Educating Goofy: Difference between revisions
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Surprisingly, Goofy didn't seem to mind being in the slammer all that much, as he rather enjoyed the company of the local washing machine dealers who had been ratted out by the Corleone Dobermans. Goofy became something of a story teller while inside rambling on and on to the inmates about all the various times that he and Max went fishing out at Lake Destiny. He also felt comfortable enough to share with them the perfect cast. With Goofy seemingly being quite content about rotting in the can for the rest of his days, Mickey realised that he and Donald would have to take matters into their own hands or feathers I guess in Donald's case. Once again, Donald did not look right with him having the wrench stuck to his throat, being in a wheelchair, and even having the weird cyborg legs again. Donald and Mickey managed to arrange an audience with the head of the jail; or rather heads as it happened to be my personal idols Sam and Max themselves. They were dressed as stereotypical 1800s English policemen. Sam was swirling his baton around like a fool as he said, "sorry Mickey ole pal, but I can't give credit. That friend of yours has got a playdate with destiny and read potatoes." Max held up a bag of red potatoes and threw them down a pipe which was located on Sam's desk. The potatoes were to reach the canteen in two minutes where they were then going to be served as lunch to all of the inmates at the jail including Goof. They weren't allowed to put gravy on the potatoes or even allowed to peal them for that matter, you were forced to eat the bloody thing whole and that's honestly kind of sad. Donald rolled his eyes as he said, "what on Earth are you two smoking? Goofy he just made a mistake. Surely you could present him with a bill of some sort, after all he is no fool." Bit rich for you to be making fun of people for smoking Donald when for some odd reason in this particular episode you sound like you've been smoking for 12 billion and a half years. The a is silent. Ahem!
Not wanting their pal to spend the rest of his days rotting in a can eating red potatoes, Mickey suggested that Sam and Max send him to a behavioural correctional facility. "Goofy can change. He may be dumb, but he used to be quite smart he had a wife and another kid but they left him for a milkman you see which caused him to start becoming dumb again." Mickey explained. It was true. Back in the 1950's, Goofy had a completely different family while also having a completely different first name. His first was George back then, and he took the name from a family friend who used to take Goofy out for fishing trips with him in the rural countryside. Goofy would greatly anger George by taking the boat too far out to sea, but regardless back when he went under the alias of George, Goofy was much more responsible having a respectable job in a shipping company in Empire Bay. He had a wife and a child and they all lived together in a beautiful flat in Kingston, but Goofy ended up losing his boring smart life when his wife left him for a milkman. He really should have been quicker on the uptake as his wife wasn't exactly hiding the fact that she was cheating on him. One morning, Goofy answered the door to get the milk only for the milkman to plant a big one right on Goofy's rotten lips which still had the remains of a Hi Dad soup can drawn over it. Don't tell me you don't remember Hi Dad soup. Max rested his arm above Mickey's head as he said, "that's all well and good Mr Mouse, but what has that story got to do with us accepting Goofy into our behaviour program thing?" Mickey rubbed the back of his head and smiled an incredibly nervous smile as he sang, "but there's something missing yes ah hah! Where is the groom?" Sam got up from his seat as he proclaimed, "he's right Max! How could we be so penny foolish? We got to give Goofy a chance. A chance of becoming smarter. He'll become smart
If you wish to hear the full story of Ozzie, please make sure to get the DLC combo pack; Ozzie's Story and Ozzie's Vendetta. Ozzie's Vendetta is a rip off because you play as an incredibly sinister street mug who is bald and has no eyes, but when you're in a jam you call him. Oh yeah it's gonna be a good day! Anyways, one month had passed, and Goofy was getting ready to attend his first behaviour correction lesson. It had taken a long time for Sam and Max to arrange the lessons having to make several phone calls to Rafael the class's teaching assistant. No he wasn't the ninja turtle you silly little goose, he was a bird who had a dream to choke blue jays with a bottle cap. Sick fuck. Rafael helped Goofy find his way around the classroom until the teacher walked in placing a suitcase on his front desk. The teacher smiled confidently as he said, "good morning class are we sitting comfortably?" Well shit that was Peter Napaldi. I recognised him instantly! I had actually met Napaldi once, and he was very nice to me and we ate lunch together in a very quiet Witherspoon's. Hey, not everyone is a dick alright? Peter Napaldi nearly let out a laugh when an incredibly fat student named Fatima started eating his lunch early and he ended up getting honey all over his fucking legs. "Ox it's stuck!" The student cried at the very top of his lungs as he dried to wipe the honey off with a really rank looking tea towel. Napaldi managed to contain himself as he decided to then go around the classroom, and ask for everyone to give their names and to list their reasons for joining the class. There weren't that many people in the class with there only being two other attendants aside from Goofy. The first person in the class was Maurice of the Tetley Tea Folk.
Maurice's behaviour had caused some serious confusion and delay because he kept refusing to listen to the instructions of the wise Gaffer, and because of this an entire batch of Tetley Tea ended up becoming contaminated. Gaffer and the others did not realise that the tea was dodgy until it was far too late, and it had already reached Tesco shelves. Many people became sick, and some even attempted to sue the Tetley Tea Folk out of their hard millions. In a reaction to this lynching, Tetley responded by sending the people who complained several large colourful boxes which were filled with candy not very nice candy either. The kind of candy that a old person would give you at a retirement home. Gaffer was really stupid by doing this instead of giving people money, because when you're sick the last thing, you'd want is sweets. Maurice unbeknownst to the others had tampered with the tea on purpose as he wanted to get everyone sick as payback for him not getting recognition like the rest of the Tetley Tea Folk. Maurice had been having some serious doubts about his future with the Tetley Tea brand as the last 10 years had seriously eroded the strength of the company's mascots. Gaffer though still a competent leader and a great judge of character was simply getting old and no longer had the youthful fitness to give out motivational speeches. Sydney had mellowed with age too and was not ruthless anymore. Allegedly, Sydney used to be a ruthless hitman for Don Peppone but that's a story that has been denied time after time. What? Why are you looking at me that way dear reader?
The second attendant to the class was the really fat kid Fatima. He was incredibly fat, and only just narrowly avoided getting eaten by a cheetah after getting lost in Hushaby Mountain. The cheetah was shot and killed by Overly American Soldier 1002. Thinking that the young Fatima was being far too reckless by walking through Hushaby Mountain without a guide. His parents had hired a guide named Jake to escort Fatima through Hushaby Mountain, but he ended up getting lost himself when he noticed a coyote eating a deer and he ended up watching the scene for so long that he forgot his own name. How sad. After being given the students' reasons for joining the class, Peter Napaldi slammed his fists down onto his desk which caused everyone in the room including Rafael to let out a scream of concern. Peter opened up his suitcase, and pulled out a pair of slick black sunglasses. He placed them on as he said, "gentlemen let's go and take a walk. I'm going to teach you all a little lesson in trust." Peter and Rafael took the class out to the local pond which was really nasty as there were bottles of O'Hare Air in it, and because Fatima is so bloody stupid he ended up tripping into the pond. He was clearly trying to show himself off and make people laugh as he hoped to become a mainstay funnypasta character. Well Fatima you listen here, and you listen well you may be funny like honey but you've got a long way before you can rival the likes of Colonel Dodo. Did I just
After all that nonsense, Peter then revealed that this lesson would be all about trust, and he pointed at Goofy who had become distracted and was busy trying to fish in the pond completely unaware that the fish swimming in there were all radioactive. They just went swimming and now they glow! "Mr Goof." Peter said before continuing with, "I need you to hold your hands out and catch Maurice. And Maurice I want you to close your beautiful eyes and fall backwards." The camera zoomed in on Maurice's panicked face as an overly loud record scratch sound effect could be heard playing off screen. Goofy got behind Maurice, and got ready to catch him as Maurice started falling backwards very slowly I might add. Sadly, Maurice ended up also falling into the pond after Goofy got distracted by a bumblebee which had started to chase him. I guess ole Goof is a melissophobe am I right? Also, worth noting is that while the bumblebee chased Goofy really smelly fart noises could be heard playing in the background. Peter rubbed his face in contempt as he said, "this is going to take a lot of work." He then turned to face Rafael as he said, "looks like you were right Rafael. This is certainly one heck of a sticky wicket. If I'm going to get these little fools to develop a more positive outlook on life then I need to call in the big guns. Call in Salvatore Torini." Rafael reacted instantly by wrapping his feather around Peter's lovely tailored suit as he said, "come senior Pete surely there is another way. Forgive me Boss, but that Sal Torini is a clown. A fricking nut job if you will." He then sang, "if they gave a prize for being weird the winner would be him!" "I thought you might say that. So it appears that your usefulness has finally run it's course." Peter said ominously as a black car pulled up on the pavement beside the pair. Ian Mercer got out from the car, and gestured for Rafael to get in. Rafael looked really sad as he was taken into the car by force where he would no doubt be made into chicken nuggets. He's not even a chicken. Well shit that's sad.
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Goofy was able to ace his interview because he was so boring now that he ended up unintentionally sending Buggy to sleep, and when he awoke not wanting to hear the interview again decided to just hire Goofy on the spot. Funny thing is; during the interview, Goofy didn't even utter a single word about chimes preferring to instead talk about the correct way to paint ceiling panels. Hmm, I don't think you're supposed to paint ceiling panels Goofy. But whatever who am I to disagree right? The day after getting his brand new job, Goofy was walking down the street where he was intercepted by Mickey and Cyborg Donald. "Hey Goofy how you been? You didn't tell us your classes were over." Mickey said, but Goofy had no time for him as he said, "I got a little smarter Mick, and now I've come to understand that I do not need people like you. I need smart people like me." "Whoa what you saying prick? You saying we not good for you now or something?" Donald questioned as he began charging at Goofy's leg with his wheelchair. Goofy remained impassive as he gave Donald's wheelchair a right good kick which sent him flying to the other side of the fucking city. He ended up having a collusion with a trolley which was taking some elderly ladies to see the Northern lights, but Donald fails to realise the crash was actually a blessing in disguise for he has saved the ladies from falling victim to a timeshare scam. Mickey helped Donald get back into his chair as he said, "Donald we've created a monster!" "What do you propose we do Mick?" Donald questioned as the wrench on his throat became tighter and tighter. Mickey held his pooey gloved finger high up into the early evening sky as he proclaimed, "we have to find the harp to wake Minnie up!" "You sure do talk a load of bullocks Mick." Donald said as the screen suddenly cut to a brief clip of an incredibly fat man putting his GameCube into a microwave only to have the bloody thing fucking explode. Serves ya right! Seriously don't abuse your GameCubes when you don't want them anymore, and instead send them to a GameCube Trust Fund. This has been Mr Uppity official spokesman for GameCubes In Need.
Back to the episode, Mickey and Donald headed to the behavioural correction classroom where they discovered to their dismay that since it was a Saturday it meant that Peter was not in. He was at the seaside for his summer haul or so they thought. Mickey had made arrangements with a hired driver to take them to meet with the Tamil Kings who would find Peter, and make him talk until the cows come home. But when do the cows come home Bob? When do the cows come home? Mickey knew that no one not even Peter Napaldi could ever think of saying no to the Tamil Kings. Heading outside, Mickey found the driver just chilling next to the red horse which Mickey had ironically named Ferrari, but he was not moving. The driver then fell to the floor dead having been killed by Peter Napaldi's pet killer Mr Mercer. Mr Mercer smiled at Mickey as he said, "evening Mr Mouse, shame huh?" He then held up the letter that Mickey had wrote for the Tamil Kings as he said, "he was carrying this. It's a letter to the Tamil Kings. It's from you." He said that last line in a very menacing tone of voice as he pinned Mickey to the side of the carriage and began beating the snot out of the poor little mouse. Mickey deserves it. No I don't care if that's cold. As a matter of fact, you can call me Ice Cold Uppity. Don'
Donald pulled out a handgun and aimed it at Napaldi but he barely gave any reaction to speak of and appeared to be rather impassive about the whole thing like some kind of Tom Hagen. Peter smiled evilly as he said, "lad I know why you came here. Put the gun down, and we'll have a brew." "Okay." Donald said like some kind of Leon Scott Kennedy as he lowered the gun and followed Peter into one of the old, abandoned offices. Donald sipped on a cup of tea. Rookie mistake there as the tea tasted like ass because the pipes were very faulty. Peter didn't seem to mind as he was drinking tea that he made at home where the pipes worked like a fine wine. To make a long story short, Sal Torini and his teaching methods did very little to change Goofy. In fact, despite initially hating Sal, Goofy grew to develop a good friendship with Torini and the two would often go around town demanding that people sing them a sea shanti. They're all ears say cheers. Cheers! Sorry about that, I had ass flu but, in any case, Peter separated the pair and took Goofy back to the behaviour correctional classroom and began force feeding him brain grub. Not even little spoonful's mind you, I'm talking about fucking massive scoops. As a result of the brain grub, not only had Goofy become incredibly smart and boring, but his head was now 1000 times bigger than normal. Mickey and Donald were unable to see that due to Goofy wearing an incredibly large woolly hat during their encounter.
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Suddenly, a nasty post credit scene came on which showcased my latest security guard Mr Clumsy sitting on the train late at night sitting next to three men who looked very familiar to me at least. They were all wealthy looking businessmen with one of them offering Mr Clumsy some chips as they had a box full of fish and chips and mushy peas. Clumsy took the hot box of food into his hands, but it was indeed very hot so he ended up dropping the contents all over the carriage floor. The three men became outraged as they pinned Mr Clumsy down onto the floor and began beating him up with one of them yelling, "you clumsy bastard!" Poor Clumsy was being beaten for awhile until he eventually pulled out a revolver and iced two of the businessmen. That's when I realised that these were no ordinary businessmen, but rather these were the exact same employees of mine who were iced on the train by the man with the spaghetti hair. I didn't recognise them at first, because to be honest I didn't know them that well as they normally did work with my finical advisor. The third man attempted to flee, and actually managed to get out onto the train station, but Mr Clumsy now glaring like a mad man got out from the train and was in hot pursuit. He kicked the final man down onto the ground, and held him there as he shot three fatal bullets into the man's shoulder and head killing him instantly. Shocked, I was about to confront Clumsy for his role in the three murders, but that's when I heard the door to the room shut tight. I looked through the keyhole and saw Mr Clumsy wiggling the key in front of me as he pulled an incredibly cheesy face. The same that Goofy once pulled after he unplugged Max's computer game system mid race much to the frustration of Max's community college roommates.
Banging on the door, I yelled with rage, "come on Clumsy you got to let me out! I was your friend! I gave you a job, free lodgings, and I even cared for
Thankfully, Mr Clumsy decided to place the diamond back onto the shelf but sadly he tripped due to his shoes being untied and the diamond ended up falling onto the ground. I tried to catch it, but I was too late for I had become quite slow with age and my reflexes weren't quite as sharp as they used to be. The diamond smashed into a million tiny bite size pieces as all of the sudden Mrs Splendid came in and she looked very cross. She shook her head with contempt as she said, "oh Mr Uppity you really are clumsy!" I sat on the floor in defeat as Mr Clumsy taunted me by squashing my hat and then placing it back onto my head. That bastard. I had no time to get revenge on Clumsy as I ended up getting forcibly evicted off the premises by the firemen as I needed to be taught a lesson about being nice to people or so that what's Mrs Splendid claimed needed to happen anyway. I was taken to work at the salt mines which are controlled by Lord Nooth. He owns all of the salt mines in the world or at least in Great Britain anyway. I highly doubt he could control all of the salt mines, but maybe one day he could. Perhaps he is planning a mighty takeover, but that is another story. Hmm. Ass biscuits! Now thankfully, I never interacted with Lord Nooth directly as I was busy being tormented by his top man; The Coachman who had a thing for whipping me with a whip doused in Genco Pura Olive Oil. Eugh! I don't care much for that particular brand of oil as I preferred Filippo Berio Olive Oil. I was kind of hoping you'd come along with us SpongeBob, and by that I of course mean I was kind of hoping that Mr Berio would sponsor this doc, but unfortunately, I had no such luck in that regard I'm afraid.
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