Donkey Kong Country: Game Over
If your childhood was anything like mine, you may have known of a certain character named Donkey Kong. Growing up, I LOVED the Donkey Kong Country games and Nintendo as a whole. But all this time, I had never known about a disturbing cancelled fourth entry…
Chapter 1 : The Garage Sale
It was 2/1/21, at 9:10:21 AM. I was walking down the side walk when I came across a garage sale, It was sus (like the game amoeg is 😂) and delapitated, they were selling old junk like computers and toys. Something that peaked my interest though, was a Super Nintendo cartridge with the words “DONKEY KONG COUNTRY 4” poorly written on it in black Sharpie. And what was also intriguing was the fact that it was only selling for 1 cent. Being the curious guy I am, I took the game off the creepy old man’s hands and brought it home.
Chapter 2: A Dark Vision
Once I got home, I just tossed the cartridge onto the coffee table and forgot about it for the rest of the day. Eventually It was 9:00 PM so I went to bed. While I was asleep, I had a dream about Elon Musk riding a giant anus and telling me to not play the monkey cart because it’s cursed but I said “shut up u not my mom”, and I was woken up by my alarm clock. I ran downstairs like a kid on Christmas morning only to remember that I have work today. So I slowly waddled to my computer as my grease-filled fat rolls bounced and jiggled with every thunderous step I made, and, eventually I got to my computer and sat in my “work” chair and logged onto the discord server I moderate to say hello to my precious kitten but she had a DISTURBING confession to make. The second I began my daily discord call with her she said at the top of her lungs “I THINK THE AGE OF CONSENT SHOULD BE 18 YEARS OLD” and those disgusting words gave me a heart attack (trust me it’s not because of my diet of Burger King and Doritos). I had to go to the ER and eventually I ended up fine.
Chapter 3: The Horror Begins
Anyways, what was this story about again? Oh yeah, Donkey Kong, so I got home and opened the attic stairs, climbed up them carefully (as they had gone through plenty of wear and tear) and reached the attic to find my childhood Super Nintendo but in its place, there was a weird Donkey Kong doll that looked like it was made by a 10 year old but what made it really unsettling was the fact that it appeared to have blood streaming from its loose button eyes. I tried to shrug it off and turned around to see my Super Nintendo sitting on a cardboard box with the words “TAKE IT” written in the same bad handwriting as the cartridge. I was really unnerved now, but when I rubbed my eyes, it changed to say “COME ON”. I hesitantly took the console and quickly climbed back down. I wondered if playing this game was worth it and if I should just return it to the garage dealer but I was too deep in to stop now. So I went to my living room and took the cartridge and placed it into my Super Nintendo then I took the Super Nintendo and plugged it to my TV. The Rare startup screen was from Donkey Kong Country 2 but the logo was blood red and the music was low pitched and slowed down. Weirdly enough though, there was no Nintendo logo, almost like this wasn’t even worked on by them. The title screen was just a black screen with white text saying “dkc4” and after pressing start an opening cutscenes plays that shows Donkey Kong, Dixie, and Diddy relaxing on the shore of DK island when all of a sudden, Diddy gets captured by the Kremlings and the other two wake up and run off to save Diddy. Throughout that cutscene, the characters, objects, and music would randomly disappear and reappear. I was annoyed by that problem but I powered through. The first level was a orange jungle level with level design similar to the first world in Donkey Kong Country 1. That was until I saw Dr Doofemshrz having diarrhea on a hyper-realistic toilet and I was like “YO DR DOOFEMSHRMZ BIG FAN” and he was like
