Epic@~!: Difference between revisions
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Capone Shchlieden Cap-One, famous Jazz musician, was currently going to attend his daughter's wedding. Since she was having a wedding today, he wanted to look good for it. However, he recently got into an epic fight with Danger Man, and he was bruised all over the place. So he wore a cloak.
He entered the church were he immediately bumped into his daughter. "Oh, father, thank you for coming to my wedding! I’ve waited ten years for this, spent 4,000,000 bucks for it, AND IT’S FINALLY HERE!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! JEEZE, I’M GOING TO HAVE A FREAKIN’ HEART ATTACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
"Charline! Charline!
1 Hour LATER...
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Charline had awoken from her spazz out. She saw that Schlieden Jr. came in. He was the flower man and Capone’s son, and her brother. He was a tiny, idiot-looking man and was chubby. He was less than two feet tall and he had one yellow buck tooth that was 1-inch long. He was already throwing flowers even though the wedding hadn't even began yet. He awkwardly shambled whenever he walked, and whenever he tried to speak, only an elephant-like roar came out. He always had a serious look on his face. He was actually pretty smart in his sleep, as he divided crazy math problems in his sleep. Charline had always dreamed of him getting knifed.
Suddenly, the main focus of the wedding entered. He was extremely tall (
Charline gasped. "ALDO!
20 minutes LATER...
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Schlieden Jr. had, unfortunately, awoken, and everyone was gathered to witness the wedding commence. Charline and Aldo held hands, as a bored looking man with a lion face and an oversized chef’s hat stepped up on the stall.
"Alright, alright, everybody shut your cake holes, the wedding is gonna *yawn* start.
"Alright, alright, Aldo. Alright, alright, would you, Aldo, like to take this womanas your bride, blah blah blah?
"YES!
"Alright, alright, you?
"YES!
"Alright alright, you may kiss the bride.
The two obliged, and their lips almost connected - before a body dropped through the window, and landed right on Aldo!
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Everyone looked on in silenced shock. Capone ran up to Aldo, and checked his pulse. Not a sign of life. Even the bored priest looked shocked.
"It is too late,
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Charline, stop! Bringing pain upon yourself will not-
"Shut up! Just shut up! You don’t understand!
Charline continued to beat on her own father, until a voice interrupted.
"Enough,
"Aunt Picle! I thought you said you had a funeral to attend to! What is your reason for being here?
"Violence is not the answer,
over the body that fell over the now deceased Aldo’s head. "This thing.
"Tenfold? TENFOLD?! NOTHING CAN BE WORSE THAN LOSING YOUR FIANCEE ON A
WEDDING YOU WAITED A DECADE AND PAID LOADS FOR!!
Picle turned around. "Everybody except Charline,
Charline raised an eyebrow as Picle lowered her eyes. Then she opened them all the way, staring straight into the soul of Charline. Charline shook, and passed out.
"What?! Was that..?
"Yes. Haoshoku Haki. The will of the kings. Only one out of a million people have it,
Picle turned around and back-kicked Charline, waking her up. Picle had shut her up, and she didn’t say a word again about her rant. Capone peeked out from under the stall. Everyone sat in silence, staring at the body. Then, something unexpected happened.
"How are you gentleman?
"Who are you?
The answer she got was a living person burst out of the body, startling everyone, even so much that it knocked out the priest.
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The person flew around the room for a few seconds, before Capone knew who it was.
"D-Danger Man!
Said man swooped down over Picle, did a swift 360 turn, held out his arms, and rammed right into Capone!
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The force was so powerful that he was able to hold Capone in his grasp, smashing through the church doors and out into Sunday afternoon park. All the wedding attenders, even Picle, expressed wide-eyed shock at the scene before them.Schlieden Jr. ran around in circles, making an elephant sound. The idiot.
Danger man got up and towered over the grounded Capone. "Yo that’s right! Danger Man here, ready to kick yo behiiiiinds!
Danger Man did a cool walk back into the church. "Hell’s yeah! Who wants to get owned first?
An ear splitting scream interrupted his killing spree. He turned back, and saw Capone had pulled a microphone from somewhere and did a sonic boom into it.
"Ya foo! That freakin’ hurt! Prepare to face the wrath of-
"Shut your trap, you tasteless piece of flesh,
"What?! WHAT?! No body talks smack about Danger Man! NO ONE!
Danger Man turned again, ready to finish off the attenders. However, a beautiful sound came from where Capone landed. As the smoke cleared, Danger Man realized Capone had gotten up and was playing a magical tune with a saxophone.
Danger Man held his head in pain. "It’s...too...beatiful...can’t take it!
Capone was caught completely off guard as Danger Man beat on his face, kicked it, and finally headbutted him back into the church. He approached Capone, knife in hand.
"Hell’s yeah! None of ya’ll can save this here foo-
"S-Schliedon!
Schliedon smiled. "You never learn, uncle,
"I suppose not,
"So, who is this fool?
"He’s Danger Man,
Schliedon huffed. "Well,
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A question mark formed on top of Schliedon’s head. This was a strange ability that only Schliedon could possess.
Danger Man then took his glasses off his mouth, approached Schliedon, and stuffed the glasses in his face. Danger Man then started to scream "NO IDIOT HITS DANGER
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!! NO MORON HITS ME!!! NO FREAKLIN ONE!!
Schliedon took the glasses off his face, threw them to the ground, and said "THAT was your revenge? Throwing your freakin’ glasses in my face? And "
"YO! YOU DONt SPELL MORON WITH AN "
"Coming from you, not to mention you just spelled "
While this rather pointless argument raged on, Capone pondered something. "Wow,
Apparently this was the case at least to Danger Man as well, as he flew into a fit of blind rage.
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My RATH!
"The author just spelled "
"Flabbergasting...
Danger Man charged. "DIEEE!!!!!!
2 and a half seconds later...
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Danger Man lay on the ground, defeated and bloody, his face swelling with defeat. Schliedon stood over his defeated opponent, superior.
Schliedon started to walk away from the downed body of his opponent. "Tsk tsk, uncle,
"Yes, and it makes me feel discouraged that you defeated him so easily.
"Yup,
Suddenly, Charline marched towards him. "THAT'S all you can say?! That it’s too bad? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU DON'T!
exasperated and just sat on a chair while Charline suffered.
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Everyone was shocked as the gunshot went off. Charline lay bloody on the ground, a bullet in her ribs. Danger Man picked himself up off the ground, holding a smoking, old fashioned pistol.
"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The most violent, loud, and long scream the attenders had ever heard erupted from Danger Man’s mouth. It was enough, Picle thought, to shake even her Haoushoku Haki.
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Schliedon got up, turned toward Danger Man, and gave him the most venomous, dangerous look ever.
"Just what are you planning to do? Kill me with your horrific vocabulary?
Danger Man screamed again, and pulled out his pistol he used to shoot Charline.
"What the hell is that pipsqueak of a weapon gonna do?
Danger Man fired it at Schliedon, who didn’t even dodge it. But Schliedon didn’t expect the bullet to turn and pierce Charline a second time!
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The other attenders screamed again. Was she dead?
"How did you do that?
"I got it from the black market in Arabia,
Since Schliedon didn’t know who Danger Man was aiming for this time, he had a difficult time deciding. Hoping for the best, he jumped in front of Charline’s body to protect her from a third shot.
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But the bullet didn’t go for Charline. It twisted past Schliedon’s face and aimed for Picle’s heart.
"Gran!
However, Picle did not even flinch. Instead she grabbed the bullet in mid air, twirled it around, and shot it straight back at Danger Man!
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Danger Man took the time to reload. Schliedon took advantage of this and tried to punch Danger Man in the face, but he had already shot a bullet towards an attender which turned back and hit Schliedon in the back.
Danger Man stomped Schliedon’s back. "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOW IT’S YO TURN TA BE PAINNED!
Danger Man fired a bullet at Schliedon, and, in the art of poetic justice, the bullet went straight back to Danger Man’s chest.
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Danger Man cried out in pain.
"You idiot!
Danger Man coughed, and looked up to see that Schliedon was standing over him, pointing his gun to the side. Danger Man grabbed the gun out of his hand and fired it point blank again, idiotically, and it hit Danger Man again.
It was official - Danger Man was the dumbest creature ever to walk this planet. He stumbled back, blood pouring from his mouth like a waterfall. "I-I’ll get C Stumbler in here to finish the job...
Schliedon spat and approached Danger Man. He kneeled down and checked his pulse. "Glad that’s over,
The red button of the remote then flashed green and shot a beam of light at Schliedon’s face, causing him to shield his eyes. The beam then disappeared and the button, still green in color, started blinking slowly. It then got faster, when the least expected thing happened - a hologram appeared form the button.
It was a green colored hologram of a man. He was tall like Danger Man, except he wore a purple hat and a squeaky looking purple...dress? Then the controller began to speak, in a robotic woman voice, "C Stumbler. Criminal. Born in 1959. Made fun of in school because of his strange fashion sense. Vowed revenge on all who defied him, and started a gang called the Boppers, originally called the Purple People. It was changed for being too stupid. Joined Danger Man in 1997. Age: 43. Height -
Then another voice, which didn’t seem to generate from anywhere, arrived. It was a male voice this time, but just as robotic. "C Stumbler. The speed of light and the strength of 10,000 tanks. A force to be reckoned with. Run. Hide. Before he finds you.
As if on cue, a huge tank burst through the back of the church. The walls crumbled into dusty debris, some of which landed on wedding attenders, forever trapping them under their mighty grasp.
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By huge, I mean huge. Imagine the biggest cow you ever seen, you know, like the one on that Bull of Heaven cover. Multiply that cow by 20 times, and you would have this tank.
On top of it stood C Stumbler. It was undoubtedly him, standing straight and strong with a purple hat and dress. The man began to, well, stumble down from the top of the tank and land at the bottom of it. He scurried up, and got into a karate pose. "C STUMBLER IS BACK IN ACTION!
Schliedon facepalmed. This guy was 43 years old? More like 4. He figured it would be even easier to kill this guy than it would be Danger Man.
"When will this end?!
"As soon as I pinch this guy,
"I will avenge you...Danger Man...
"What did you do? Kill him even further?
"I WOULD NEVER KILL MY BROTHER! YOU DESERVE TO BE PLUNGED INTO THE DEEPEST PITS OF EL INFIERNO!
Schliedon rubbed his temples in frustration. "Will it end?
The wedding attenders looked on in shock at the dust and debris around them. The burning tank stood in front of the carnage, C Stumbler no where to be seen but definitely dead.
Schliedon grunted and lougied on the remains of the tank. "Too easy,
Then something unexpected happened. The deceased body of Danger Man began to rise up from the grave. It was like he was being pulled by an invisible force. Suddenly the force dropped him, and he got up!
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Danger Man looked dazed and confused at first. He looked around, then saw Schliedon.
"Urgh,
"What?
Then Danger Man started to flash back. He held his head in pain, and then remembered.
He turned to the tank. "YOOOOO!
[[Category:TOTALLY NOT UNFINISHED U GUIZE]]
[[Category:BATTELS]]
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