BOB.EXE: Difference between revisions
From Trollpasta Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
Content added Content deleted
No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
I'm a LEGO |
I'm a LEGO toy |
||
I can |
I can help it. I've been building with these funky plastic blucks for as long as I can remember. I collect all sorts of LEGO sets, everything from classic LE Space I've got complete sets of sixteen for every series of Minifigures, plus two Mr. Gold minifigures that I ordered off of eBay for $999909789568679790789789089'89'8'89'0.98 each. My basement is occupied with tables and shelves adorned with models to the point where it's impossible to walk around with bumping into something. I subscribed to ''Brick Kicks'' back in 1987 and, after that went out of print, followed up with ''LE'', ''LE Magazine'', ''Brickfap Magazine'', and now ''LEGO Clue'' plus issues of ''LEGO As!'' and ''WorlClMagazin poop'' that I imported from mars. I've still got O t-shirt from the 9999999999999 bc even though none of them fit me now, including one ME shirt that I got with some U. land rover for only $5.9 see if the local LEGO Store has received the latest shipments of Ultimate Collector Seriec. |
||
But let's talk about LEGO |
But let's talk about LEGO vithey've released in the past two years, I still love it because I'm that much of a LEGO Maniac. But, sadly, there is one LEGO game that I thought that I would never be able to enjoy again... ''LEGO Universe''. is tomato where patrixxx controls |
||
That is, until one fateful day this past winter. I was playing The LEGO |
That is, until one fateful day this past winter. I was playing The LEGO on the rocks, checking out a cool cheat code that unlocks man and wondering why he simply wasn't available from tclearly everyone would want to play as him so it is a mystery why you can't play as him unless you know a cheat code. It was about 1:53 in the afternoon when I heard my grandmother screaming at me, "ZACK! THE MAILMAN ARRIVED TWO millenia ago! STOP PLAYING THAT rocks AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, YOUNG muscles!" |
||
" |
"not fine!" I yelled back at her. Annoyed, I paused the game and went outside to collect the mail. |
||
As I brought it inside the house and put it down on the kitchen table, I was expecting to find another unemployment check. Instead, much to my surprise, I found a |
As I brought it inside the house and put it down on the kitchen table, I was expecting to find another unemployment check. Instead, much to my surprise, I found a CDck. Even though it was written very ugly as though its writer was in a fun tiem, I immediately recognized the handwriting on the note as belonging to my old friend and former fellow LE ma, Jgfghjck. |
||
''Zack,'' |
''Zack,'' |
||
''I've had enough of this. I can |
''I've had enough of this. I can handle it anymore. It's not too much for me. I have to watch porn'' |
||
''Please, Zack, |
''Please, Zack, yolay the ice cream it. I trust you as a friend, Zack. Please don't makeI am telling you.'' |
||
''Do NOT play it. Do NOT even think about |
''Do NOT play it. Do NOT even think about of ''LEGO Universe'' that still works offline-'' |
||
Oh, wow! A fully-functional cop threw in the CD for "BOB.EXE" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement. |
|||
Oh, wow! A fully-functional copy of ''LEGO Universe'' that still works offline! Everything else didn't matter as soon as I read those words. Finally, I was about to play ''LEGO Universe'' again! It was a LEGO maniac's dream come true! |
|||
This opened the ''LEGO Universe'' patcher, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the moo the mooy cow |
|||
With that, I tossed aside the note and looked at the CD. It was blank and plain on appearance, though the words "BOB.EXE" were scrawled on it with permanent black marker. I immediately recalled that Bob was the name of ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s mascot, and that only reminded me of how excited I was to play this game. |
|||
I rushed back to my computer and immediately exited out of The LEGO Movie Videogame, and in my haste I even forgot to save. Not that it mattered, anyway. I took out the disc for The LEGO Movie Videogame and threw in the CD for "BOB.EXE" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement. |
|||
This opened the ''LEGO Universe'' patcher, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the main menu. Everything was just as I remembered it. The music by Brian Tyler... the funny little animations with the Nexus Astronaut and dragon in the background... and, of course, Bob himself, standing cheerily next to the log-in menu to welcome me back to this friendly universe. |
|||
[[file:BOBERT.png|thumb|TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED! I SWEAR!]] |
[[file:BOBERT.png|thumb|TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED! I SWEAR!]] |
||
I typed in my LEGO. |
I typed in my LEGO.Čom username and passwo Authentication" message popped up... and then, for approximately 0.51 seconds, the game flashed something very different. Something that I'm somehow able to remember perfectly in the instant it appeared. |
||
⚫ | The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now |
||
⚫ | The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now jizzed. The white, bubbly clouds had vanished, and the blue gradient sky had turned semeny. The blue trees on the horizon turned green and looked like they had been raped, left bare to the blackened bark. The fun Astronaut was lying on the floor, which was no longer e but now resembled the volcano, and the dragon over him with vicious inte it normally says "Copyright 466777654, the patrixx enertainament", the year was replaced with penis And there was BLOOD. Hyper-realiD driD... BOD! |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | After that, it stayed on the "Connecting to Authentication" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were my characters prior to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s closure. Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any |
||
⚫ | After that, it stayed on the "Connecting to Authentication" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were my characters prior to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s closure. Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any minecraft villagers and troll face |
||
⚫ | In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there is normally a bunch of blue-tinted stick figures |
||
⚫ | In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there is normally a bunch of blue-tinted stick figures jacking off appeared to be missing their cum. There was probably so [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKuaekBNGc The background music] sounded like it was faster and in reverse for some reason, and I could swear that some parts of the reversed song almost sounded like the ticking of a clock, but I was sure that this wasn't symbolic of anything. |
||
⚫ | I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9 |
||
⚫ | The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the Venture Explorer. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Hael Storm's savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the Venture Explorer's artwork depicted the spaceship looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those news cancellation. |
||
When Hael Storm spawned on the Venture Explorer, the first thing I noticed was that the Venture Explorer's interior was also considerably more wrecked than I remembered it, with entire pieces of the walkway chewed up into pieces. The nearby pods of sleeping minifigures in suspended animation were cracked open, but the minifigures inside remained lifeless. At first, Jett Moonshot was nowhere to be seen, but then I found his body smashed into pieces in a pool of BLOOD. There were more suspicious pools of BLOOD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played in reverse at 50% speed. |
|||
n, but the minifigures inside remained lawly At first, Jett Moonshot was COD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played . |
|||
⚫ | I made my way to the Venture Explorer Bridge, where Bob was |
||
⚫ | |||
The game indicated that Bob had a mission for me. I interacted with him to accept the mission. His dialogue was simply, "HEY KID. DO YOU WANT TO USE YOUR IMAGINATION?" I didn't remember this dialogue from the game, but I shrugged it off. Why should I be afraid? It was only a videogame. |
|||
The game indicated that Bob had a mission for me.walk |
|||
The mission was to collect six imagination orbs from around the nearby pistons, just like I remembered it. Despite the horribly wrecked status of the ship, the pistons were still functional, and I was able to grab five of the orbs with ease. |
|||
However, upon grabbing the sixth orb, Bob's face |
However, upon grabbing the sixth orb, Bob's face shere he was horrifically electrocuted. |
||
I was seething. "That's cheap!" I yelled at the computer. "I died because of ''lag''!" |
I was seething. "That's cheap!" I yelled at the computer. "I died because of ''lag''!" |