CLAUS666.EXE

WARNEENG: SPOYLAHZ ALURTT!1!!1!111!11!!!!

I don't have much time to write this, as I am going to die. You will not believe this, but this is a true story that really happened. When I look back at it, even I can not believe it. But, that day changed my life forever...

It was January 12th, 2009, 5:36 PM to be exact. It was like a normal day. I was playing some good ol' Super Smash Brothers. Brawl. It's a video game about fighting video game characters, by the way. I was playing the Subspace Emissary. It was fun, and then I got to the part with the zoo and Lucas (I forgot the name). I was fighting Porky Minch with Ness. Porky Minch is my favorite videogame character ever, or, at least he WAS. At the same time, I took out my brother's iPhone (which I secretly stole from him in about 2 seconds) and looked at a picture of Claus, AKA the Masked Man from Mother 3 (a Japan-only RPG realeased on the Game Boy Advance) and just thought to myself "this guy looks like a dumbass". Then, I heard a knock on the door. I forgot to pause my game, and I lost to Porky.

It was my friend, Anthony Nochinson. He was wounded, and he had an eyepatch on. He had a black NES (Nintendo Entertainment System. It's a classic) cartridge in his left hand, and he gave it to me. "Take it. Do not play it. It is too late for me. I need you to stop this." he said. He walked away. Being the genius I am, I took the cartridge and analyzed it closely. It was dark black, even blacker than the blackest black. It had ductape with the words "DO NOT PLAY" poorly written with red Sharpie. I just had to play it, because I was curious to know what game it was. Unaware of me losing the Porky battle, I never turned off my Wii and stuck the cartridge into my N64.

The title screen was like that of Pokemon Stadium 2 (it's a RPG video game, by the way), however, it had HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "It's just a minor glitch" I thought to myself. I clicked start on my SNES controller. It loaded for 10 second. The file select screen was like that of the Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (an action/adventure game). There was only one save file. I tried to create a new one, but nothing happened. I was forced to click the remaining file, labeled "GYIYG". The game loaded for about 5 seconds. The game was basically... Oh no... It couldn't be!

BUBSY 3D! It was an absolute nightmare! The game was TERRIBLE! Then, I heard a scream like that of Lucas being KO'd in SSBB. I remembered, suddenly! I turned off my Wii, which took 3 minutes and 54.3 seconds, if you were wondering, only to come back and find out that Bubsy 3D had HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bloody body of Porky was there, as if Bubsy had killed him while I was turning off my Wii for those 3 minutes and 54.3 seconds! Bubsy suddenly died too. Then, Porky revived. I noticed his machine. It had 6 legs, 6 minor features on the front, and 6 minor features on the back.

666. Then, the screen went black. I checked the PS1. It exploded. I woke up in the hospital, and then I found a plush on the end of the bed. It was none other than a plush of Claus. He had hyper-realistic blood at the end of his electric blade that looked like a lightsaber. It had a note next to it.

"Dear Thomacreep Pastabob,

Porky was trying to kill you all along. I was going to stop it, but then you called me a dumbass so I set up this entire plan just for you! So yeah, you're going to die tomorrow.

Totally not creepy,

YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW YOU IDIOT."

That's why I'm typing this all here.

Goodbye.

Oh phazon, HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD JUST SPLATTERED EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

Originally posted to The World of Meat Logic Wiki

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