods in it, or it could just be trash goo.”
▲“Isn’t this illegal? Not to mention unhygienic.”
I picked up the idiot in a black lab coat. He stared at me with frightened eyes, and I looked at him with fury in my eyes.
▲“Shut up and drink your milk.” The figure jammed a carton of milk into my hands. I raised my eyebrows. “Um, I can’t exactly drink anything like this.”
▲“Oh, for god’s sake….fine! Jesus!” The figure untied me, and I promptly judo-kicked him in the face like a proper lady should when being tied up in an unhygienic lab by people I can only assume were either A, perverts, B, not scientists, C, stupid, or D, all of the above.
▲I picked up the idiot in a black lab coat. He stared at me with frightened eyes, and I looked at him with fury in my eyes. “TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON HERE.”
▲“U-um, we are worshippers of the great god Zozo, god of destruction, death, and-“ I cut him off mid-sentence. “Wait, Zozo? Weird demon guy? Why does he have a stupid name? Do you know? Why are you injecting trash goop into people? Who else is here??”
The man fainted. I dropped him, picked out my IV, and jammed it in the artery on his neck. As I left the room, using his keycard to exit, I flipped him the bird.
Outside the lab was incredibly dark. There were various baddies in bright labs shut off from the hallway by doors and occasionally bars. I peered into a few of them. One housed a doll that looked suspiciously like Chucky; another housed what looked like a person, but made of shadows and with bright red eyes. The third housed a bunch of cats that were attacking each other. I swiped the keycard on that door, opening it. The cats swarmed out, going around me as I watched them. They promptly killed some guy (
▲Outside the lab was incredibly dark. There were various baddies in bright labs shut off from the hallway by doors and occasionally bars. I peered into a few of them. One housed a doll that looked suspiciously like Chucky; another housed what looked like a person, but made of shadows and with bright red eyes. The third housed a bunch of cats that were attacking each other. I swiped the keycard on that door, opening it. The cats swarmed out, going around me as I watched them. They promptly killed some guy (who’d come to check on the fact that the door that said ‘DO NOT OPEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES’ had been opened), stole his keycard, and opened every other door that could be opened. An alarm sounded, and dozens of lab workers stormed into the hallway.
The Chucky wannabe promptly went after three of the lab workers, armed with a stick and a gun. The cats chased another ten, killing them and stealing their keycards. Smart cats. They scattered, going down the corridor and opening yet more doors.
The shadow person stood there, killing anyone who was stupid enough to get close to it. All I can say is that if
Many others took on other lab workers. I took on the head honcho, who had stupidly decided to come out and investigate. A swift kick to the head, a snap of the neck, and I had myself a master card. I ran up the hallway, hoping to find an exit, and an exit I found, as well as a door marked
I opened the door, and promptly ran out the exit.
Flash forward another two days. The thing from door 666 had followed me, and turned out to
▲Flash forward another two days. The thing from door 666 had followed me, and turned out to be….a cat. A black cat with green eyes, in fact. And abnormally long claws. Of course, I couldn’t talk. I’d recently found out that the ‘trash goo’ gave me heightened hearing…and that’s literally it, besides turning my eyes blood-red. It caused heads to turn, that’s for sure.
On the other hand, I practically had spider-sense now. So that was a thing.
We had gone on a lab-worker-murder spree, and were now plotting our next move - to a lab near my hometown, BioDen. Rumor had it that
“So, we break in, shoot or disembowel everyone, and run out?” I asked. The cat, whom I’d christened Christessa, nodded. We bumped fists - or paws -and headed out.▼
▲
That about brings us up to now. Everyone in that lab is dead, and all the test subjects freed.
Still, I better give you a warning.
(No seriously.
(Seriously.)
(
'''MURDER SPREE CONTINUES - 100 DEAD'''
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In case you didn't realize this, this is a purposefully bad pasta.
[[Category:
[[Category:Satire]]
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[[Category:DIALOGUE!]]
[[Category:YOU'RE NEXT]]
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