EPISODE 666 - THE SUICIDE

[This is definitely a real entry taken from a college student before he was found dead in a forest with 666,666 wounds on his genitals.]

I live alone, and like any college student at NoTsAtAnIcToWn I am an avid fan of teletubbies.

So one day I was using my laptop to binge-watch teletubby episodes on dailymotion (youtube but crappier) when I suddenly stumble upon an episode I hadn't seen before.

It was titled "EPISODE 666 - THE SUICIDE" and the thumbnail was the teletubbies but DEAD and with bloodeye, and as I looked at it I began to hear the screams of MY DEAD GRANDMA.

"That is very suspicion." I say to myself. "But maybe I just need glasses."

So, I click on the video and then a DEMON pops out of the screen and tells me that I will die and go to hell if I watch it.

"Lol I'm atheist" I shout back and continue watching.

The episode starts out with the normal teletubbies - Tinky winky, Dipsy, Laa-laa and Po dancing around a pentagram. But then out of the corner of my eye I see a fifth tellytubby called SAT TAN walk onscreen.

"Oh wow he looks cool," I think, but then SAT TAN turns around and I see his face is MY DEAD ROOMMATE with hyper realistic eyebrows that spell out "YOUR NEXT".

I scream and throw the remote at the TV, smashing it.

My dad pokes his head around my bedroom door.

"Son, you have interrupted your mother and I's peperami licking marathon. I am very disappointed."

He is about to leave when I realise...

"Wait a minute - my dad licks salami in his spare time, not peperami."

My dad's face contorts, and when it is finished he looked like SATAN but satan was ME and I was SKELETON with BLOODY EYES but with NO EYES and I was DEAD.

"You shouldn't have done that, CHAAAAAAAAAAAD!" Dead no eye blood eye skeleton satan me screams, and I shart myself so hard I die of exhaustion and ragdoll onto the floor, managing to write this entry in my own blood.

Remember - don't use dailymotion.

[Entry ends]