Blood, Blood Mountain: Difference between revisions

 

 

(laughs) Of course, the booty of the intellectual pirates!

 

Of course! "I was pleasantly surprised by how fun and enjoyable this old game still was, even without the controller Mario still controlled fluently. I played around in-front of the castle briefly before entering the painting of Bob-omb Battlefield, the classic cheery vocal arrangement played before entering and BAM! I was enjoying some classic Mario goodness. I effortlessly cleared the entirety of that level collecting all stars with ease, the game was just as I remembered it in the past and there were more levels to come! I had the whole floor open to me, Whomp's Fortress, Jolly Roger Bay and even the classic hidden slide. Of course the slide was first, it always was, but then I had a choice to make. Water levels are the work of the devil."

 

(laughs) Oh no, not all that Hell water!

 

"And Whomp was a push-over so I wanted more of a challenge, I picked the classic ice level. Cool, Cool Mountain. That, it would turn out, was my biggest mistake. The painting room was barren except for a single deep red carpet that flowed towards the painting, it was slippery just like the ice-level itself and nothing could stop Mario from sliding right into the painting. This struck me as odd but not as odd as the resulting effect when the painting was entered. The screen flashed blood (pause) red."

 

Oh here we go.

 

"And there was a loud blood (pause) curdling scream, before the screen faded some hands reached out from the flowing carpet grasping at the nearby solid floor for release. Then it hit me. The carpet was also blood (pause), blood (pause) that flowed from the door into the painting as if countless mutilated bleeding (pause) bloody (pause) bodies were dragged towards their doom. Just like Mario. The screen was not white, it was blood (pause) red with static almost as if my monitor was broken like an old TV failing to tune into the level. The cheery vocal track was replaced with a rough demonic dubstep remix voiced by blood (pause) curdling screaming women. I was horrified by the title of the star, it was not 'Slip Slidin' Away' but was instead 'Descend the Slide of Blood' (pause).

 

Oh of course it was!

 

"I entered the level, and was immediately struck by a horrific sight, the whole mountain was covered in blood (pause) and when I said covered I meant the mountain was literally bleeding (pause) hyper-realistic blood (pause) there was no snow it was all blood (pause) the trees were dripping profusely with the remains of some unseen massacre which left only blood (pause) in its wake. I entered the blood (pause) covered chimney pipe which was bleeding (pause) more blood (pause) over all the windows which masked the scene of dead bodies covered in blood (pause) on the inside. Upon entering the pipe a sudden blood (pause) curdling scream pierced my headphones and a huge torrent of hyper-realistic blood (pause) spurted out the pipe like a geyser, as if Mario had just been violently minced by some unseen threat. The whole screen went back to the same static blood (pause) coloured screen as before and the blood (pause) curdling scream continued for a solid minute before the slide section of the level loaded. What I saw only horrified me, a whole pile of dead Marios littered the blood (pause) soaked floor all covered in the hyper-realistic blood (pause) of the Mario above them, each bleeding (pause) themselves onto the ones below to cover them all in blood (pause)

 

Oh for fucks sake!

 

Well he said bleeding (pause) before.

 

You two don't need to make shots when you say blood (pause) yourselves ya know? Ah fuck'd it back to the story. Where was I? "The whole slide was covered in blood (pause) no not just covered, the slide WAS blood (pause)"

 

"Which bled! (pausing followed by sound of choking) more blood (pause) which bled (pause) and kept bleeding! (pause)

 

(watery choking) Pllessse!

 

Fucken what?! Just shtop drinkin' you caunt!

 

"Bleeding bloody blood!" (extended pause, choking intensifying)

 

Fukk! Jacob shtop weeding Toby's choking!

 

"And that blood bled too!"

 

(painful choking cuts out during a pause) Shhit! He's fucken' dead! What t'e fukk!

 

"More blood!" (pause)

 

I keep dyinking! Kant stop fucken stop weeding Jakob fucken' caunt!

 

 

[[Category:Mario]]

[[Category:WHAT A TWIST!]]

[[Category:English Class Failure]]

[[Category:Cliche Madness]]