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<i>"I was walking my broder collie past Mr. Ambrose's home around 5 a.m. on (DATA EXPUNGED), when I heard a spine-tingling noise more like a long, loud distressed moan than a scream. Startled, I looked at the house, but the moan ceased shortly thereafter, so I started to walk further down the street. However, I thought I saw movement from Ambrose's front yard out of the corner of my eye, so I turned back quickly.
A young man with a shirt reading
After staring at me, standing perfectly still for what seemed like an hour, I was about to ask if I could help him with anything. However, he seemed to vanish from my sight in the blink of an eye, leaving only a small note gently falling onto the ground in his wake. I went across the street to see the note, which read:
</blockquote>
While the intruder of the home of Fajad Ambrose (who is now ironically under constant sedatives in a rehabrolitation center) has been concluded to be the figure Albro described in his witness report, the rest of the case is up to speculation. Burr O'Nara believed the situation to be this: "Broseph" broke into Ambrose's home at 5 in the morning, took a bag of cheese puffs from his cupboard, went under Ambrose's bed to eat them, woke him up & traumatized the poor cheese puff addict, and escaped, briefly encountering and leaving a vaguely motive-explaining note for Albro outside before disappearing.
[[File:BROSEPH.jpg|
Although Broseph has vanished from that Broston neighbrohood most mysteriously, Broseph is all but gone from society. He is a master of disguise who can appear anywhere with only two aspects that make him stand out: a leery, unblinking look in his eyes (which are always behind a pair of horn-rimmed glasses) and an uncanny ability to remain perfectly still for long amounts of time then vanish inconspicuously, reappearing in another area of his choosing.
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While Broseph is watching us all, waiting to steal our cheese puffs or send us into brolonged, unconbrollable, ironically inbroherent speaking from intense rants, we have weapons that could make it less likely for him to terrorize us. The main precaution one can take is to make sure that if they are reading an article about our elusive indie entity, they must check to see if Broseph himself has tampered with the article they are reading. If it has been hacked, Broseph will most likely steal their cheese puffs or rant at them next. This is because he is drawn to the confused mind patterns of people who see the word "bro" replacing parts of nouns & adjectives and several things described in the article being called ironic, even if they aren't that ironic at all.
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