Alex Jones Lost Episode: Difference between revisions
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I was given the pink slip by my boss at Infowars, the biggest internet political radio show on the planet. I
Anyways, I packed my stuff, went home, and started life anew living off of government unemployment. After about six months of sitting at home, watching daytime television, eating cheese curds, and farting vigorously into my Lay-Z Boy, I decided to check up on my old boss, Mr. Alex Jones. I looked on his website, seeing he had just posted a new episode. I immediately clicked play and began viewing the latest installation of his right-wing program.
Alex showed up, smiling big and wide, those glistening teeth and shiny, balding head is enough to put warmth into any
He spat all over his microphone, pop filter, and vintage Reagan/Bush
Jones pulled his trousers down and took a large shit on the pictures and lit them on fire, throwing pictures of Hillary Clinton and a gay pride flag into the pile. He sat back down in his chair and continued the show while his desk caught fire.
The camera zooms deep into
Alex rubs his profusely sweaty head, tired from all of the chaos
Alex smiles and greets Reagan, stating that
Reagan continues,
Ronald starts looking a bit distracted. I could see it in his rotting, half-skeleton face that something was off. It was the moment Jones said
Alex turns to tend to his severed hand as the camera zooms into it, still spraying blood every which way. All of a sudden, and to this day, I cannot explain this phenomenon, but slowly, but surely, a hand began to materialize underneath the stump. It grew back into place where his previous hand was. The camera pans up to
They rolled a commercial for Jell-O shockingly. However, it
Infowars returns with Alex sitting at a new desk in place of the old one he destroyed in a firey, Democrat hate-driven rage. He has his glistening smile back and continues on with the show.
He looks inquisitively at the camera, before pointing at it and saying,
Sure enough, a car pulled up in my driveway soon after. It was at that moment when I realized this was a live feed. He unbuckled, got out, and walked up to my front door, knocking politely at first, then ringing the doorbell really fast and aggressively. Since
His bullet went through my brain, but I survived. I’m now wheelchair-bound, forced to live out the rest of my life as a cripple. I still have nightmares of Alex Jones, his reptilian form coming into my house while I’m in my wheelchair, still unable to move. He puts on a VHS tape of Veggietales while pointing at me in my wheelchair and cackling like a madman, insinuating that I’m a vegetable. At least I now have a restraining order against that fucker. I guess I’ll watch some Fox News and get over this whole mess.▼
▲His bullet went through my brain, but I survived.
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